Chapter 81 - December 18, 2012

Olaf the Wonder Cat. My friend here asked me, "Who is Olaf?" (See previous Blog.) Olaf was my friend's cat. He used to torture me on a regular basis when I would visit my friend in Paris. He's a good friend. He made the mistake of saying, "When you come to Paris, look me up." Little did he know, I went to Paris the following week. I looked him up. I looked him up. I think I called the guy every day. I didn't know anyone else to call. Anyway, it was fun hanging out with him. One time he got a big job for a big magazine. Oh yeah, he's a photographer. Anyway, he got a big job, and he said to me, "Will you be the assistant?" I said, "Sure, no problem." But the guy was so damn excited, he showed up for the job without his cmaera. I brought the cameras to him and we all had a great shoot.

No good deed goes unpunished. Sorry to be a bummer, but it's kind of true. I stopped recommending models because of the following stories. I got booked to do a fashion shoot in the Bahamas. They didn't have a model. I said, "I know the perfecct girl for the job." Well, they booked her. She was perfect for the job. But the first day was terrible. I said to her, "What's going on? You seem so distant." She said to me, "I just found out I'm pregnant." I thought...great. Well, is that good or bad? She was totally freaked out. She didn't know what to think of it all. She just stood there like a rock for all the pictures. Needless to say, I never worked for that magazine again. Another time I recommended a girl for a big commercial shoot. We were in Puerto Rico. The girl was not there. She had a vacant look on her face the whole time. I said to her, "Are you all right? What's wrong?" She said, "I just found out my brother died." It was eerie. All the film, it looked like she was looking right through you. One of the scariest things I've ever seen.

Sometimes booking a girl for a job can work to your advantage. I was in Los Angeles working for a Japanese client. They wanted to go out to dinner to a specific place. Well, this specific place needed about a 6 month in advance reservation. I thought great, what am I going to do, but we showed up. I thought what the hell, let's just give it a shot. I showed up and asked for a table for 6. The maitre'd said, "Do you have a reservation?" I said, "No." They looked at me like I was from another planet. All of a sudden, the hostess, she recognized the girl I was with, the model. They knew each other from school. Next thing you know, we're at the VIP seats at the sushi bar. We had a great meal. It was a great night.

I'm a little frustrated right now. Waking up is really difficult. It's hard to go from deep sleep to being awake. It's tough. I guess I'll reflect on what I did this week. It's important to get vertical as often as you can. You know, stand up. I have a thing called a Sure Lift. It helps me stand. It also helps me get onto the floor. On the floor I can do stuff like yoga. Do cobra, etc. I talked a little about that in the previous blog. They're all small and simple things, but they all add up. You gotta stay active. You know, everyone's different. A friend of mine just had brain surgery. She went in on Tuesday, went home on Friday. Amazing. Everyone's different. Everyone's outcome will be different. It was strange. I went to the hospital to see her. It was the same hospital I've been admitted to 3 times. It was strange going there as a visitor. It was kind of funny. We were in the lounge just having a chat. The nurse came in and said time for your medicine. I automatically opened my mouth like a bird. The nurse was talking to my friend.

I'm gonna tell some random stories. When you're in a state like I am right now, it's always good to think of the past. Think of stories or preoccupy your mind with things that are pleasant. Hey, it's better than staring at the wall.

One time I was in Paris. I had just gotten there. I was lucky. I started working right away. Anyway, I was on a photographic shoot with a famous magazine. The whole crew was new to me. The morning went really well. We broke for lunch. A two hour lunch. We sat down at a great restaurant. I said to my assistant, I'm a little nervous. This is all new to me. I don't know anything about wine. The guy handed me a wine list that looked like a weapon. It was huge. Anyway, I said to my assistant, "I don't know what wine to get." He said, "Breean, it's very simple. You're looking in the wrong column. Don't look to the left. Look to the right. Look for a big number. That's the wine to get." He was right. It worked.

I used to love to scare the shit out of my assistants. It's kind of twisted, but funny. One time I was on vacation on a photographic shoot. We hired a big generator to power my lights. Anyway, the generator cut out. My assistant went down to check it out. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, we were shooting at my parents house. Anyway, when my assistant went to fool around with the generator, I thought ah ha! this is the perfect time to get the M-80 fireworks I found in one of my drawers. (An M-80 is a firecracker with a quarter of a stick of dynamite.) Anyway, I lit the M-80 and tossed it under the generator. The reaction was priceless. The guy dove for cover when it exploded.

Another time I actually got in a lot of trouble. I had a fake snake in my bag of tricks. We put it out in the grass. The model I was trying to scare had a phobia of snakes. She ran into the location van and wouldn't come out. I got in a lot of trouble.

I guess I'll end this where I started. I was talking about my friend in Paris. I met him in Australia. A makeup artist friend of mine said, "Will you guys meet up?" She thought it would be helpful for the Parisian guy to meet me. I said, "Sure. No problem, just meet me at the cafe at the end of the beach." Well, I forgot to ask what he looked like. I arrived the next morning where I was supposed to meet him. The whole place was packed with people. Then I noticed at the far end of the cafe, a guy pasty white, dressed in black, long dark hair, wearing dark ray bans, not talking to anyone. I thought ah ha! French photographer!

I'll talk to you guys next week. Remember, stay positive. Love, B. Nice