February 2, 2022

93 Colonial Drive. That was the address I used to have in college. I took out a lease on a townhouse just off of campus. The townhouse was full of cross country and track runners. It was crazy. The minute I moved in, I of course built a large bar and got a mascot. The mascot was named Andrew. He was a large red satin rabbit. He was house trained to use the litter box, but he seemed to like the shag carpet better. Everyone used to step on his turds and yell, “Damn rabbit.” I have lots of stories about Andrew. I’ll just tell you a couple that stand out.

One of my roommates was an engineer. He was very poor but saved up all his money to buy one book he needed. Well, he fell asleep on the couch reading the book. Andrew jumped up on the book in the middle of the night and turned the book into a perfect circle. The damn rabbit shit paper for a week. My roommate was pretty upset. I’m surprised Andrew didn’t end up as a casserole.

The next story is kind of gross and R rated, so you might want to put ear muffs on your kids. Well, I couldn’t find Andrew anywhere. I Looked throughout the town house and then I saw his little, rather, big butt sticking out from under my roommates bed. Well, I pulled him out and held him in my arms coming up. The rabbit was choking on something. He had a string in his mouth. So I pulled out the string, and attached to the string was a used tampon. My roommate had been having sex with a girl and the girl chucked the tampon under the bed. I nailed it to the door and wrote a note saying, “This is disgusting. You almost killed my rabbit.” The whole event caused a big controversy in our house because the girl involved was my other roommates sister. Poor Andrew was never the same.

One last story I’ll tell you. I of course had a waterbed, like every late 70’s student would have. Andrew chewed a hole in the waterbed. I woke up in a sea of warm water and bedsheets. Never a dull moment with Andrew around.

He ended up on a farm in upstate New York. One of the track team members adopted him because he thought Andrew would be a good chick magnet. Andrew just ended up eating all his Led Zeppelin covers. Hey, Andrew had good taste in music.

Going back to the bar: the bar I built was huge. My friend here said, “When on Earth did you have time to build a bar?!” I reminded her I was a photography major. I got an old fridge, gutted it, took the door off the freezer, put a keg inside and tapped the keg. We had beer on tab 24/7. The bar was complete with well house liquor, and top shelf items. (I used to be a bartender.) We had parties all the time. My favorite thing to do was called “The Telegram.” The Telegram consisted of a tray, a bottle of tequila, and a telegram pad. You would send a “Telegram” to a victim, they would have to do a shot, and send a telegram to someone else. Everyone was trashed within an hour. The campus police got to know us well. I think the ambulance only came once, and that was for me.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Now you see why my head exploded.

Love and miss you guys.

Love, B. Nice

January 26, 2022

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past.

I’m gonna dedicate this blog to my friend here, who helps me out. I need a lot of help. Believe me.

Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about how cool my parents were. They rented a small stone building from a farmer in the south of France. The building had no running water, no electric. Was basic. Our toilet consisted of a bucket. It was like camping. But being around 12, it was an adventure for me. The building was an old Roman outpost from the Roman Gaul wars. I even found some Roman coins and an old Roman spearhead. It was very cool. My sister and I even went to school there. Was a cool adventure. I learned a lot of French, like “Leave my sister alone,” heh. It was a cool experience though. We went to school in a one room schoolhouse. A cool adventure.

Love and talk to you guys soon.

Love, B. Nice

January 5, 2022

Hi everyone. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past.

Thank God for memories. I know we’re all kind of stuck in our own homes. I’m sure we’re all thinking about past memories. I’m guilty of that. Some things stand out more than others. For example, the birth of my daughter was amazing. I remember, she came out from behind the sheets and looked around like, “What the hell is going on?” She looked at me and I said, “Welcome.” She smiled. Newborns aren’t able to smile, but she did. It was cool.

Another outstanding memory I have is when I was in Greenland with my father. We were on a small fishing boat amongst some icebergs when all of a sudden I saw a float black line in the sky. It looked like someone had drawn a charcoal sketch in the sky. I then realized, because we were in a fog bank, the iceberg blended in with the sky and the line I was looking at was sediment from millions of years ago. It was cool.

I’ll tell the last story. I think I told you before. There was one wave in surfing that I rode that was amazing. I remember it well. Actually it got me through a lot of operations. It was the perfect wave. I sound like a geek surfer, but I guess unless you’re a surfer, you don’t understand. I miss surfing. I miss you guys. I miss a lot of things, and I don’t miss a lot of things.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Check out the blog where I talk about the present.

Love, B. Nice

November 24, 2021

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past.

I’m gonna dedicate this blog to my daughter. She’s very cool.

Every Thanksgiving I tell the following story. I think I told you before, but I’ll tell it again.

I lived in Australia, in a town called Manly. It was near Sydney. One night I had a dinner party and in a drunken stuper (imagine that…) I promised my Australian friends a Thanksgiving dinner. Well the next day, my wife at the time, reminded me that I’d promised my friends a Thanksgiving day dinner. Well, I thought, Oh man, OK, I guess I better serve them up a dinner. I thought, no problem, I got this. Ha ha. The Gods were laughing at me. Try and find a turkey in Australia. I looked everywhere. I couldn’t find one. I finally called the US Embassy. They said they had an extra one at a butcher in Double Bay. I went there and they brought it out to me on a cart. I swear, the thing was the size of a baby Emu. I still say it was an emu. Anyway, after getting home, I looked at the bird, my oven, the bird, my oven. I thought, no way. It’s not gonna fit. I took out all the racks, all the support for the racks. I finally put the bird in the oven on a giant tray on some bricks. Then I tried to shut the door. It wouldn’t shut. So I wrapped the whole thing in tin foil. I started cooking at about 4 in the afternoon, and we finally ate around 5 am. We were so drunk, the carpet would have tasted good. The cherry on top of the cake was that I was awoken to some baby tree kangaroos fighting over my turkey carcass outside. They were a rough bunch.

Just another Thanksgiving down under.

Love, B. Nice

P.S. Have a good Thanksgiving everyone!

November 17, 2021

Hey everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. Now, I can’t remember if I told you this story, but I’ll tell it again. It’s kind of cool.

A while ago I was hanging out with my friends at the beach in Montauk. One of my friends had a sea kayak. I asked my friend if I could take the sea kayak out. He looked at me and said, “Have you every tried a sea kayak? The waves are big today.” I said, no, I never tried a kayak, period, but surfboard, kayak, I think I can handle it. So I went out, but he was right. The waves were big. After I get out past the shore break, I was sitting among big rolling seas. Now, when I was out there, it was just after a big plane went down off the coast of Long Island. The military was going up and down the beach looking for debris. A hummer pulled up next to my friends. A guy got out with a blow horn and said to me, “Hey you in the sea kayak! Pick up that debris for us and bring it back.” I was like, Oh, great. So I paddled over to the debris they were talking about and I saw it was clothes. I thought to myself, oh great, I hope there’s no body in those clothes. I got what I could, basically a shirt and a hat. They were pretty charred up from fire. I’d never been in a sea kayak before, so I was a little nervous. The waves were big. Now, I don’t know how I did it, but I got on a wave and rode it like Hawaii five oh. Basically, rode it right up to the marine’s feet, like I used to always do it all the time. I handed the clothes to the marine. He was a big guy. I said, be careful there’s sea lice in the hat. The guy jumped around like a 10 year old girl, screaming, “ewww, ewww, ewww.” He’d have made a great ballet dancer. He threw the clothes in the back of the hummer and drove down the beach.

Just another day at the ocean.

I miss living there. It was fun.

Talk to you guys next week.

Love, B. Nice