Chapter 129

Hi Everybody. April Fools Day. This is a blog from the past. Stories from the past. I guess confessions from the past. Remember, names and places have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

You know, as a fashion photographer, we traveled to some great places and went to some great restaurants. One time I was at a real fancy restaurant in California. You know, long white table cloths. real silver, it was right on the ocean. It was owned by a famous movie star. You get the picture. Anyway, my location van driver can make the sound of a chicken exactly. She was very talented. At dinner, after they took our order, I said to the driver, "Hey, I have a good idea. Why don't you crawl under the table and make the sound of a chicken." Being as demented as me, she said OK and crawled under the table. I told everyone at the table to continue on talking and ignore anything they hear. Well, she started acting like a chicken. It sounded just like a real chicken. Everyone in the restaurant went silent wondering where the noise was coming from. It was all pretty funny. The table next to me, I think the guy was a vegan. He started freaking out.

Another time I was in Hawaii. It was my birthday. Well, the restaurant spent a lot of time and energy in making me a birthday cake. It was a really fancy restaurant. By the end of the dinner, well, we had gone through a few bottles of wine. The birthday cake came out. The art director picked it up and tried to put the whole cake into my face. Luckily I was still alert enough to get out of the way. The cake went onto the floor. But we were so ripped it didn't matter. We picked it up and ate the whole thing. The owner of the restaurant was not amused. We got thrown out, but hey, we were finished anyway.

I used to direct the models before we'd shoot. I remember this one girl I was talking to. I kept going over and over what I wanted to do and she seemed kind of vacant and far away. I was talking to her more and she explained to me that her brother had just died. I was like, Oh man. Anyway, I said, "You want to work still?" She said, "Yeah, it will get my mind off of his death and work will keep me occupied." Anyway, I got all the film back on her and it was eerie. Looked like she was looking right through me. Her brake lights weren't on, as you'd say. She was there but not. It's pretty wild what you don't see and film captures.

I was thinking about what I talked about above and it reminded me of another time. This model I worked with all the time, she had a bunch of specific poses she'd run through all the time. In other words it was always the same moves. I said to her, "You always do the same thing. It's like a catalogue of poses." So I presented her with a throw down. I said, "OK, I'm going to go through a whole roll really fast and you do all your moves." And you know what? I held my finger down on the shutter release and she quickly did all her poses. It was pretty funny because when I got the film back it was spot on. She had her timing down and she knew her poses.

One other time I was working I booked this model because she was great. Really natural. Really fun. Well I had a chance to shoot a fashion story with her in the Bahamas. It was going to be for a British magazine. Now, mind you, this is how things can get fucked up real quick. Well, I booked this girl because she was high energy. Just what was needed for the story. I started shooting and she stood there like a tree. She was like that for every image. No matter what I said, no matter what direction I gave she just stood there. I finally said to her, "What's going on? What's the deal?" She looked at me and said, "I just found out I'm pregnant." I said, "Oh, is that good or bad?" She said, "I gotta get another drink." I guess that was the answer. Anyway I'm gonna include the link. You know, the link from the present. I hope you guys have a good April Fools Day. Love, B. Nice