Chapter 21 – September 13, 2011

I woke up this morning and had a moment of clarity. I looked down at my hands and feet
and thought, “Man, am I messed up.” And then it went away. A moment of clarity will
build and build. The body is waking up, but with that comes a price. You realize how
messed up you are. I try to turn it around and think positive. I’ve got to be thankful for
the clarity. Sure I’m messed up, but I am getting better. It’s so slow, you can’t imagine.

My shrink came by today. She is very helpful. I’m having anxiety about my up
and coming MRI. They put you on a gurney and bring you into a tube. It’s very
claustrophobic. Lasts about 40 minutes. I don’t know why because in the past I’ve been
all right with MRI, but now I feel very claustrophobic. I hope I can do it without a panic
attack. I’ll try and think of something like surfing.

My eyes seem to be getting better. Both eyes are jumping up and down together. Before,
one eye went up and down and the other eye went side to side. Now they are working
together. No more eye patch. I still wear the prism glasses in the morning and afternoon.
Therapy has been good. I’ve been walking a little smoother. I walk with a therapist on
the right and the left, with my arms over their shoulders. It’s a good thing I had a lot of
training in this area. I used to do the drunken sailor walk home all the time. I used to
like to be at the bar. Anyway, that was then. The therapists are working on getting me
stronger. They are working on more weight bearing exercises. Every one is different.
You’ll find out. I did notice a lot of soldiers at my therapy session. There must be a lot
of people coming back from the wars with injuries. Man, talk about stress.

My father has been doing a lot of work lately. He’s been commissioned to do landscapes
from above. It’s all about the Hudson Highlands. Good stuff. Seeing the work makes
me want to go out and shoot. I wish I could go along with him and do photos. Patience.

I meet on Friday with a gallery to talk about doing a retrospective of my work. I have to
find a curator and start thinking about the show. Should take about a year to put together
properly. It’ll be a nice distraction.

At this stage, it’s pretty tough. It becomes a mental game. Like I said, I can do it
physically, but I’ve never been tested like this mentally. Needless to say, I don’t get
much sleep. I end up staring at the ceiling a lot. My profound statement of the day is:
never think too much.

P.S. The other day was September 11th. Ten years ago was the tragedy of September
11th, 2001. I was surfing back then. There was a Bermuda Low pushing up a nice swell
towards Montauk. It was a perfect day for surfing. Offshore winds. Doesn’t get better.
Anyway, there were some guys who were playing hooky from work because the waves
were so good. Their lives were spared because of surfing. They would have been in the
twin towers during the collapse. They were in a state of shock as all their friends were
gone. But they were saved because of the waves. It was a strange day. We were all in
the parking lot listening to our radios in our cars. There was one guy out there. A perfect

day and only one person surfing. Some F-18 fighter jets came down from the northeast.
They came screaming by with their afterburners on, hauling butt towards New York.
With that we left for home. What a sad day. I got home and retired my board, never to
ride that board again.

This week, 10 years on, there was another Bermuda Low. I’m sure there were great
waves. I hope all my friends enjoyed it. Those days are over for me, I think. But you
never know. I might be back. See you next week.

B. Nice