January 9, 2016


Hi everyone. Welcome to my blog where I talk about the present.

I'm presently still messed up. Imagine this: OK, I've got no balance. Can't stand up. Can't walk. I've got numbness all over my face. Can't see good. Can't talk that well. I'm constantly drooling like a basset hound. I have to be fed like a damn parrot. I have a hard time swallowing. I've got a scar in my throat from my trach. The scar is sensitive. My hands are numb and I can only feel about 50%. My right hand is exceptionally tight, and my right two fingers are like a claw. I've got a wonderful scar that goes from my belly button up to my sternum. That's a bonus, it's also highly sensitive because of the scar tissue. I need help using the bathroom. And have a special chair for that. Isn't that wonderful? The whole right side of my body is very very tight and I constantly get cramps. My left foot is exceptionally cold and I also have numbness in my feet. Other than that, everything's great! I have all these disabilities, but you know what, I sure can love. You see, my little one was here for a week and I love her. And it's cool because despite all these disabilities, she loves me right back. It's cool cause she'll do things like have tickle fights. Stuff like that. It's as if I didn't have any disabilities at all. Anyway, I think it's pretty cool. The bummer is, I took her, my little one, ice skating. Now, imagine this, I'm in my wheelchair and she's skating in the middle of the rink. All these people are going in front of me. The ice is bright bright white, so basically it turned into a strobe effect. So, it's kind of an uncool situation if you have a traumatic brain injury. It's like a strobe effect that could trigger a seizure, but luckily I'm on anti seizure medicine. The whole situation still wiped me out. I'm pretty tired. But you get over it. You learn to live with it. You never know what to expect. Things can pop up and surprise you.

After going back and reading all of the above, all of the disabilities above, actually you have to think about the things you can do. You gotta stay positive, and think, well, things can only get better. I'm telling you, it's important. If you just concentrate on the negative it can really bum you out. I just thought I'd mention that.

Every morning I wake up, I say hello to my daughter, even if she's not here. I reach over to grab my watch. I try to put it on. It's like a comedy show, me trying to put on my watch. I got it from a photographer who taught me a lot. Anyway, the watch reminds me also of a time when I would always look at the watch to see how late my other friend was. One time he told me to meet him at a bar in Sydney Australia. It was in an area called Kings Cross. The street I was gonna meet him on was a real seedy street. A real dodgey area. The bar I was gonna meet him at was even scarier. Anyway, I was at the bar, looking at my watch, waiting for my friend who was late, when I looked over the bar I noticed a small stage at the far end of the bar, a real tiny stage. All of a sudden this couple comes out and they are completely naked and they start having sex on this tiny stage. I thought, where the hell am I? While they're having sex, this cop walks in and takes a blatant payoff from the bartender, has a beer, puts the money in his pocket, watches the couple on the stage, and leaves. Then I look a little closer at the audience and I notice a Japanese family in the front row of the bar watching the couple have sex on the stage. They are taking photos. It's probably the most bizarre bar I've ever gone to. I'd like to see those photos though. I'll bet that eight year old kid got some good stuff.

There's just one other thing I'd like to talk about. You know, when you have a traumatic brain injury, it really limits what you can do. One thing I'm lucky about is I've retained all my ability to taste food. This is great when some friends come by with a full on meal. The other day some friends came by with some food up from the city. It was a great meal. Just thought I'd mention that. Good food is good for the soul.

If you want to hear some other stories, you know, stories from the past, check out my other blog. This is B. Nice signing off. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice