Chapter 18 - August 23, 2011

I have a lot to say this week. I don’t know where to begin. Last week was my 2 year
anniversary. It was about 2 years ago that I had my major bleed. I was recovering from
my bleed a year into it, I had another operation, so I’ve had 2 brain surgeries over two
years. What a drag. Whenever you reach an anniversary or milestone, it brings up
memories. Things I choose not to remember. It’s been tough. But I still keep looking
forward. Through all the crap like my divorce, not seeing my daughter. Slowly healing.
Etc. My friend who’s writing this for me had a vacation. I need a vacation. I wish I
could go surfing. I just need a break it seems. Oh well. I’ll just keep going.

One positive thing I think of is I bought a lift. Sure Hands Lift. It’s been great. Best
piece of equipment I’ve had yet. It helps me sit, balance, stand, pull ups, all good things
for healing. I stand for twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes at night. It’s
great. It helps the blood flow and it seems to be good for my chest. A positive thing. It
feels great to get out of my wheelchair.

Another positive thing is I started recreational pool therapy. I go to the pool and float
on my back. It feels great. As time goes on you start in the deep end walking, and end
up in the shallow end walking. But I’m not there yet. I only use the pool to relax at the

I don’t know why but when I got in the pool, I had an epiphany: I realized how messed
up I was. I have a long way to go to get better. I guess the fear I have of drowning if
someone dropped m in the water, I could easily drown. Not a comfortable feeling. I am
used to the water. I’m a water person. Worst comes to worst, I could hold my breath for
a long time. The trick is not to panic. Anyway, I believe water therapy really helps you.
I can’t wait to go more often. I have to get permission from my physical therapist.

This week, my mom got me out of the house, broke up my routine by bringing me to my
friend’s house. He has a great place about half an hour away. It was kind of bitter sweet
going there ‘cause it made me realize I have no home. I have nothing. I was happy for
him, because it’s a nice home. I guess one day I’ll have a home. Everyone says it’s just
a material thing, but it makes a difference having a home. I miss my home.

I’m searching for the profound thought of the day. I can’t think of one. Maybe we
should ask the dog. He’s been a good companion. What did Neal Young say, “A man
needs a maid.” Instead, I have a dog. He’s good for me because I seem to benefit from
having him. It works the hands because I pet him a lot and I play fetch with him. You
see, at this point in time, life becomes therapy. That’s my profound thought of the day!