October 3, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog about the present and I'm presently sitting here with my friend on a beautiful fall day. We're outside. The leaves are starting to turn, it's really beautiful, but my dog has the most outrageous gas. Thank God it's windy.

You know, the other day a friend of mine said to me, "Oh, captain demando, you are." I said, "Whaaat?" Apparently I'm very demanding. Well, you know what, maybe I am, but if you couldn't feed yourself or walk, you'd be demanding too. I try to feed myself, but I end up stabbing myself in the lip. And when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm brushing my eyeball. So, you see, I am a little demanding when I ask people to do things for me. I can't do anything but talk and I couldn't even do that a little while ago.

This week actually was yesterday, I went to get into the therapy center at Burke. I wanted to try out some other bikes. It was just me and one other guy. The head person there said, "We have a few volunteers that will help you." All of a sudden about ten 24 year old girls walked over. You know, I think I had a dream like this. Back to reality. They helped me get on a recumbent trike. It's very low to the ground and a three wheel bike. It's a hand pedal bike. Anyway, I forgot to mention I can stand up and get on the bike, but before I could speak, ten women picked me up and started to carry me towards the bike. I was about to say something, but then I thought I'd just give in. It was kind of crazy cause it took about ten minutes to get me on the bike. I said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Do you guys come with the bike if I buy it?" Well, they nervously laughed and put me on the bike. They strapped me in everywhere. I felt like a freaking christmas tree because I had so much bracing on me. My hands were strapped to the handles. My chest was strapped to the back. My feet were strapped in. You got the idea. It was a bit too much. I appreciated their help, but give me a break. The cycling went well. I just took a few laps around their track. I invited them all out for drinks but they all walked away.

The other thing I've been doing, I've been going back to water therapy a lot. It's really great because as I mentioned before, you can walk in water by yourself. It's fun, a little exhausting but it feels great to actually walk.

I wanted to mention before that I wanted to dedicate this to my friend who passed away. She was really cool. Like a sister to me. Anyway, I didn't go to the funeral because any kind of stress could cause a seizure. I didn't want to take a chance of having a seizure at her funeral. I mean even the morning news sets off mini seizures. Now it's a fine line between medicine that works and keeps you active and medicine that works and turns you into a drooling piece of meat. Just an observation there. Anyway, I'm gonna leave it at that. I'll include some photos from my current work.

Oh yeah, to go back to the homepage, go to www.briannice.com.

Talk to you all next week. Love, B. Nice

September 26, 2014

Hi you guys. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the present. You know, the here and now.

You know, a lot of people say I'm a worry wart, but I have a lot to worry about. I mean give me a break. You should see what I saw. For one thing, if you saw what I saw you would turn off your phone and put it away before you drive. There were a lot of people with injuries from the phone in the car. That's why I'm a worry wart.

Frustration. That's a word for this week. Frustration. I'll tell  you, when you're at this point all you want to do is get up and walk across the room and read a paper. But if I tried to do that, I'd look like a character out of Monty Python doing a silly walk. I guess I just have to be patient, but I'll tell you frustration is really kicking in. I'm getting better, no doubt, but it's very very slow. Hey! Did you know we only use about 10% of our brain? Just a fact I'll throw out there. You know my friend here was reading past blogs to me and it must have triggered a dream I had the other night. You know, the blog where I talked about the bartender in Mexico. It made me think of a drink to make: 8 oz. of tomato juice. 4 oz. of beer. 1 shake of tabasco sauce. 1 shake of bitters. 1 oz. of really good silver tequila (you know, top shelf stuff). 1/2 oz. of cointreu or grand marnier. 1/2 oz. of real fresh lime juice. 1/2 oz. of sugar cane syrup. And mix it all up over ice and then strain into a glass of ice, a glass that's rimmed with salt. Throw in a lime and a fresh celery stick and Voila! You have a bloody Marguerita. Too bad I don't drink anymore.

I have lots of dreams. They seem to come to me, you know, the creative dreams, they seem to come to me around 4 am. It's been fun making these dreams come true. Like, I have dreams about painting and photography. I think I mentioned this before. Dreaming. Hey, I got nothing better to do.

I live with my parents just north of New York City. We live on the Hudson River. It's been an amazing summer. I spent a lot of time outside, in my wheelchair, just looking at things like a tree or a glass of water. It's been a very Zen experience. Just opposite to what my life was like. Maybe it's all part of the healing process. The weather's been great. I'll include some photos I've been taking. Some new stuff. Hope you have a good week. Love, B. Nice

September 19, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to another week of traumatic brain injury recovery. I'd like to dedicate this blog to all the volunteers that have been helping me.

I mention volunteers because I went out for a bike ride with Burke hospital. There were volunteers there that helped me a lot. There were also volunteers when I went to Helen Hayes. It's pretty cool. They volunteer their time to help you out. I am very impressed.

There's so much to tell you. I don't know where to start. I mentioned I added another day to my water therapy. That's been great. It helps with the walking so much.

My friend who's doing a documentary on my recovery, he came up the other day. The film I did when I crossed the country is almost done. It was great to see him again. We went over some of the images I shot and he reminded me what a great trip it was. You know, life does become therapy. Just the simplest things help in your recovery. Looking at the film he shot reminded me how important it is to do what you love to do. And I love photography. It really picks me up. It gets me through the rough stuff. Speaking of rough stuff, oh man, I've been having a tough go. It seems like my body is waking up more and more. I said it before, but I'll say it again, it's bizarre. Things are a lot clearer. My vision is a lot clearer. I went out to Montauk, my home town, and I think I don't like what I see. I see this as metaphor and reality. I guess things do change over 7 years. You know, it's strange. It's like I'm in a time machine. I picture things as they were, and for me to go back and, like my old neighborhood, for me to go back seems difficult. Hard to describe, but it's not easy. I say sarcastically, just another fine day of brain injury recovery. It was funny. I was talking to my daughter on the phone. I think I might have said this before. I was talking to her like she was 2 and 1/2, you know, when I went into the hospital. There was a moment of silence. She said, "Dad, I'm not a baby. I'm grown up." Pretty funny. You see, kids are a good gauge of time.

I'm already planning my next big adventure to Europe. It's good to have goals and my goal is to be walking with a walker by the time of our departure. So I basically set a date that I'll be walking. I guess it's put a little fire under my ass and it gets me going. For example, I use my machine, the Up & Go, to help me walk. I use it every day and I stand every hour. It's a lot of hard work, but it will get me to where I have to be.

I'm going to include a few photos from my road trip and keep this blog short. To look at my other blog, you know, the one from the past, go to the other blog from my website.

Talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice

9 September, 2014

Hi everybody! So you want to hear something profound? I wake up every morning around 4:00 am and I can't get back to sleep. Anyway, I thought of something profound the other morning, and it goes something like this: I see the world through the eyes of my father's voice. That in combination with the grit and determination of my mother equals, well, me. That's kind of profound, right? Either that or I've started taking drugs again. And either way, it's kind of true. You know, when you're in this state, traumatic brain injury, your recovery is very important. In other words, I've found you need to be positive, creative, playful like a kid, and laugh about yourself and your situation. It's all very important. My background as an athlete also played a huge part in my recovery. For example, when I would run a race, I would break down my times and try to achieve specific time. It's kind of like now and getting better. You take everything in steps and break it down. For example, just sitting up, you have to imagine a string going from your nose to your chest and pull your head up and then your core engages. You see, everything is in steps. It's all rather tedious, but it seems I have a little time on my hands so it doesn't matter. The point is you have to be patient and do everything simply and slowly.

The other thing that's happened to me this week is everything is getting more and more clear. It's pretty wild. I keep saying this but it's hard to describe but everything is clearer. It's a good sign. It's bizarre because I see everything clear and sharp and then next moment I'll be fuzzy and claustrophobic again. I go back into my, well, I don't know what you call it, my shitty state. I always look forward to the clarity. My friend here asked me if those moments of clarity are getting closer and closer together and they are, but on the down side, my other moments, you know, the bad ones, are getting closer and closer together as well. I go from one extreme to another it seems. It's kind of a drag but it's also good.

The other thing that's cool is I added another day of water therapy to my regime. It's pretty cool because I'm now walking in the deep end of the pool by myself. It feels great. But, I tend to joke around a lot and when I swallow water and almost drown, everyone just laughs and doesn't help me. I guess it's a classic example of the boy who cried wolf. I must remember what the Japanese used to say, "You must work and not fool around Mr. Brian."

The other thing I've been doing is editing all my film from my road trip. I think I told you my friend here put some of my selects on a dvd. It makes the editing easier for me. I remember the strong images. That plus it's fun to see the road trip again.

The last thing I'll really talk about is my painting. I've been painting more and more with my father and other people that stop by. It's fun because their personality comes through in the images. I can see who painted with me. I'll show some work later. It's my way of having fun. That, and shooting a deer from the kitchen window (just kidding). Anyway, have a good week. I'll put a few selects from the road trip. Love and miss you guys. Love, B. Nice

3 September, 2014

So imagine this, imagine on your index finger balancing a marble and then some legos, a bunch of them, another marble. That's what I feel like when I try to stand up. It's not easy, and some days are easier than others. For example, we recently had a heat wave and it seems to have made things real difficult for me, like just standing. It's been hard for me to speak and I have more, what I call "moments," which are probably mini seizures. Other than that, life is great! I say life is great sarcastically. Anyway, I've been looking at different trikes. They are kind of like an adult version of a Big Wheel. I never had one when I was a kid so I guess I'm reliving my childhood. I tried one out and they are a lot of fun. It'll be good to get out of the house.

Recently I've been editing my photos from my road trip. It's difficult 'cause I have to only edit at like fifteen minute intervals. The computer screen makes things uncomfortable for me. So the whole process has been rather slow. But the images look good. I'm happy with it. It's pretty much how I see things. I'll include them later in this blog.

Recently a friend of mine went on a road trip across america. It's good for him, but a bummer for me cause he used to come and rescue me from my self imposed exile. He and I used to go out to lunch. I'm gonna rely on my friend right here to take me out for pizza once in a while. She said possibly pate de foie gras. As long as we have champagne I'm cool with that. Anyway, it's good to get out of the house. I highly recommend breaking things up. It helps a lot.

My friend here is going to put all my selects on a CD I'll watch over and over and remember the strong ones. You see, I edit my film in batches. You know, I did one batch and then I'll edit down from that and then I'll do a final edit. So basically my trip gets edited down three times. It makes it stronger. Anyway, that's about all I have to report. If you want to see my other website, you know, my confessions from the past, you have to go back to my main website: www.briannice.com - just click on the word Blog. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice