Chapter 40 - February 28, 2012

Hi everyone.  The kindness of friends, strangers and family, that's what's really important right now.  I had a friend visit for one week.  She really helped my mom out.  It made life so much easier.  Little things like this will really help you.  Anyway, thanks everyone for those who helped me help myself.  I really appreciate it.  It makes things a little easier.  Thanks for the support.

You know, I never really talked about it at length before, but I think our caregivers don't get enough attention.  Attention in many ways, both recognition and financially.  It's a huge burden on them.  They work really hard to take care of you.  I mean, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them.  You'll find you need a point person, someone that's kind of in charge.  In my case, it's my mother.  Whoever you choose, it's important to have a point person.  I guess while I'm talking about a point person, I realize that I wish I had disability insurance, term life insurance and good health insurance.  These are all things that everyone should have.  Just an observation from my point of view.  I'm not a doctor or anyone in the medical field, but I am someone that has been pretty messed up.  Who knows, it might help someone out there.

I've been doing my water therapy.  It's been great.  I'm walking and running in the water.  I remember my first surgery on my brain, it really helped me get to the next level of walking.  You'll do water therapy and then water therapy with weights.  You basically get more weight bearing loads on your arms and legs.  It gets you ready for walking on land.  It's a long drawn out process, but hey, I think I got the time.  ha ha.  I just remember to be very very patient.

Patience is a really important thing right now.  I find myself to be very anxious.  I'm in a hurry to get better.  I guess there's no time limit.  Who knows when I'll get better.  My friend here said I get better every day.  But, from my point of view it's not quick enough and I don't feel it.  I just wish one morning I'll wake up and shake it off, "Man that was a drag, I think I'll go for a run or pick up my guitar and start playing again or go for a surf."  Anyway, soon it will come.  That's what they say, isn't it, Soon it will happen.  I gotta keep up the faith and keep hope.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered I've been drawing a lot.  I had a dream about drawing and it was very simple.  I just drew circles and circles on paper, and then I did a wash of watercolor.  You see, something as simple as this is very difficult.  But, it's also very rewarding.  Remember, life becomes therapy.  Anything you do will advance you.  It will make all the frustrating times more tolerable.

I have my mother bring me outside.  I photographed a tree that had fallen over in a windstorm.  Some landscapers cut it up into many pieces.  I photographed it as it looked like a piece of art.  It was really cool.  I guess my point is, when you're like this, you tend to notice things in front of you.  I guess it's 'cause you don't move for an hour, ha, you kind of just sit there and stare.  The point is, you notice things more.  You take the time to look at things.  When you're normal, you might rush on to the store or an appointment.  When you're like this, you're kind of forced to observe things.  It's kind of a gift in a way.  I never really thought about it before.  Maybe it's a way of self-preserving oneself.  Keeping yourself sane.  Everyday things become beautiful.  What do they say?  Take time to smell the flowers.  Anyway, remember to take time to appreciate things.  I paid a heavy price to recognize this.  But, you know, life is like this.  I guess it takes being like this to make one recognize things.  I appreciate things so much more now.  My friend just said I'm just like a big girl crying at butterflies, how beautiful they are.  It's true, I'm a big mush.  Anyway, today has been a great day.  Spring is finally here, it's nice out.  A good day.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your day.  See you next week.  Love, B. Nice