March 18, 2014

So imagine this: imagine with all your energy you hold onto a rail. You've got a death grip on the rail with both hands, and then with all your energy you lift up your leg and put it on a step and step up, with all your energy. Then you lock that knee and the other leg follows with all your energy. That's the first step. Now go to the eighth floor. That's what my day's like. Hi everybody. Welcome to another wonderful week. I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend who's on Broadway. She got my daughter and my mom and me some great seats. What a great day. Anyway, this blog is dedicated to her.

You know, when you have traumatic brain injury, or something catastrophic, you usually mask your fear with something else. I try to make light of my situation and joke around. Another guy who has traumatic brain injury is in my program and he uses porn to hide his fear. He has an obsession with breasts. They can be on anyone as long as they're large. Hell, if I put a bra on my ass and cropped it right, he would flip out. Wait, that's kind of disturbing that I even thought of that. Anyway, I am a sick puppy. I know. Anyway, I try to hide my fear with laughter.

I saw my physical therapist the other day and she thought it would be a good time for me to have a brush up class. In other words, I go and see her and she evaluates where I am, what I need to have done. I need a new brain. A brain named "Abby Normal" would be fine. Anyway, it's cool cause she suggested I get some parallel bars and start walking. Perfect timing because the weather is getting great on the porch. It's a lot of work though, believe me. There's a big trade show coming up. They have all the equipment you need to get better. I'll go to that and check it out.

The other thing I've been doing is I've been getting on the floor with a mat. My health aide lowers me onto the floor with my lift. I can stretch out, do some yoga like cobra. Feels good. It still amazes me that I'm pretty much like a rock when I get on the mat. I can't do a thing, but you know what? I think about last year. I couldn't even lie on my stomach. I would flip out. So I am advancing, I am getting better. It's slow, but it's happening. My friend here said it's great to realize and it great is to realize. I've been also tooling around in my power chair. I've gotten better at it, thank God. My parents have some nice furniture. It would be a shame to trash it any more.

OK, I'm gonna share with you a brief story. I probably shouldn't tell you, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. You know, I was complaining about the fact that I'm in a power chair. But you know what? I'm lucky. There are some people who can only move their face. They're in power chairs but they control the chair by blowing into a tube. Anyway, there was one guy that went missing at the hospital. He was a guy that was in a power chair with a tube. Well, he had had enough. He escaped the hospital, met some other girl that was in a power chair and went to a local  bar. They drank and drank and they got ripped. They drank so much beer but couldn't get into the bathroom. Their catheter bags were full of pee. They drank so much their bag, which is on your ankle, burst open and the pee went all over the floor. I have a feeling they didn't give a shit. Anyway, security found them at the bar and it was off back to the hospital for them. Just thought I'd share that with you. I'm sure I'm not supposed to tell you, but you know what? I don't care.

I'm going to refer you over to my old blog site. My friend here will give you the link. You know, it's about the past. You think about the past a lot when you lie on your back. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice

March 15, 2014

Hi everybody. I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend. She knows who she is. I get to see my daughter because of my friend. She donates mileage on an airline and my mother goes all the way to Texas to pick her up. Anyway, this blog is dedicated to my friend.

It's the middle of March. Beware the Ides of March. Just a thought I thought I'd throw out there. It is the middle of March and Spring Break came by and went, and I got to see my daughter. Man Kids are amazing. LIke I said before, they're really a gauge of time. My daughter is so grown up. Amazing. I took her to a Broadway play. It was enough to drive into the city, but the Broadway play really sent me over the top. When you have Traumatic Brain Injury, any excessive stimulation makes things difficult. I have a friend who was in this Broadway play. She played a leading role in the play. My friend said to me, "Are you sure you can handle all the lights and the music. Remember this play is done by Rogers and Hammerstein." I said, "Sure, I can take it. What's the big deal?" Then the first curtain went up in the first act I thought I was going to fall over in my wheelchair. Talk about an assault to the senses. There were lights, dancing, loud music, fog machine, strobe lights. It was enough to knock me over in my wheelchair. Plus it was really really loud. I had to keep my eyes closed for most of the play. But, you know what. It was all worth it to see the look on my daughter's face. My daughter was on the edge of her seat, smiling for the whole play. Plus, she got to go on stage at the very end, and meet some of the actors. It was all worth it.

You know what's really weird and bizarre? Every once in a while I get an absolute moment of clarity. Just this morning, as I was about to get off my exercise machine, it was like someone flipped a switch and I had a moment of normalness. Well, it was, the closest way I can describe it, it was a moment of happiness, but it was very brief, and then it went back to, well, Hell. It was like someone flipped a switch back. You know, I said it before, but I'll say it again. If you can bottle the way I feel, you could make a fortune. Some people pay a lot of money to feel the way I feel right now. But for 24/7, I don't think so. Anyway, it was good to feel normal even if it was for a second.

You know what's worse than monday morning while it's raining? Nothing. That's just a profound thought I share with you. There is one worse thing, and that's letting your 7 year old daughter drive your power chair. She totally T-boned me. I was in my backup wheelchair when she rammed me.  I think it was on purpose. She was having fun though. Luckily it doesn't go that fast and it has a governor on it. Plus, for some reason, the dog stays at the other side of the house. Smart dog. 

You know, when you have traumatic brain injury, you really got to pace yourself. I'm exhausted from my daughter's visit. Mind you, it was all worth it, but you know, the visit, plus everything else really makes me tired. You've got to pace yourself. My friend here reminded me, sarcastically I might say, "Gee, I never heard you say that before." Maybe I am 93.

By the way, here's a picture of me and my heart. I paint a heart almost every day, for my daughter. And no comment like, "Brian, you got so OLD. What the hell?" Especially you my friend in Australia. May I remind you of a time when people thought I was your son. And on top of that, your real son said to your wife, "When's that big kid coming back?"

Oh, I just want to share one other thing with you. There is one other thing worse than Monday rainy morning, and that is getting into a fight with someone you love and halfway through the fight you realize you're wrong. ha ha ha. Anyway, I'm gonna share the link of my other blog with you. My friend here will include the link. By for now. Love, B. Nice

March 4, 2014

Hi everyone. I'm gonna call this blog, "Dogs, doorjambs and a steady hand." I'm gonna dedicate this blog to Sauce, Squirrel, Hoser and Tim. Oh yeah, and Adam and Erin.

The first 4 people I named were my track friends. They came by the other day to say hello. It's great when friends visit. It really helps. Adam and Erin were on my trip I did coast to coast. They did a great job.

The other thing is I named this blog, "Dogs, doorjambs and a steady hand."- because I'm a terror in this power chair. How many dogs do I have? Just one, but I should have gotten 4 or 5. The doorjambs are trashed, and steady hand, what's that? I shake so much I could make you an excellent martini. Anyway, never a dull moment. It's all good for Hand/Eye coordination. My poor parents.

The other thing that's good actually is I'm having less and less what I call moments. You know, when I get real stressed and tired I have little moments that leave me really tired. This is happening less and less. You know, every day is different when you have traumatic brain injury. When I wake up, I think, "OK, what do we have today?" It's always changing. Hell, as long as it changes, I think that's good.

You know, I guess I gotta practice what I preach. I gotta stay positive. I guess I have, well, cabin fever. It seems all I do is work, work, work. When I really want to play play play. I guess I just gotta stay positive. There are improvements like, I can roll over and do cobra in yoga. I can lie on my stomach and not freak out. You know these are little things, but I've done this like 3 times. It's all pretty tough, but, you know, like I said, never give up.

Hey, you know, I'm gonna leave you with some drawings I've done. I draw every day. It's good therapy. I like the drawings. They are interesting. Anyway, here they are. Hope you have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Oh! and check out my other blog, it has to do with the past. There's a good story about shit. LINK

February 26, 2014

I'd like to dedicate this to whoever reads this. And it's almost Spring Break. Remember those days? I remember driving up to a hotel in Daytona Beach at the beginning of Spring Break. There were 2 football players holding a naked girl over a pool. She was naked except for a football helmet. Just as we pulled up. They threw her from the 3rd floor balcony into the swimming pool. I thought, is this our hotel? And that was just the beginning of an endless Spring Break. But that's a whole other story. So, check this out. I got my power chair, right? Well, all I need is a white cat, monocle, shave my head and an Armani button up suit jacket, and I'll look like Dr. Evil. As a matter of fact, feel free to call me Dr. Evil for a while. I'm feeling like Dr. Evil, I'll tell you. First of all, I'm trashing my parents house with this power chair. And second of all, I feel like hell. I'm telling you, I'm tired of this shit. My body is definitely going through some changes. Let me just tell you something; when I was in a coma, I remember people talking to me. I could hear. I was only aware of things about 2 feet from me. It was like being in a white out situation. I was only aware of things that were like a foot to feet away. In other words, you could stick me in the broom closet and I wouldn't care. Now, if you stuck me in the broom closet I would say, "What the hell did you stick me in the broom closet for?" In other words, I'm more aware of my surroundings. i guess it's a good sign. It makes you a little more depressed though. It makes you realize that ignorance is bliss. Anyway, I don't want to get too profound on you, so I'll continue with some other stuff.

One of the first things I notice is I get up, I sit at the edge of the bed and I feel like I'm gonna fall. Everything is spinning. But, you know, it's a good sign because I had a really difficult time even sitting up before. I hope the vertigo goes away. The other thing I notice is my hands and feet are real numb. It's more difficult to talk, and my vision is not so great when I'm tired. But I am having no "moments" as I call them. All of this seems to be a sign I'm healing, very slowly healing. I'm happy my vision is getting better. My eyes are starting to register, or, in other words, line up together. I'm very happy about this. You know, because, HELLO! I'm a photographer! Anyway, you know, I'm gonna go to the old blog. My friend here will share the link. I'm gonna tell you a couple of fashion confessions. You know, the old blog is dedicated to the past. See you over there! Love, B. NIce

February 19, 2014

It's a stare off. My dog has my napkin. And I need it because I'm drooling. Every time I try to get my napkin he just growls and runs away with it. But, you know what the saddest thing is? It's the highlight of my day. Man, I gotta get out of the house. My friends came by and brought me to lunch. It was cool and a great break from being at home. I do therapy at home 24/7. It's been like that for like 3 years now. I have one therapist tell me I have to do something that will give me a break. You know something recreational. I tell her I do photography and drawing. That gives me a break. Actually, at 5 o'clock almost every day I do a heart for my daughter. I did a little film of it. Here's the link. http://vimeo.com/86992667 Check it out. My friend, Adam Hall, did the photography and his wife, Erin, did all the production. It was actually a big shoot. It was a fun day. Anyway, check it out.

This traumatic brain injury stuff can be a real drag. You have really bad days and really good days. Just like everyone else I guess. But the bad days are bad, believe me. Right now, my body's going through some weird neurological stuff. I sit on the porch naked screaming like a howler monkey. Just kidding. I am going through some weird stuff though. I would like to just benchmark how I am. It's good for me to look at. I'm having more moments, as I call them, at the end of the day, you know, when I'm tired. I keep getting a weird numbness in my face that moves around. Also, my tongue is numb. It makes it difficult to talk. I'm also very dizzy when I sit up at the edge of the bed. Of course, this is with the help of one of my health assistants. Overall, my body is going through some changes, for sure. I'm convinced it's for the better. Remember, you gotta think positive.

My friend here reminded me that my two photo assistants came by. They were on my trip with me. They did a short film of the trip. It looked real good. I'll share with you guys later. But it looked real good. I'm proud of them.

I've also been working a lot with the Up n Go again. I had taken a little break from it, but I'm back to it. It's a machine that helps you stand up and walk again. It's real good for you, but man, it's tough. I feel like taking a nap after doing that. But it helps. I walked down the hall for the first time in a while. It gives you confidence. It makes you realize, yeah, I'll be walking again one day. One other thing that's been happening to me is I wake up every night around 2:00. I can't get back to sleep. Remember, never think too much. I've been doing too much thinking. It was weird. I couldn't figure out why I felt so strange. Then I realized my legs were out of the bed and asleep. Not a comfortable feeling. At least I didn't fall out of bed.

You see, I have no fashion story to tell today. I think I'll just leave it with traumatic brain injury. But I'm going to leave the link for the other site right here. (http://briannice.blogspot.com) You can read about some other stuff. We'll leave it at that. I hope you guys have a good week. Go sit in a cafe for me. Love, B. Nice