Chapter 131 - April 21, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to stories from the past. I'm gonna dedicate this to my friend who's a producer. She recently talked to another friend of mine who is an art director. The producer said, and I quote, "I miss Brian but I'm sure glad he's not here on April 1st." Now, let me tell you something, The Producer, if you have a look at my diary, it happens to be a remarkable diary. Every day is April 1st. So therefore, next time I see you, I'll see you on April 1st! Now, a) I miss you as well, and b) wait until you see what I have in store for you. In the meantime, feel free to do the following:

1. Now this is just wrong, but it happens to be one of my favorites. After you sneak into someone's room, open the toilet, cover the toilet in saran wrap very tightly so no one knows there's saran wrap there. The results are great. Don't forget to close the seat and the top. You can also buy a rat, a big rat. It's made of rubber and that's a real good one. If you can find fishing line, run it through the big rat's head and super glue it to the toilet cover. When they open the cover, the rat lurches out towards the victim. Oh yeah, don't forget to throw in a few squares of toilet paper and a Baby Ruth candy bar.

2. The next item is kind of hard to find, but if you can find it, it's great. I go to any big novelty store. So you basically turn off all the lights in the room. Find a light that's activated by the door light switch. Unscrew the ligthbulb and replace it with this device I'm talking about. The device lets off a blood curdling scream when you turn on the light, so basically the victim enters the room turns on the light, and there's a blood curdling scream. It's quite effective.

3. The next idea I have is great. You go to any thrift store, buy a cheap pair of men's running shoes, take the shoes to the victims hotel room and put them behind a curtain with the toes sticking out. Then gaffer tape a pillow behind the curtain so it looks like someone's there. Have you ever seen someone run out of their room really fast. It's pretty entertaining.

4. Now the last joke kind of dates me. I basically take an album, fill it with talcum powder, slide it under the door and pound on the album cover. It makes a mess of the room, so prepare for a real pissed off victim. That should get you started.

OK, so I'm either running out of stories or my memory is failing me. And be sure to remind me if I start to repeat my stories. I often do that. But my friend here said, "Well, they keep getting better." They're all things that really happened to me. They are things I remembered when I was in hospital. Hell, I could do a whole separate blog on the hospital itself. It was like a scene from one flew over the cuckoo's nest. It was all brain injury people. Just use your imagination. Anyway, if I remember, I'm sure I will, but if remember, I'll include it next week. Here are some photos I did of my recent trip. HOpe you have a good one. Love, B. Nice

Oh yeah, here's a link to my blog from the present. Talk to you later. Love, B. Nice      LINK

Chapter 130 - April 15, 2014

Hi everybody. I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend in Paris. And check out the date. It's the last day to get our taxes in. Don't I blog you on the best days?! Welcome to another week of brain injury recovery. I talk about the past in this blog. You know, things I thought about when I was in hospital, things I still think about. Thinking about things helps me get through the rough stuff.

I was looking at older blogs and I was talking about assistants. You know, photo assistants. I don't know why but it reminded me of a time I had this one guy that I worked with. I decided to go snorkeling on a reef in the Bahamas. He wanted to come along. I said no problem so we both went out to snorkel on an outer reef. Anyway, we got out to the outer reef and I said let's go do some free diving. Let's dive down and check down that cave on the coral reef. Well, we dove down. Lo & behold there was a huge barracuda hanging out. Well, it didn't like us being there so it approached us. Have you ever seen a big pissed off barracuda? It's not pretty. They have big teeth, and this one was about the size of a door. Now what did my assistant do? My faithful assistant grabbed me by the shoulders and put me in front of him. He basically used me as a shield between him and the fish. After I calmed him down I told him to swim backwards to the shore on our back, basically keep your fins between you and the fish. The barracuda followed us back to shore. After we got out of the water I said, "OK, you owe me a beer."

The next situation took place in New York City. I had to shoot a cover for a famous bridal magazine. Well, everything was set up. The model came out and the editor said, "We gotta wait for the necklace to come." It was a piece of famous jewelry that we were going to use. These people showed up with the necklace and armed guards. Well, I started thinking about the shot and my pug kept walking into the photo. The editor thought my dog was cute so I took the necklace off the model and put the necklace on my dog. I told the model to hold my dog. The model did not look happy. Anyway, it was a great shot. It made the cover of the magazine. Sorry to my friend the model we won't mention.

The next story I have really has nothing to do with fashion but it's a good story. I basically ran across the country with 11 other guys. Well, we were in the Guinness Book of World Records. Anyway, it was a hell of a way to see the country. I remember one time I was running on an Indian reservation. It was in the desert in the middle of nowhere. I kept hearing sounds on the side of the road. I couldn't figure out what it was. All of a sudden a wild dog or wolf or I don't know what it was, came out of the dark and tried to bite me. Then another dog came out and another. You get the picture. It was a pack of wild dogs. They were surrounding me. The only thing I had was a flashlight and my relay baton. I started pointing my baton at them and each time I pointed the baton and screamed "Get the fuck away from me," they backed off. Well, it seemed to work and for the next five minutes I would run down the middle of the road screaming and turning in circles. Everyone in the van looked puzzled. The next guy didn't look happy. Anyway, here's a photo from the trip I did across America, you know, the run (thanks D. Campbell). The other photos will be from my trip I did driving across America, the trip I did recently. Oh yeah, the 1979 trip I was supposed to run with Jimmy Carter but he had to deal with some Iran Contra thing. Anyway, have a good week. Love you guys. Love, B. Nice

Oh yeah, here's my link to my other blog. Check it out. LINK

Chapter 129

Hi Everybody. April Fools Day. This is a blog from the past. Stories from the past. I guess confessions from the past. Remember, names and places have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

You know, as a fashion photographer, we traveled to some great places and went to some great restaurants. One time I was at a real fancy restaurant in California. You know, long white table cloths. real silver, it was right on the ocean. It was owned by a famous movie star. You get the picture. Anyway, my location van driver can make the sound of a chicken exactly. She was very talented. At dinner, after they took our order, I said to the driver, "Hey, I have a good idea. Why don't you crawl under the table and make the sound of a chicken." Being as demented as me, she said OK and crawled under the table. I told everyone at the table to continue on talking and ignore anything they hear. Well, she started acting like a chicken. It sounded just like a real chicken. Everyone in the restaurant went silent wondering where the noise was coming from. It was all pretty funny. The table next to me, I think the guy was a vegan. He started freaking out.

Another time I was in Hawaii. It was my birthday. Well, the restaurant spent a lot of time and energy in making me a birthday cake. It was a really fancy restaurant. By the end of the dinner, well, we had gone through a few bottles of wine. The birthday cake came out. The art director picked it up and tried to put the whole cake into my face. Luckily I was still alert enough to get out of the way. The cake went onto the floor. But we were so ripped it didn't matter. We picked it up and ate the whole thing. The owner of the restaurant was not amused. We got thrown out, but hey, we were finished anyway.

I used to direct the models before we'd shoot. I remember this one girl I was talking to. I kept going over and over what I wanted to do and she seemed kind of vacant and far away. I was talking to her more and she explained to me that her brother had just died. I was like, Oh man. Anyway, I said, "You want to work still?" She said, "Yeah, it will get my mind off of his death and work will keep me occupied." Anyway, I got all the film back on her and it was eerie. Looked like she was looking right through me. Her brake lights weren't on, as you'd say. She was there but not. It's pretty wild what you don't see and film captures.

I was thinking about what I talked about above and it reminded me of another time. This model I worked with all the time, she had a bunch of specific poses she'd run through all the time. In other words it was always the same moves. I said to her, "You always do the same thing. It's like a catalogue of poses." So I presented her with a throw down. I said, "OK, I'm going to go through a whole roll really fast and you do all your moves." And you know what? I held my finger down on the shutter release and she quickly did all her poses. It was pretty funny because when I got the film back it was spot on. She had her timing down and she knew her poses.

One other time I was working I booked this model because she was great. Really natural. Really fun. Well I had a chance to shoot a fashion story with her in the Bahamas. It was going to be for a British magazine. Now, mind you, this is how things can get fucked up real quick. Well, I booked this girl because she was high energy. Just what was needed for the story. I started shooting and she stood there like a tree. She was like that for every image. No matter what I said, no matter what direction I gave she just stood there. I finally said to her, "What's going on? What's the deal?" She looked at me and said, "I just found out I'm pregnant." I said, "Oh, is that good or bad?" She said, "I gotta get another drink." I guess that was the answer. Anyway I'm gonna include the link. You know, the link from the present. I hope you guys have a good April Fools Day. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 128 - March 26, 2014

Hey you guys. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. If you want to read about the present, here's the link. Anyway, when I was lying on my back for so long, one way to pass the time was to think about the past. I used to think about stories and things that happened to me. One time I kept bumping into this rock star non-stop. It was weird. It happened every week for like a month. It started with me and him getting on an empty elevator. We had a little chat. The following week I saw the same guy in duty free customs and getting stopped. We had a chat. And then the next week I saw the same guy in a bar in New York. We had a chat. The next week I saw the guy in Harbour Island, the Bahamas. We had a chat. The guy was looking at me kind of funny. I think he thought I was a stalker. The following week I was on a photo shoot in Jamaica. The manager of the resort I was shooting at called me over. He said, "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Mind you, I was checking in. He called me over to his office and there was the rock star. He said, "Mr. So & So would like to extend his stay. It's your room. Would you mind if he stayed on." I said, "Where the hell and I supposed to sleep? By the pool?" Anyway, I offered to spoon with him but he didn't think it was funny. He stormed out of the office, grabbed his girlfriend and took off in his own personal helicopter.

I'm trying to think of other stories from the past. One reader of this blog suggested I tell some more photo assistant stories. Oh my God! I wouldn't know where to begin. It could be a whole other blog on its own. I had this one girl as a photo assistant. She decided to change my film, 8X10 film. You need to do this in total darkness. Well, she brought all the film and all the 8X10 inch folders into the changing room and she closed her eyes tight and didn't turn off the light. So she changed the film in total lightness but her eyes were closed. I think she was cross bred with an ostrich. Anyway, the stories go on and on. I'll include some photos I'm doing now. Hope you guys have a great week. And remember how lucky you are - not to have a photo assistant. Just kidding. They actually have saved my ass many times. In fact, I'm sitting here right now because of a photo assistant. He saved my life. Talk to you soon, with another story. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 127 - March 18, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to stories from the past. They're stories I used to think about when I was lying on my back for years and years.

One time I got done shooting and I went to my friend's house for dinner. Dinner turned into drinks. Time got long. And next think you know, it's like 1 am, and I was very drunk. It was a time in my life when I was also very poor so I decided to take the bus home. Mind you, I lived in a suburb just outside of Sydney Australia. The bus was the last bus and it made all the local stops all the way to Manly. It took a good 2 hours. Anyway, at each stop the people that got on seemed to be drunker and drunker. Next thing you know, people were taking turns getting up and singing. They were all singing bar songs and cheering along. A cheerful bunch. Anyway, they were giving some guy at the front of the bus a hard time and finally he stood up and bellowed out a ballad that was unreal. The guy must have been a professional singer. The girls were at the edge of their seats in awe. The guys were watching him, all quiet, with their mouths open. The bus came to a stop and he got off. The guys on the bus went, "Yeah, yeah, he was all right. He was good." It was a great scene.

I used to love living over there in Manly. I used to take a ferry to get there. It was just outside of Sydney. What a great place. I would shoot there as often as I could. Australia was a great place to start out in photography. I did about 2 editorial shoots a week. In New York, everything became commercial. You used to work your ass off just to pay the bills. Remember, if you're a young photographer, it's important to keep up the editorial and the commercial.

Not much else to say. I'll include some photos of the trip I did across the country and a link to the other blog about the present. It was tough man. I'll tell you. I could barely lift the camera. My friends did a documentary of the trip. I'll share with you soon. Hope you have a good week. Love, B. Nice