March 31, 2015

Hi everyone.  Welcome to the blog where I talk about my past. I can't believe I still have stories to tell you. We always had great places to go and exciting people to meet. That's what I really miss. One time we were in a house in Napa Valley. It was a really amazing house. I don't know why people with a lot of money rent out their house. Maybe it's a tax break. I don't know, but this house was amazing. Anyway, I was standing there looking for a place to shoot when I noticed an amazing photograph above the fireplace. It was a photograph of a computer chip. It was really well done. I asked the owner about the photo, and he said, "Well, that's the first computer chip every made." And I said, "Really? Tell me more about it." And it turns out the guy was partners with a guy named Bill Gates. He designed the first computer chip with Bill Gates. Pretty cool, huh?

Another time I was in the Pacific, near Guam There was an amazing ship in port. The model came out in a retro '70s swimsuit. She looked amazing. So I asked her to go over and yell up to the captain. She asked if we could do a photo on the ship. Well, it turns out the captain also owned the ship. He brought us all aboard and took us out on a cruise. Open bar and everything. It was a great day.

So you see what I mean? It was always an adventure. We would always go with the flow. I have a couple of disasters but we won't talk about them.

It was always interesting meeting new people. One time I had a test photoshoot with a catalogue (they tested me out to see if they wanted to work with me). Anyway, I did the shoot. All went good, then I got a phone call from the creative director. I went to the catalogue main office and met the creative director. He had all my film laid out on his light box. He was going through the film. He turned to me and he said, "Why did you shoot when the girl's eyes were closed. Only shoot when she is not blinking." I said, "Oh yeah, OK, I'll shoot in between when she takes a breath too." I thought the guy was joking around. He just looked at me with a blank stare. The guy was freaking serious. You see what I gotta put up with? People I worked with for the most part were really cool, but this guy was a real tool.

I'll tell you one other story. I was shooting in a house in the Hamptons in New York. I was looking for a place to shoot. Now imagine this: on a photoshoot when the models are getting their hair and makeup done, there's a lot of gossip going around. You know they're talking about food, people, jobs, life. You know, gossip. Anyway, let's go back to me scouting, looking around for a place to shoot. I really liked the light in the hallway of this house we were working at. But I noticed I had to move a table that was in the way. I looked down at the table and there was a silver box and around the box there were photos. Family photos and I looked closer and the whole 6 foot table was filled with photographs. And they had one thing in common: It was one guy. At the end I looked at the box and lifted the cover and there was the guy. It was all ashes and bone. It kind of freaked me out. So I carefully shut the box and ran into the van and said, "You guys, you can't believe what I just saw." I told them and then the ashes became the topic of the day. We didn't shoot in the hall, but we shot in other rooms around the house. After lunch, we decided to shoot outside. Well, I set the model up to shoot, then I said to everyone, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." so I left the set, went into the house, went to the fireplace I saw previously, grabbed some ashes out of the fireplace, put them in my hand and closed my hand. I went outside and stood behind the model and looked for a good position where I would be backlit into a dark background so I would have maximum effect, and I said, "Why don't we shoot over here," and pointed my finger and opened my hand and all the ashes fell out of my hand and all over the model. She freaked out and stood behind the hair dresser screaming. The hairdresser said, "Oh my god, you didn't." I got in trouble. Hey, I thought it was funny. I was sure the guy in the box would have thought it was funny. He had an impish grin in all the photos.

That's it for today. I hope you guys have a good week. Here's my link to the blog about the present. Love, B. Nice

P.S. Hey Sharon, out there, next time should I tell the story about the cat and the sports bag? Remember that?

St. Patrick's Day 2015

I've got some good stories about St. Patrick's Day, but I think I was too drunk to mentally record them. Have a good one. Love, B. Nice

March 7, 2015

Hi you guys. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past. Check out one of my cartoons I did. One of the many cartoons I did in my journals. It was what my life was like. It was crazy. No wonder why my head exploded.

I'm gonna leave you with this cartoon because I can't think of any stories to tell this week. But look forward to another song like the one I did for you last week. Remember, I'm under BriandNice on Facebook. The new song will be called "A Cat and a NYC Rat." Have a good week.

Love, B. Nice

P.S. Check out my blog about the present. Here's the link.

February 28, 2015

Hi everybody. Hey, it's the last day of February. Can you believe it? Welcome to another week of traumatic brain injury recovery. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. I'm gonna call this blog "Three Gendarmes, The Big One, and The Beverly Wilshire Hotel." Now, I know what you sick puppies are thinking about and it has nothing to do with that.

Let's start with The Three Gendarmes. When I lived in Paris I sub-rented an apartment from a friend of mine. It was a cool place but way way upstairs. Like an eight floor walk up. No elevator. I was sleeping one morning when the doorbell rang. I said, "Who is it?" Because I had an intercom. The reply was, "It is the Police." Well, I let them in, of course. They finally made it into my small apartment. There were three gendarmes. Three people from housing and three other people I didn't know about. And of course there was myself and my ex wife. The room was about, I don't know, 15X20. Very small. We were all awkwardly standing there looking at each other and I said, "What's up you guys?" And they explained to me that the rent hasn't been paid in about six months. Apparently there was a rent increase and my friend didn't know about it. The old rent was automatically deducted from his account and the rent I paid into his account wasn't credited properly. It was basically a huge mess up. What a nightmare. Anyway, they came to evict me. A woman stepped forward and explained to me the situation and she whipped out a clip board and said, "Now I will take inventory." I guess they were gonna take possession of all the beautiful furnishings I had. She looked around and she started with the mattress on the floor. She said and wrote down, "One old mattress." Then she looked around and turned around and saw a really old table behind her. She said, "One old table and one old chair." And then she saw the old T V on the floor that was only black and white (oh, yeah, the tv I learned french on by watching old Magnum PI reruns). She said, "One old TV." And that was it. They all looked at each other and they looked at me, and they must have felt sorry for me because they all left, and the woman said, "Tell your friend about the rent increase," and left. It was all bizarre.

Now let's talk about The Big One. When there is a Bermuda low pressure storm system it pushes huge waves towards Montauk, and creates offshore winds. What I'm saying is a Bermuda low produces some amazing waves. But the only problem is they are huge. I heard my local friends talk about the wave and I grabbed my board and my friend and went down to the beach. It was all what they say, closed out. You couldn't surf at my local spot. It was too big so we went to another spot. I took out my board and I was thinking to myself, "Man, it looks pretty big. I wonder if it's safe." And just then, on cue, a guy walked past me with a broken nose and blood all over his head. He said, "Man, it's big out there." So, like the young idiot I was, I decided to paddle out. Now, when it's this big, you get some dangerous shore breaks, so you have to paddle out when there's a lull in the waves, and I mean paddle fast. OK, I'm gonna tell you a short story within this story. I gotta tell you a surfing story. I remember when it was big once, I was paddling out really fast and I looked to my right and one of my friends was paddling fast as well, The waves were huge. Anyway, I looked at the horizon and said, "Oh shit, we better haul ass, look it's coming." We paddled fast. He was a little behind me. Then, all of a sudden the big one jacked up and I managed to break through the wave. Now imagine the scene in The Perfect Storm when the boats try to make it up the wave. I made it, but my friend didn't. I heard the words, "Oh shit!" and he did what's called "going over the falls." He got thrown backwards and dropped I don't know, 20 feet into the turbulent whitewater. Next thing I know I see him getting washed up on the shore. He was all right, but he was pretty beaten up. Now, where was I? oh yeah, going back to paddling out fast. I made it to what they call the line up. I made it to the deep water where I waited for my ride. A big one showed up and I rode the most amazing wave ever, right back to shore where I managed to get in safely, got in my car and went home. It was a one ride day. Like my friend here says, see, I'm not such a young idiot. You gotta know your limits.

The next story took place at the Beverly Wilhsire Hotel. You know, as a photographer, I was never what you call an A list photographer. I was maybe B list or C. I'd still work all the time but I was never a top top photographer. But in the '80s I worked for plenty of guys who were A list. I remember one time I was working for a guy. We got flown to LA to do a 4 page shoot. This is when magazines had good money. Anyway, we got to the hotel and decided we should get room service. Well, since the main photographer had a big suite, we decided to have dinner in his room, his suite. We were in there waiting for food that we ordered and a waiter showed up with a beautiful table. He set it up with a white table cloth, beautiful china, silverware and candelabra and flowers. Another guy came in and made us a cesar salad and another guy showed up and served us amazing wine, and then another guy showed up with our dinner. It was amazing. We had a great dinner along with an amazing dessert followed by a glass of brandy. I was pretty ripped. Anyway, I decided that I should go out and get some water and some beers for the next day. I remembered there was a convenience store down the block. Now this is about 2 am in Beverly Hills. Well, I looked around. There were no cars. No one. It was deserted. I ran across the street and all of a sudden a police car shows up out of nowhere. He stops, makes me get on the curb and says, "Can I see your id please, " as he shined his flashlight on my face. I gave him my driver's license and he said, "New York, huh?" I said, "Where did you come from? You appeared out of no where." He said, "Be quiet sir, and stand up on the curb." Well, the guy gave me a summons. It kind of ruined my night, but just another moment in the life of Brian Nice..

That's about it for this week. I'll give you my link to my blog where I talk about the present. This is B. Nice signing off. Hey! Check it out! My daughter is coming to visit me next week. Pretty cool. Love you guys. Love, B. Nice

February 20, 2015

Hi you guys. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past. It's a blog where I think about things when I was on my back.

The cool thing about living in Australia was I got to go to some amazing locations. I think I talked about this before but some of the islands off of Australia were amazing. Like the Whit Sunday Islands. Rottenest Island off of Perth. Lizard Island off of Queensland. Norfolk Island. It's call Norfolk but I called it No Fuck Island, because there's no fucking way I'd go back there again. Sorry you guys, but it's kind of true. Sorry anybody out there who's associated with tourism to this island. Anyway, the point is, I went to some great locations you would not normally go to.

You know, I used to drink right, a little bit. So, one time I was working with this English fashion magazine. We got done working and the editor wanted to have a drink so she made up her favorite drink and gave one to me. It was red bull and vodka. I'd never had that before. Well, I had about 4 of them. What happens to a person when they drink 4 red bulls and vodka? They go to karaoke. Yeah, that's right, one time I went to a karaoke bar where I had more red bulls and vodka. Next thing you know, I'm on stage slaughtering a song. My singing is terrible. Anyway, there was one particular group of people that didn't approve of my singing. They were a bunch of Asian men wearing suits. They were all paying attention to one guy in particular. They took their karaoke very seriously. The vibes coming from them were so intense I stopped mid-song and sat down. I was having a good time up until then. I think they wanted to kick my ass. So the moral of the story is: don't drink too many red bulls and vodka and go to a karaoke bar. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure those guys in their suits were mafia.

You know, I lived there in Australia for about 12 years. I really miss it. It was a great place to start photography. I don't know how the kids do it nowadays, you know, starting out. It's gotta be tough. I remember, I used to shoot like 2 editorial dories a week. It was a great place to start out. One thing I really regret is I had a chance to buy a small house on a peninsula overlooking the ocean. My wife and I almost did it. We almost bought it but we didn't.  It would have been a great place to go back to. Anyway, I'm done reminiscing. These are all things I thought about while I was in the hospital with my traumatic brain injury.  It's freezing here right now. I'm thinking of some more warm stories to tell you next week.

This is B. Nice signing off, from Ice Station Zebra. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Here's my blog about the present.