9 September, 2014

2733-09 Hi everybody! So you want to hear something profound? I wake up every morning around 4:00 am and I can't get back to sleep. Anyway, I thought of something profound the other morning, and it goes something like this: I see the world through the eyes of my father's voice. That in combination with the grit and determination of my mother equals, well, me. That's kind of profound, right? Either that or I've started taking drugs again. And either way, it's kind of true. You know, when you're in this state, traumatic brain injury, your recovery is very important. In other words, I've found you need to be positive, creative, playful like a kid, and laugh about yourself and your situation. It's all very important. My background as an athlete also played a huge part in my recovery. For example, when I would run a race, I would break down my times and try to achieve specific time. It's kind of like now and getting better. You take everything in steps and break it down. For example, just sitting up, you have to imagine a string going from your nose to your chest and pull your head up and then your core engages. You see, everything is in steps. It's all rather tedious, but it seems I have a little time on my hands so it doesn't matter. The point is you have to be patient and do everything simply and slowly.

The other thing that's happened to me this week is everything is getting more and more clear. It's pretty wild. I keep saying this but it's hard to describe but everything is clearer. It's a good sign. It's bizarre because I see everything clear and sharp and then next moment I'll be fuzzy and claustrophobic again. I go back into my, well, I don't know what you call it, my shitty state. I always look forward to the clarity. My friend here asked me if those moments of clarity are getting closer and closer together and they are, but on the down side, my other moments, you know, the bad ones, are getting closer and closer together as well. I go from one extreme to another it seems. It's kind of a drag but it's also good.

The other thing that's cool is I added another day of water therapy to my regime. It's pretty cool because I'm now walking in the deep end of the pool by myself. It feels great. But, I tend to joke around a lot and when I swallow water and almost drown, everyone just laughs and doesn't help me. I guess it's a classic example of the boy who cried wolf. I must remember what the Japanese used to say, "You must work and not fool around Mr. Brian."

The other thing I've been doing is editing all my film from my road trip. I think I told you my friend here put some of my selects on a dvd. It makes the editing easier for me. I remember the strong images. That plus it's fun to see the road trip again.

The last thing I'll really talk about is my painting. I've been painting more and more with my father and other people that stop by. It's fun because their personality comes through in the images. I can see who painted with me. I'll show some work later. It's my way of having fun. That, and shooting a deer from the kitchen window (just kidding). Anyway, have a good week. I'll put a few selects from the road trip. Love and miss you guys. Love, B. Nice