Hi everybody. I'm still here at the hospital. What a drag. I'm ready to get out of here. It's definitely different from the first time I was here. It seems budgets cuts have affected everybody and everything here. But that's a whole other story. For now, I'll talk about fun things like the drugs they are giving me. Man! Some people pay a lot of money to feel like this. I'm wasted. But it must be easier for them to deal with a drooling piece of meat. I've got to lower the stuff down but still keep the drugs going to stop the seizures. It would have been great to take this stuff in the 80's on a Saturday night but right now it's a bit much. I'm kind of tired of getting freaked out by my own hand every night. Let's talk about a time that was a bit more carefree and fun. I was on the island of Capri off the coast of Italy many years ago. I was on a photoshoot for an Italian fashion magazine. I arrived to a note that said, "Brian, the model you wanted is not going to come. We have to find someone new. Wait for us there." I waited for 5 days. Not a bad way to spend 5 days. I was in Capri. I had a motorcycle and a lot of good food. They finally showed up 5 days later. They didn't say anything bit lets start shooting. It was a fun shoot. Anyway, it's times like that I think of when I'm stuck here. I have lots to tell, but I'm really tired. It's a bit of an effort to do this. But I'm not doing it, my friend is. Anyway, I'll talk to you next week. PS: hey Rick and Cheryl, and any other crew members (you know who you are), thanks for the ipad. I listen to music every night. I'll talk to you all soon. Love, B. Nice PSS: Thanks everyone for your positive support. I can't get back to you all, but I appreciate it.
Chapter 49 - May 18, 2012
Hi everybody. I'm still here at the hospital. They're trying to figure out what
the hell happened. As I said before, my MRI and cat scan were all ok. It might be scar tissue or medication. Either way, it's a drag. It prompts me to remind us all about something. It reminds me how important our mothers are. When you're in a state like this, you'll have one person who really helps you. In your case it might be your spouse, your partner, your parent, a relative, a relation. Who knows. In my case it's my mother who has taken care of me. She should have a big "S" on her. She's done everything for me from being my photo assistant to social director. I can understand. Being a father makes me realize why she's doing it.
I just spoke with a doctor. They're leaning toward the idea that I had 4 seizures because of the scar tissue and medicine. My friend here and I agree, they're just hedging their bets. It's just brought me back to square one. I'm pretty close to starting over again. It's a pain in the ass, but when I get knocked down, I gotta get up again. At least I feel I do. There's lots more to tell. I got some good stories for you, but I got to make this one short.
I miss all you guys. Can't wait to get out of here. See you soon. Love, B. Nice
Chapter 48 - May 10, 2012
Everything will be all right in the end, and if it's not all right, it's not the end.
Hi everybody. That was my roommate's mantra at the hospital in New York. He got the quote from some movie. It's now my mantra. Pretty cool. Anyway, I forgot to mention something last week. When I was in bed having my first seizure, my dog jumped up in my lap and started barking at me. I looked at him with my coffee and said what the hell are you barking at? Next thing you know, I woke up in the hospital in New York City. I don't remember anything, little bits and pieces are coming back. Right now, I'm back at my old rehabilitation hospital. They're telling me I'm here to recover from the seizures. It's very early yet, like they think my medicine may have had a lot to do with it. I just keep working hard and do what they say. It's a surreal experience coming back to the place you were before. It's like I said, life sometimes is like playing shoots and ladders. You get stuck back at start again. Anyway, I have to keep it short because I get so tired so quickly.
Oh, by the way, a friend of mine worked at the hospital in New York. It probably helped saved my life. Very cool.
Oh, well, another story. See you next week. I'll talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice
Chapter 47 - May 9, 2012
Hi Everybody. Well, this week has been interesting. Never a dull moment. I’ll tell ya.
On Friday morning, April 27th I had a couple of seizures it’s now Wednesday afternoon and I’m still in the hospital. I feel like I’m starting all over again like after my operations. It’s been a real downer. The doctors think I had a seizure because I had a break through from my anti seizure medicine. In other words, my body has gotten use to the anti seizure medicine. They are trying another anti seizure medicine with my old stuff. It’s been a downer, but I try to keep a positive attitude, not easy.
The positive thought I always think about is surfing!!!! I have had some beautiful days surfing. When I get blue I just imagine myself on the board on the water. It always makes me happy.
I look at it this way…..it’s just another story. I do have time on my side. Let’s think about another story something that will take us away from this nightmare.
In the 80’s I worked for a famous fashion photographer. I had to fly to New York City from Paris where we were on a shoot. I had to go earlier with the photo equipment and film. I had a lot of carry on luggage. The photographer who I worked with gave me a number 20 Valium to take for the flight which I took before take off thinking when I woke up I would be in New York. Upon take off one of the engines blew out. Next thing I knew the plane was back at the gate. I was still in Paris. I was the last one off the plane. The flight attendant tried to help me get back to the gate. We had to get off the plane.
I could hardly stay awake. I saw an espresso bar and headed toward it with all my carry ons. It wasn’t easy. I was surprised I didn’t have a heart attack. I had had that 20 Valium and three espressos. Not a good combo. The equipment was heavy and I seem to have a lot stuff. I dragged everything everywhere tied to my limbs, body legs,etc…slipping and sliding and all tangled up.
By the way the trip home was terrible.
More later I don’t have any energy left right now.
Chapter 46 - April 23, 2012
You kill like an American. That's what our driver said to me as we were playing a video game. I was on a shoot for Elle Quebec in Tunisia many years ago. He said, "Are you sure you're not American?" I said, "No mate. I live in Australia. North Bondi. On Ram's Gate Avenue. That's next to Speedo's Cafe." I would tell people I was Australian, not American. Americans weren't very popular in Tunisia. It's sad to tell people that you're not from America but it would avoid a lot of conflict. It was a good shoot, and the country is beautiful - O.K. I'm going to go off on a little tangent right now. I just remembered something. I was in my room in Tunisia and one of the models called me. She wanted to buy a carpet and wanted me to go along. I said sure, let's go. So we went to the Bazaar to buy a carpet. While we were there, while she was looking at the carpets, I noticed the owner was really staring at her. He said, "You're wife is beautiful." My first mistake was I said that's not my wife. He said, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. You're girlfriend is beautiful." My second mistake was I said that's not my girlfriend. And then he said, "Who is that then?" I said, that's my friend. And he said, I want to buy her. And I was intrigued. I said really? What would I get for her. He offered me some camels, some goats and some sheep. I don't remember the amount. I said to my friend, Hey, I can get some camels and some goats in exchange for you. Do you mind? She was pissed off. I was laughing, but she was really angry. I decided we better go so I said to him, Sir, we respectfully decline your offer because I don't think I could get the livestock through customs. And we hurried out the door.
Now I'm going to tell you another story. As if you have to guess, I like telling stories. Anyway, we're going to go back to where I lived, Australia. I was windsurfing just south of Sydney. I was practicing my water starts in the waves. I was spending a lot of time in the water. My friends were up on a sand dune overlooking the surf and watching me. All of a sudden, they start screaming, "Get out of the Water B. Get out of the water. Look!" and I looked past the breaking waves and I saw a big V like a big wake coming towards me. It was moving real fast. It went through the first set of waves and was coming right towards me. I ditched my board and my sail and I started running through the water as fast as I could. I looked over my shoulder and the V wake was coming right towards me. I screamed and fell on the sand. I looked up again and it was coming right towards me. As it approached me, I held up my arms and screamed and just then, a bunch of fairy penguins came out of the water and landed right next to me. My friends were laughing their asses off. They were laughing so hard they fell down. They were laughing as the penguins were shaking their wings and their heads, shaking all the water off of them. They walked away talking. I proceeded to check my shorts.
We were always playing tricks on each other. It was a fun place to go when you weren't working. Good windsurfing. Anyway. That's my story. I would think about moments like this when I was really in a bad way. It would help me get through the tough stuff.
What made me really happy the other day was I got an email saying this blog was helping a fellow brain surgery survivor. It's good to know this blog is actually helping someone. It made me very happy. If this can help anyone, it would be great. Remember, there's no magic pill or therapy that would help, but just the smallest thing will make a difference. I used to ask my therapist if they brought their magic wand and I'd say, "Did you bring your magic wand, you know the one you wave over me to make me better, Ha." If only things were that simple.
I said this before, but I'll say it again. I really believe that everything I experienced before this event, helped me get through this event. I had a remarkable life. You know, I survived dive accidents, plane accidents, I was held up by machine guns in New Caledonia, I was in earthquakes. I was chased by warriors who wanted to kill me. I was married twice, and divorced twice. (The divorce lawyers were worse than the warriors - ha ha ha.) The point is, I've gone through a lot in my life, so when it was time to possibly move on, I wasn't so scared. But, you know I would always think about the positive things I've gone through, like seeing the birth of my daughter, building my dream house, running across America. Things like that. When you're lying on your back for a couple of years, you gotta stay positive.
This week has been full of ups and downs. Like the past two days, they've been really rough. But I do have moments of clarity. I think the body is just waking up. Any change is welcome because, as long as you're changing, I think you're moving forward. Any change is a good. Gotta stay positive. Anyway, I'll talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice