Chapter 135 - May 20, 2014

Hi everyone. Welcome to the past. I said it before, but I'll say it again, when I was just lying about, I used to think of stories like the following:

One time I was working in La Jolla, CA. They were having a wicked El Nino season. Anyway, some big waves were coming in. We were shooting right on the coast. At one point we stopped our shooting to watch some local surfers take on some big waves. Man these guys were crazy. They were catching big rides right by the cliffs and this one guy got pushed under near the cliffs. He basically disappeared right before our eyes. Now check this out. This is pretty far out. So the guy gets pushed underwater right? All of a sudden he finds himself in a cave under water. He comes to the surface in an underground cave. First thing he realizes is he's in an air pocket. He sees some steps so he carries his board up the steps. Mind you, he's all bloody and beaten up. He carries his board up the steps. He comes to a door. Knocks on the door (I'm not bull shitting. This is all for real). Like I said, he knocks on the door. Now imagine there's some people buying some shells in a store. They hear knocking on a door. They clear away some photos and there's a door behind some pictures. It was an old door. You know, like from the 40's. Anyway, the minute they get the old door open, there stands a surfer all covered in blood holding a surf board. Apparently it was an old door and an old passage from a previous store and that was where the shell shop was. Anyway after the people that were picking out the shells stopped screaming, the ambulance and police were called. The guy turned out to be all right but it was pretty far out. We used to see some pretty wild things when we were shooting. 

Once I was shooting in New Mexico in the desert when I saw a black plume of smoke appear right behind the model. Mind you, this was in the distance. Anyway, this black plume of smoke kind kept getting bigger and bigger. It turned out to be a major forest fire in the back ground. It was as if the whole hillside just burst into flames. Ash started falling all around us. Was a hell of a way to end a day of shooting. It was pretty amazing.

One time I was in Santa Barbara, CA. A major fire came over the hill. It was going fast with the Santa Ana winds. The fire started taking out houses, trees, anything in its way. My hotel had a front row seat to this event so I ran inside, grabbed a beer, sat down and watched Hell consume Santa Barbara. It was all entertaining until I heard some voices from the balcony next to mine. I heard a little kid say, "What about my toys?" And then I heard his mother reply, "Well, they can all be replaced. The important thing is, we're all safe." I guess they were evacuees from the fire. It was kind of a reality check. Anyway, I got to talking to them and sure enough, they were evacuees and they lost their house. Sad. But like the mother said, at least everyone was safe.

One other time I was shooting in Japan. Right near that famous mountain, Mount Fiji. Anyway, we were shooting in this mock village of a Bavarian town, and to top it all off, there was some drunk Australians playing oomph music in a small square in the village. It was all very bizarre. My friend here said it sounds like a dream, but it was more of a nightmare. A storm appeared in the background of the model and it started to grow and grow bigger and bigger. I said to my assistant, "Now imagine this," I said, "Look, run, here comes Godzilla, run quick." And then I delayed my voice so it looked like my voice was out of sync with my mouth. Well, my client didn't think it was funny. He said, "Work, Mr. Brian. You must not fool around. You must work."

Talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice

Oh yeah, I'll include the link to my other blog.

Chapter 134 - May 13, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. Speaking of the past, this past Sunday was Mother's Day, so I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my mom. She saved my ass several times. Hell, if it weren't for her, I'd be in a nursing home. That's for sure. Anyway, thanks mom. I said it before, but I'll say it again. Thanks Mom.

I'm gonna start out with some pictures of my old house. You'll see why I get a little melancholy. It was a great house, but you know what, nothing lasts forever and sometimes things change, and you just gotta suck it up and move forward. Anyway, that's my little pep talk for the week.

I know I'm supposed to talk about the past, but, there's this damn bird outside my window and it wakes me up every morning at sunrise. For some reason it makes the exact sound of an alarm clock I had when I was building my house. I can picture it in my mind's eye. It was a black clock with a white face and green numbers. I always reach for the snooze button, but obviously, it's not there. I wake up expecting to go to work on my house and then I wake up and reality sets in. Damn bird.

You know, I've learned a lot through this whole experience, but really learning the word patience has come over and over. I have to be so patient. I remember when I used to be a photographer doing fashion, I had to be so patient as well. I had to deal with weather all the time. You know, like rain and wind. I'd have to make it look like a sunny day in the rain. Never easy.

I really don't have much to talk about this week. I'll include a cartoon. I used to do cartoons. They were a way of keeping my journals. Hell, I have a whole stack of them. Anyway, here is an example. Talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice

P.S. Here's a link to the other blog. Have a good week.

Chapter 133 - May 6, 2014

My friend here, who's writing this, talked about the date. It's the day after cinco de Mayo. May 5th. I used to love to have a few margaritas! Hell, I could get a job shaking them up, I shake so much. I was always hung over on the 6th of May. Just thought I'd share that with you.

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. I'm gonna change things up a little. I used to talk about my former industry. You know, the fashion industry. I'm gonna change things up and talk about building a house. It's kind of symbolic to the way I am right now. You know, when you start with a house, you start with the foundation. That's kind of what I'm doing right now. I had built a house in Montauk, NY. It was right on the ocean overlooking my favorite spot where I used to surf. It was a great house in a great area. Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent there. I'll go back to the foundation. You know, when you build a house, you start with a solid foundation. When you re-train yourself, you gotta strengthen your body. I've had to learn how to do everything all over again. I mean everything. So,  building the house was kind of the same thing. Anyway, it's kind of like building a giant sculpture. I'm talking about the house. It was something I'll never forget. Amazing. It was during a time when the banks were just giving money away. I went to a bank. They said, "You need a construction loan? How much do you need?" I said, "I don't know. How about a million dollars?" And they said, "With verification of your income?" I said, "No." "Any downpayment?" I said, "No." They said, "OK, we'll give you a million one." And you wonder why our country is in trouble. Anyway, building the house was an amazing experience. If you can ever do it, I strongly recommend doing it. I'll never forget, the guy that was overseeing the project for me would bring his dog. I'd be on the 2nd floor girders basically praying for my life not to fall, then I'd hear a bark and there was his damn dog telling me to move. Another time he was in the bucket of the excavator. He'd been accidentally scooped up by the excavator. He was barking away. Never a dull moment. One time, let me back track. At one point I had buried a case of wine about 3 feet down. I was going to dig it up when the house was finished and have a big party. Now imagine this: I pull up one day. The architect, my builder and someone from the town were all arguing. They were like almost in a fist fight with each other. Then they stopped and looked at me. It was all very tense. My reaction, well, I walked over, dug up the case of wine, sat down and opened up a bottle and started drinking. They all laughed. I guess that was my solution. Anyway, the house came out great. It's gone now, but at least someone's enjoying it.

Here's the link to the present. LINK It's a blog where I talk about the here and the now. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 132 - April 29, 2014

This chapter will be called, "June, A John on the John, The Eagle's Nest, and Get in the Car, Let's GO!"

Let's see. This chapter is dedicated to the past, and if you want to look at what I'm doing in the present, here's the link. My friend here will put it in. LINK

OK. June goes like this: I was on a small airplane in the Bahamas going to Christopher Columbus Isle. It's a small island in the caribbean. Anyway, I was on the plane with the crew I was going to work with when I noticed there was a real pretty girl sitting in front of me. She was short but pretty. Then I looked around and saw there was a whole bunch of short but pretty girls. I started talking to her. I said, "What's going on?" She said, "Oh, we're on a photo shoot." I said, "Really? What for?" And she said, "Playboy." I said, "Really? What's your name?" She said, "Oh, I'm Miss June." Anyway, we got to talking and she said she was gonna be in a talent contest that the hotel was putting on. In the back of my mind I'm think, hmm what kind of contest is this going to be? Anyway, I thought, boy, I can't miss this. Anyway, we had dinner that night of the contest and after dinner we went to the contest, me and my entire crew. Mind you, I had a hairdresser with me who was Japanese. He didn't talk that much, I think he was very quiet and conservative. Well he had a few drinks in him and when Miss June came on stage to sing he belted out, "June! June! June!" It was pretty funny. That guy was ripped, and the rest, well, I can't talk about it, but it was a good show.

The next story takes place where I lived in Montauk, NY. It was probably one of the most bizarre things I ever went through. There was a man that owned a house that had stairs going down to the beach. I went to his house to negotiate a price for shooting at his house and using the stair to get to the beach. His wife was there and answered the door. She said I would have to talk to her husband to negotiate the price. She said, "Follow me." So I followed her. The hallway she was in led to a bathroom. The owner of the house, we'll call him John, was on the john. The dude was right there sitting on the john. He said, "What do you want?" I said, "Well, I'd love to shoot here and use your stairs. I wanted to talk to you about doing that and paying you for it." He said, "Sure." Then he started talking. He straightened himself and he started to, well, you can use your imagination. Mind you, he was sitting down (thank god). We went back and forth on a price. Have you ever negotiated with a guy taking a dump? It's very bizarre. Anyway, we settled on a price and the shoot went great.

The following story took place in New Mexico. I was looking at a piece of property with a caretaker. We were looking a pond. I was standing there looking at the pond when I saw a single feather swirl around and land at my feet. I looked up and there was a huge bald eagle right above me and it was looking at me. It was very bizarre and spiritual too. Anyway, I'll leave it at that. It was pretty cool. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. When I was standing there, the owner of the property rolled up in his car and said "What's going on?" I said, "Well, I'm gonna shoot here right?" And the owner looked at the caretaker and the caretaker looked away. I figured it out. The caretaker was gonna pocket the money for the location fee. The owner of the property showed up unexpected. It was all rather awkward, but in the long run I got to shoot there.

The last story took place in New Mexico also. Taos, to be exact. I was on a photographic shoot looking at places to shoot. It was for a magazine so they didn't have much money. We came across a guy there we were talking to. He was familiar with the area. He started talking about a cool location that wouldn't cost us anything. So he said, "Come on, I'll show you." And our editor jumped in his car and they took off. I thought to myself, holy shit! That's crazy. I jumped in our car and took off after him. I had a hard time keeping up with him. I thought, well, this is the last time I ever see her. I guess the moral of the story is: Don't get into cars with strangers. It all worked out all right, even though when she went to look for a map in the glove compartment, there was a revolver. Never a dull moment.

That's all for now. I'm going to show you a few photos I did on my trip across America. You know, I did the trip to show everybody that even though you're messed up, you can still do what you like. Talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 131 - April 21, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to stories from the past. I'm gonna dedicate this to my friend who's a producer. She recently talked to another friend of mine who is an art director. The producer said, and I quote, "I miss Brian but I'm sure glad he's not here on April 1st." Now, let me tell you something, The Producer, if you have a look at my diary, it happens to be a remarkable diary. Every day is April 1st. So therefore, next time I see you, I'll see you on April 1st! Now, a) I miss you as well, and b) wait until you see what I have in store for you. In the meantime, feel free to do the following:

1. Now this is just wrong, but it happens to be one of my favorites. After you sneak into someone's room, open the toilet, cover the toilet in saran wrap very tightly so no one knows there's saran wrap there. The results are great. Don't forget to close the seat and the top. You can also buy a rat, a big rat. It's made of rubber and that's a real good one. If you can find fishing line, run it through the big rat's head and super glue it to the toilet cover. When they open the cover, the rat lurches out towards the victim. Oh yeah, don't forget to throw in a few squares of toilet paper and a Baby Ruth candy bar.

2. The next item is kind of hard to find, but if you can find it, it's great. I go to any big novelty store. So you basically turn off all the lights in the room. Find a light that's activated by the door light switch. Unscrew the ligthbulb and replace it with this device I'm talking about. The device lets off a blood curdling scream when you turn on the light, so basically the victim enters the room turns on the light, and there's a blood curdling scream. It's quite effective.

3. The next idea I have is great. You go to any thrift store, buy a cheap pair of men's running shoes, take the shoes to the victims hotel room and put them behind a curtain with the toes sticking out. Then gaffer tape a pillow behind the curtain so it looks like someone's there. Have you ever seen someone run out of their room really fast. It's pretty entertaining.

4. Now the last joke kind of dates me. I basically take an album, fill it with talcum powder, slide it under the door and pound on the album cover. It makes a mess of the room, so prepare for a real pissed off victim. That should get you started.

OK, so I'm either running out of stories or my memory is failing me. And be sure to remind me if I start to repeat my stories. I often do that. But my friend here said, "Well, they keep getting better." They're all things that really happened to me. They are things I remembered when I was in hospital. Hell, I could do a whole separate blog on the hospital itself. It was like a scene from one flew over the cuckoo's nest. It was all brain injury people. Just use your imagination. Anyway, if I remember, I'm sure I will, but if remember, I'll include it next week. Here are some photos I did of my recent trip. HOpe you have a good one. Love, B. Nice

Oh yeah, here's a link to my blog from the present. Talk to you later. Love, B. Nice      LINK