Chapter 14 - July 5, 2011

My daughter left for Texas the other day. It was great to have her here. It reminds me
that what is really important is kindness and compassion. You see, it’s really almost like
being reborn again. You’re like a baby. You’re natural reaction to a baby is kindness
and compassion. I guess that’s what it all comes down to when you’re sick like this.
Anyway, Sam gives a lot of kindness and compassion and it made me realize that’s all
you really need. That’s my profound thought of the day.

This week was the 4th of July weekend, and friends encouraged me to go out. It’s good
to break up the routine of therapy and healing. I went out to listen to music. I thought
the noise would really bother me as it has in the past, but I found I could deal with it. It
was good. It was great to go out, though it made me real tired. Every little move was
like running a marathon, which brings me to a thought: When you go home after being in
the hospital so long, be very careful. You will get so tired. I guess you call it “stimulus
overload.” I find it to be very tiring. I’m still not used to it yet, and it’s been 8 or 9
months since I came home. Going through this stupid divorce doesn’t help. It’s a fact
that my wife is suing me for divorce, but I’m not supposed to talk about that so you could
draw your own conclusions.

Oh yeah! Anyone know how to make a Voodoo Doll? Just kidding. I don’t think one is
needed. Remember, live by the sword, die by the sword. And if you don’t have anything
nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I’ll leave it at that. I put away my soapbox.

I will say one thing though, you’ll find, I think I mentioned this before, you will find
people react differently to your illness. You’ll discover who your true friends are and
who is really a good person. Remember, kindness and compassion.

I would like to share a story with you. While I was in therapy, my mother brought Sam
upstairs to see a fellow friend on the 2nd floor. When Sam arrived on the 2nd floor, she
saw balloons at the nurses’ station. She asked, “What are those balloons for?” and the
nurse replied, “Oh, it’s a patient’s birthday.” Sam said can I see the patient? The nurse
replied, “You’ll have to ask her family if it’s o.k.” Sam said, “Where are they?” She got
permission, went into the room and saw the patient. Imagine Jaba the Hut lying in bed
with tubes coming out of her. But Sam had no fear. She belted out, “Happy Birthday”
song to the mean woman, the patient. When Sam was done, she left the room with the
patient smiling ear to ear. Remember, kindness and compassion. She has a good heart.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.

The county nurse has provided a shrink to come and see me. It’s really important to
unload your fears and questions. I don’t know how you go about doing it, but she seems
to help. Hey, whatever gets you by. Could be friends, family, or professional.

The other day, I was in therapy, my occupational therapist noticed a bite on my arm.
It was a tick bite with a bullseye. I probably got it from the dog. They put me on an
antibiotic because I seemed weak and had a fever and had been throwing up. So after

speaking to my neurologist, I started taking antibiotics. But they’re kicking my butt. I’m
tired all the time and I feel stiff all over. It’s hard to even lift up my arms. Brings out
claustrophobia in a big way, and makes it very difficult to talk. I always remember what
my neurologist said. He said, anything you catch, you’ll feel a hundred times over. I
must have lyme disease, or at least I can really feel the effect of the antibiotics.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I can’t seem to catch a break. Talk about being up
against the ropes. Oh man. I can’t even watch TV. My eyes are still jumping. It seems
the only break I get is when I sleep. It’s kind of cool. I look forward to being in my
dreams of running or surfing or playing with my daughter. So when I wake up, I always
look forward to being normal, but I’m greeted with the same old bullshit over and over. I
can’t walk, I can’t see. No one understands me. I can’t talk properly. Back to training.

This might sound corny, if you’re healthy, thank God, or whatever you believe in that
you’re normal. I mean, the fact that you can stand up and go get a glass of water and
drink it, is a miracle. Be thankful for what you’ve got. They took away my damn
driver’s license. Can you believe it. That would be interesting to see me drive. Ha. Be
thankful you can drive. I could drive, but I’m sure I’d take out a few trees. Ha.

Anyway, I’ll talk to you guys later. B. Nice.

P.S. I just wanted to give a shout out to my cousin and his wife. They’re about to have
a baby. I’m really proud of them. They helped me get through some really tough times.
Now they’ll be rewarded with a beautiful baby. Good job you guys. Well done.