Hi everybody. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past. I’m gonna dedicate this blog to my friend here who has been doing this blog since 2010. That’s a long time. Anyway, this blog is dedicated to her.
Did I ever tell you guys how I got my start as a fashion photographer? Man, I got lucky (or did I?). I moved to Australia and I was promoting myself as a fashion photographer from New York. Luckily, I got an agent right away. Well, there was a very well known magazine there that had a trip all organized and ready to go. Then their photographer who was from New York backed out at the last minute, so they needed someone. So guess who they called. They called me. Now this was going to be the first trip I’ve ever done as a fashion photographer. When I got to the place we were going, I found out why the photographer backed out of the trip. The place was dangerous. I can’t tell the whole story of the trip, but it was one disaster after another. Talk about getting thrown into the deep end!
One indication that the trip was gonna be bizarre was when this huge pasty white woman invited my crew over for tea. Now, her small house was surrounded by two 14 foot high fences with razor wire coiled at the top. In between the two fences were dogs, or should I say small horses. Now they only attack native people. The house looked like a prison. It was very bizarre. She came out of her house with her children. She was gigantic and as white as a sheet of paper. Her kids were under her arms and they looked like characters from the movie “Children of the Corn.” The kids didn't say much. They just stared at me. I thought they were gonna eat me. It was the most bizarre and awkward tea I’ve ever had.
The house I was staying in was a fortress. In each closet, in each room, was an assault rifle. I think I had an AK 47 in my room. The hairdresser had an automatic shotgun that I’d never seen before. She kept running around saying “Look what I got?” And it was a loaded weapon. That also was a bit awkward.
I could go on and on with stories and they just seem to get more and more bizarre. And remember this was my first trip ever. Some of the things involved were earthquakes. Australian SAS. Drugs. Infidelity. Life saving rescues. Oh yeah, and being hunted to be killed. I guess with a trip like that, everything else seems like a piece of cake. When a fashion editor would cry over a lost piece of luggage, I’d just look at her and say, “Things could be a lot worse.”
Anyway, I won’t go into all the details, Let’s go from one extreme to another. We’ll just call this section: Beautiful Women in Bizarre Locations. I’ll explain what I mean. I’ll tell you two quick stories.
When the models get their hair and make up done, they’re usually in hair curlers to set their hair. They wear bibs to protect their clothes from the makeup and they’re usually smoking a cigarette and having a coffee or holding a cell phone. Now one photoshoot I was on I had a really bad back. the Model who was getting her hair done said, “I’ll stand on your back and it’ll feel better.” Well, like a young idiot, I said, “OK good idea.” Well, imagine this: the model took me outside, laid me on the sidewalk in Central Park and stood on my back in her curlers wearing her bib, smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee. No-one could see the motor home. Out of context it must have looked pretty bizarre and I think it made my back worse cause the young woman was like 6’2”.
The last story I’ll tell you was when I was on a photoshoot with three models, the fashion editor who used to be a model, the hair and makeup who used to be a model and my female assistant who was real cute. We were all having a good dinner and the waiter came up to me and said, “Dude, what’s with all the women?” I said, “Oh, I’m mormon.” I’ll leave it at that.
I’ll talk to you guys next week. Love and miss you. Love, B. Nice
