Chapter 59 - July 17, 2012

Windsurfing, long boarding, running, tennis, tae kwon do, snow skiing, water skiing, cross-country skiing, biking, hiking, you get the idea.  I was a very active person.  Now, I sit in a wheelchair and stare at a tree.  It's hard.  It's really difficult to be so active and turn to a wheelchair.  I guess the only thing worse is I have an aide with me all the time.  I have someone bathe me, feed me, take me to therapy, dress me.  Everything.  That's really torturous.  But, like I said before, I'm forever hopeful I'll get better.  And I am getting better.  Just the other day in therapy, I walked for half an hour.  Mind you, it was with my Up and Go, which is kind of like a walker, but I did walk.  I felt like I ran a marathon.  I was so tired.  I think I'm still tired.

Hey, my sister had a fundraiser at her Theraputic Riding Center.  It was an amazing event.  It went really well.  I'm still amazed that she broke ground on the Theraputic Riding Center 2 days after I got injured.  It's kind of ironic that she's doing a therapy center and I got injured.  So ironic.  I hope she doesn't start a cancer research center.  Anyway, her site is:  If you want to check it out.  I'll probably start therapy there when I'm a little more stable.

I just want to mention something.  You know, you get all this stuff like a walker, a power chair, a bed, a shower chair, when you have traumatic brain injury.  Sometimes you look at the stuff and think, Man, I'm messed up.  You gotta look at all these items as tools to get you better.  Like I said before, don't get hung up on the tools.  It's not forever.  Like I said before, the only constant in life is change.  So you'll get some other tools later.  That's all I'm gonna say about that.  Oh, one other thing.  Make sure you buy quality stuff.  Don't go cheap.

OK, now I have a few more fashion photography confessions, things I'm not proud of and I still feel guilty about.  Remember, I've been lying on my back for a long time thinking about things.

The first situation I want to talk about took place in the caribbean.  I was on a fashion shoot for a British fashion magazine.  I was assigned to do a swimwear story.  I decided to shoot on some sandbars that came out at low tide.  Well, on the way out there, one of the models was wearing the outfit to be shot in.  She looked great.  The young kid driving the small boat couldn't take his eyes off of her.  He kept staring at her.  He was maybe 15 or so.  Anyway, we get out to the sandbar and we were about to start working.  The model and the stylist were talking to each other.  The model yelled out to the kid in the boat, "Hey You, in the boat, reach into my purse and get my chicken cutlets."  Chicken cutlet is a term given to breast enhancers.  It's a term the girls use.  The kid reached into her purse and pulled out her chicken cutlets.  He held them up in the air and looked mortified.  She said, yeah, that's it.  Bring them over here please.  Well, he did.  She put them in and we continued on shooting.  Well, on the way back to the hotel at the end of the day, the boy didn't even look at the girl.  I think he was crying.  I think we shattered all his dreams.

The next story took place in New York City.  We were shooting in a beautiful loft in Manhattan.  I was working with a client I worked for maybe once a year.  They had a producer that they used all the time.  She and I were like an old married couple.  One minute we loved each other.  The next minute we hated each other.  Anyway, there was a lot of real nice art in this apartment.  We were told Do Not Touch Anything unless we talk to the head housekeeper.  The housekeeper and the producer kept going on and on about how valuable a certain vase was.  It was on the mantel and by all means we were not to touch it.  She kept bugging me about it over and over.  So what did I do?  I took a photo of it, gave the photo to my assistant.  Give him some money and I said, go to chinatown, get a vase that looks like this, a real cheap one, but as close as possible in look to this one.  Well, he did.  He went to chinatown, got the vase came back and we replaced the valuable one with the fake one.  I hid the valuable one and continued shooting.  At the end of the day, the producer said something to once again annoy me.  Well, I leaned against the mantel, leaned my face on my hand and acted like a real prima donna New York photographer (very well I might add), and then I yelled at her, waved my hands about knocking the vase over.  I tried to catch it and fumbled with it, and it fell to the floor and shattered.  She freaked.  She started screaming at me, and then she started crying and then the housekeeper came out she was from Vietnam.  She looked at me and the broken vase and she started screaming something in vietnamese.  I thought she was going to kill me.  And then, she started crying.  Everyone was freaking out. I said, no no.  It's a joke.  I was joking.  They didn't think it was funny.  I got everyone to calm down, and then my assistant comes out with the valuable vase and said, where do you want me to put this vase?  The housekeeper looked at me and said, "What did he say?" and she started crying again.  I still feel guilty.

OK, here's the last one.  This story, we'll even give it a name, and remember, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.  We'll call this story, "Scarlet and her Beaver."  I think you can guess where I'm going with this.  Anyway, I was in St. Lucia on a beauty shoot for a British magazine.  I had to do a skin shot and a double page.  The girl I was using had great skin and a great body, so I decided to do a nude double page spread.  It was going to be very tasteful and arty.  She had no problem with it, but she said I'll only do it if I face down on my belly.  I said OK, no problem.  So we started shooting.  Well, the editor said can you go up on your side love?  And the model said, no way.  And the editor said, don't worry, we'll strategically place the gutter and your arms so you won't see anything.  It will be very tasteful.  Don't worry.  Don't worry HA!  Fast forward to New York, a couple months later.  I get a phone call from the owner of a certain modeling agency.  He was furious.  He said, you idiot, we could have shot for playboy and got a lot more money.  I didn't know what the hell  he was talking about so I ran out and bought the magazine.  Well, I opened to my spread and sure enough, there was Scarlet and her Beaver.  On the left side of the spread were her legs and her beaver, and on the right were Scarlet and her 2 friends.  There was nothing strategically placed as promised.  Man, did I get in trouble.  It's always the photographer's fault.  Anyway, when Scarlet and I see each other, we still laugh about the shot.  I learned something about a shoot.  Never turn in film you don't want them to show.  And I also learned that Scarlet gave her beaver a nice haircut.

See you all next week.  Love, B. Nice