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Brian Nice

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The Past

June 25, 2024

June 25, 2024 Brian Nice

Hi everybody. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past.

Ah, relationships. My friend here reminded me that she’s made it to 30 years of marriage. She deserves a gold metal. But I’m gonna dedicate this blog to relationships. I’ll tell you one reason why my brain exploded.

When I first moved to New York I started dating a young woman who was a model I worked with frequently. She was very cool. The only problem was, she was bat-shit crazy. I explained to my roommate, I was going to break up with her. And in his heavy French accent he said, “eeef you're going to do this, you should do this in public.”

Well, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to have this conversation at my favorite restaurant. Now, you remember, New York restaurants in the 90’s were tightly packed. They were pretty much elbow to elbow with the table next to you. (I’m just setting the atmosphere here.) Well, we sat down, we had a nice meal, and I brought up “the conversation.” I said, I don’t think things are working out between us. She stood up and said, “Oh my god! You’re breaking up with me!” The whole restaurant went quiet. She yelled at me, “No one breaks up with ME!” (I almost said, well there’s a first time for everything, but I wisely didn’t say this.) She said, “You know what, I don’t accept this. Let’s go home.” I sheepishly followed her out the door. She got in the cab and I threw the cab driver 50 bucks and said, “Go Go Go.” She looked out the back window and I didn’t need to lip-read, but they said something like, “You mother fucker!” I went back into the restaurant and the maitre’d said, “You have unusual dating habits.” I drank a lot of tequila that night.

I saw her on the street one day, and she was staring at me. She walked up to me and just stared at my face. That was rather awkward. What I took away from this was, never say, “There’s a first time for everything.”

Love, B. Nice

June 4, 2024

June 4, 2024 Brian Nice

Hi everybody. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past.

You know, my life is hard. Sometimes I feel like an ant in honey. So, I often think about my past. It gets me through the day and gives me a laugh sometimes.

I call the shot above, “Swim 4 your Life.” I was really known for photographing beauty on the beach. You know, skin, hair, sand, sun - that sort of thing. I was also known for shooting underwater. Well, this particular shoot, above, I photographed a model wearing swimwear in the waves. Everything was going good until a gigantic wave came. I didn’t say anything to the girl, cause I wanted to get a great shot. Well, I kind of underestimated the size of the wave. It hit the model with such force that it blew off her swimsuit. She got rolled several times and ended up on the beach stark naked. Man, was she pissed off. I thought it was rather funny. Anyway, we never did find that swim suit.

My friend here just asked me if I got rolled by the wave, but I knew to go underwater and miss out on all the action. And oh yeah, I had an underwater camera. My friend here just said that should have been the model’s first clue, that I had an underwater camera. Funny, I never did work with that model again.

I’ll talk to you guys next week. I’m kind of tired because I’ve been on the phone for 4 hours working on better home healthcare. I made a little progress. My goal is to increase the pay for home healthcare workers so that more people want to do this job. Check out the video below.

Love and miss you guys. Love, B. Nice

HELP: a plea for home health aides from Adam Hall on Vimeo.

May 28, 2024

May 28, 2024 Brian Nice

Bang bang bang. I’ve always been comfortable around guns. When my dad was young, he was a ranch hand. The gun for him was just another tool. My father taught me how to shoot a gun. How to clean it. How to respect it, and so on. So I’ve always been comfortable, no problem. But there have been a few situations where guns have made me very uncomfortable. I’ll explain.

My very first ever trip as a fashion photographer, I was hired at the last minute to do a photographic shoot in a part of the world that was really unstable (the photographer the magazine hired, backed out at the last minute). Because I was so young and eager, I took the trip. When I got to where I was going, I realized why the original photographer backed out. Man, it was like the Wild West where I was going. Now, I promise not to talk about the whole trip, mention where I was, but I can tell you this: Our host had a big house, big enough to house each of my crew members. In each room there was a closet and in these closets was an automatic rifle, loaded and ready to go. Just had the safety on. The makeup artist came to my room and said, “Hey, look what I found in my room.” It was a huge assault rifle I’d never seen before. And things got worse from there, but I won’t go into it.

Another trip I was on, the producer had a 9 millimeter automatic in his possession (God only knows why he carried this thing around). Anyway, the producer thought it would be a good idea to throw our empty beer cans into the water and teach the model how to fire an automatic handgun. She fired a couple rounds, hit a can, jumped up and down waving the gun screaming, “I hit it, I hit it.” She had been waving the gun under my jaw. I thought I was gonna have to go check my shorts, and yes, she was blond.

One time, I was visiting some family friends. I came to the front door and a little kid had a 45 mm old time hand gun pointed at me, and he was saying bang bang bang. The thing was loaded. You could see the bullets in the revolver chamber.

But the worst, by far, was the trip I did to West Africa. It was a small country called Togo, Africa. When we arrived, the fashion editor said, I’ll be by the pool. You get the clothes and the equipment. I thought, Great, this is gonna be a fun triup. Well, I went to get my baggage, it was not there. Then a few armed guards came and got me and put me in a military jeep, and when I say armed, they weren’t lightly armed. These guys were ready for war. Anyway, they drove me to the other side of the runway with all my equipment. The soldiers put me in a waiting room. There was one other guy in the waiting room and he was shaking like crazy. The guy was definitely scared. Finally, my name was called and I was escorted to another room. Now, what’s next is like a scene from a movie. I went into this dark room with a long table and my equipment and our clothes on the table. There was one bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Below the light bulb was a general. There were colonels on either side of him and more guys with assault rifles. The whole thing was like a scene from a movie. Then the general said to me, in a perfect Oxford English accent, “What are you doing here?” I said, “We’re just doing a fashion shoot. We’ll be here for like a week.” Then the general said, “Stay at the hotel, around the pool, and don’t leave the grounds, and if you photograph the presidential palace, you will be shot on sight. I thought, “Charming.” I said to him, “I’ll tell my boss.” Later that week, there was a military coup. We were rushed through the airport and got on the plane with just our hands in our pockets. All of our equipment, all of our clothes were left at the hotel. I thought I’d never see that stuff again. I couldn’t believe it, but it all cleared customs in Paris and we got it back.

The gentleman working here at the moment is from Ghana Africa and he remembers the military coup in Togo. Ironic right? Anyway, now you can see why I’m nervous around guns sometimes. I have a few other stories but I won’t get into it.

Love and miss you guys. Love, B. Nice

April 9, 2024

April 9, 2024 Brian Nice

Oh man! I was in trouble. You see, my mom caught me smoking weed when I was young. My friend here asked me how young, but I’m not gonna say. Anyway, she was pissed. That was hypocritical that she was so angry because I remember going over to my parent’s friend’s house and I was little. I was looking over the table after dinner and thinking to myself, “Surely they could afford more than one cigarette.”

Anyway, going back to me being in trouble. I remember sitting at the top of my stairs and listening to my parents talk. They were deciding whether or not to send me to military school or my uncle’s farm in Kansas. They chose the farm in Kansas. I went there with my older cousin who was in a similar situation.

We got to the farm and, oh man, I’m sure we tested my uncle’s patience. We were definitely wild children. One of our favorite pass times was to fire bottle rockets at each other. Real intelligent, right? I remember my little cousin always following us everywhere. So, like intellectuals that we were, my big cousin and I put an M-80 in a big pile of cow shit. We lit it and ran around to hide behind a tree. We told our little cousin to watch the M-80 and make sure it didn’t go out. We hid behind the tree and we kept hearing a small child’s voice saying “It’s still going. It’s still going. It’s still going,” and there was a loud bang followed by a loud silence, followed by a loud cry or scream or something like that. We looked from behind the tree to see my cousin in smoking cow shit. Man, did we get in trouble. Oh, by the way, an M-80 is basically an eight of a stick of dynamite. Something every child should carry with him.

Our second favorite pass time, after fireworks, was the pick up truck. We used to love to see how fast we could get it going. We had no concept of crashing or rolling the vehicle. Death never came into our thoughts. At a young age, you were allowed to use the truck on the ranch, or to go into town to buy food and supplies. It was a farm thing back then. Anyway, once we were on the farm with the truck, we were using the pick up and the farm tractor. We forgot to put weights on the front of the tractor and we were using an auger to dig post holes. Anyway, we basically popped the clutch on the tractor, did a wheelie and trashed the back of my uncle’s pick up. We pulled away the pick up and the tractor came down, but the auger stuck up in the air like a scorpion tail. The auger finally came down and almost took out my older cousin.

Man, I think I would have been safer at Military school.

One last thing I’ll tell you: one morning, my uncle told us we were going to go and hunt rabbits. He said they were a plague on the farm. Well, me and my older cousins stood up in the back of the pick up truck with 12 gauge shotguns. We drove for what seemed like hours, never saw one rabbit. Finally, a small bunny came out from behind the bushes into the middle of the road and stopped. Someone screamed “rabbit” and we all unloaded our shotguns onto the tiny bunny. We basically vaporized it. We taught that rabbit.

I often wonder what would have happened if I went to military school. I don’t’ think putting a weapon in the hands of a young child is a good idea. But that’s military history, right? That’s a whole other debate.

Love and miss you guys,

B. NIce

P.S. You know, my mom was right to be angry. You see, as kids develop, they should definitely not smoke or do drugs or drink alcohol. Their brains are still developing. Who knows what that can do to you. When you’re an adult, all that stuff is your choice. After being on this planet for 63 years, I have seen that all that stuff is bad for you. I’ve lost many friends to that stuff. They say that what’s happened to me is hereditary, but I’m sure my lifestyle did not help. That was just a little advice from an old man. Love, B. Nice

April 2, 2024

April 2, 2024 Brian Nice

Hi everybody. Welcome to my blog where I talk about my past. Wait. I’m gonna mention one thing about the present. Yesterday was April Fool’s Day, right? so I called up my agency, you know, the people who look after me. I told them I was having a conversation with my health assistant. The Health Assistant said to me he never had any hard liquor. So, of course, I made him a Jack Daniels and coke a cola with lemon. I told them the health assistant drank two of them. I told my agency I couldn’t get the guy off my couch. He just laughed and played with my dog. I said to them, I think I’m in trouble. Then I said, “April Fools!” And you wonder why I always get in trouble.

Now, back to the blog where I talk about my past. Above is a cartoon I did of the Cafe I always went to. I guess the cartoon kind of dates me cause everyone was smoking. It was a great café, but I’ll tell you, it was like a sauna around there, everyone smoked so much. But it was always good to have a spot you always went to. The waiters always took good care of me. It’s ironic that my friend pulled out this cartoon as a friend of mine is over in Paris right now.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share this cartoon with you. Hope you had a good Easter and a good April Fools Day.

Love and miss you guys. Love, B. Nice

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