Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Hi you guys. Welcome once again to the past. Remember, the other blog I do is about the present. This one is about the past. I think about the past a lot when I'm lying on my back. You know, sometimes I can't sleep at night so I think about things I've gone through. You know, well, some confessions. For example: One time, my friend was over my house. Mind you, I was a little kid. The guy cutting the lawn started sinking into the lawn. My friend and I ran out to help him pull the tractor out. We cleared away the sod and we noticed he was stuck in a door in the lawn. We cleared away more sod and noticed there was a big big door there. Remember, the house I'm in was built around 1800. So my friend and I were excited over the prospect of finding something from the Revolutionary War. Anyway, we opened the door and there was a pit of brick that went down about 14 feet. We lowered a ladder down, and my friend wanted to go down and be the first to check things out. He found another door and I lowered a crowbar to him. He forced the door open. I heard gas escaping and a large scream. The next thing I know is there's a geyser of shit and toilet paper coming up. My friend was racing up the ladder screaming. We had hit the main septic line. He was covered in shit. He dove onto the lawn. My father came running out. The whole pit started filling up with raw sewage. My father was not happy. We all stood around praying it wouldn't escape onto the whole yard. After staring at a bunch of turds for a while, my friend said, "Hey! what's that?" and he picked up a shovel and picked up a condom. My dad looked at me and just rolled his eyes and walked away. I think I told you that story before, but it sounds good again. You know, my life was full of little adventures like that.

When I was little, my parents rented a small shack in the south of France. This was before it became trendy. When I mean shack, I mean shack. This place had a hand pump for water in the kitchen, an outhouse for a bathroom. It was cool though. We had a big field. I would lie in the field and look at the clouds. There was a big cherry tree there. I would sit there and eat cherries. Sometimes the farmer down the street would come over and recruit us to do some work. It was a good life. Never a dull moment.

I have lots of stories to tell you, but I have to look back and make sure I don't repeat myself. I'm gonna leave it at that. I hope you guys have a good week. My friend here will include some photos I did on my journey. We went coast to coast. Not an easy thing to do when you're like this, you know, traumatic brain injury. See you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 124 - February 26, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to the past again. I'm coming over from the blog where I talk about the Present. I'll have my friend here leave you the link. Anyway, I'll tell you a couple confessions.

You know when you lie on your back for so long it's good to think about things from the past. One thing I'm not so proud of, I was, well, I was the worst photo assistant you could imagine. A photographer I worked for reminded me of this. He said I was the worst assistant, but I turned out to be a good photographer. You know, I guess I'm hard on my assistants now because I was a bad assistant. Some of the things I did I'll just tell you real quick. I'll throw a few words out there because all of the things I did could make a whole other chapter! Let's see. I almost backed a car into a harbor. I tried to… Oh! skip that, I can't tell you that story. I had another car crash. (It was a rental.) I left 2000 rolls of shot film in a bar. A whole job. I dropped a lens out of a helicopter. It was only a $3000 lens. What's the big deal? We had insurance. Another story I can't tell you. Let's see… There's another helicoptor ride where we landed the helicopter on the front lawn of the hotel in the morning. Totally illegal. 

One time, a photographer threw a camera at my head. Almost took my head off. His wife had to separate us because we were involved in a fist fight. Another car crash. When you take a meter reading, when you're shooting film, you have to be very very particular. One time I was chatting up the model and not paying attention to what I was doing. I basically took a meter reading of the sky. The film was so dense the photographer had to make a 4 stop adjustment. In other words, it wasn't good. Anyway, I could go on and on and tell you stories, but I guess I learned at other people's expense. Sorry you guys. There's probably a wanted poster for me up in some lab somewhere.

I keep thinking about the time I lived in Australia. It was great. What a great place to live. One of my favorite places was Western Australia. Just below Perth there is an area called Margaret River. It's a great wave for surfing. Great wine. The area had great white wine. It was beautiful down there. No one there too. If you ever get a chance to go to Australia, go to that area. Mind you, from here it's the furthest place on Earth you can get to. But it's worth it.

I'm feeling kind of melancholy right now, so I'm gonna leave it at that. I hope you guys have a good one. Oh, I just found out, it's gonna snow again! How unusual. Oh my god. It snowed here like 3 days out of the week for months. It's crazy. At least my daughter likes the snow. It'll make her happy to see it. She's gonna be here in a week. How cool is that. Anyway, talk to you guys later. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 123 - February 11, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. You know, thinking about the past has got me through the present. At the present I'm messed up.

An old friend emailed me the other day. An art director. I used to do great shoots with her. I was lucky. I had a lot of great friends I used to work with. I'm going to go off on a tangent here. One time I was shooting and I saw the one and only art director I didn't get along with. I was on another job and this art director I didn't like was on another job. So what did I do? I went in my mobile home and dressed as best I could. I dressed up as a homeless man. I saw the art director I didn't like getting some coffee so I went outside, I rolled around in the dirt and went over to the coffee shop she went into. I reached into my pocket, put some change in my hand and when she came out, I pulled my hood over my head and hunched over, growled at her. I held out my hand of change and leaned in on her. She screamed, "Get away from me!" and I chased her all the way back to her location van. She kept screaming something about a freak. I thought it was pretty funny. She never knew it was me. I went back to my van laughing.

Anyway, I didn't like her and she didn't like me, but other than that one person, I liked everyone I worked with.

I'll get back on the subject of my friend that emailed me the other day. People often ask me what was my favorite location. One of the best spots that I ever went to was in Cabo San Lucas. It was great. Basically it was a hotel the brat pack went to all the time. It hadn't been renovated since then. It was like going back in time. I had my own house with it's own swimming pool and steps that went down to a private beach. The house was amazing. It had a wooden bar and it was made of wood and stone. We all had villas like this. What a great spot. The main hotel had very tall ceilings. It was also make of exotic woods and stone. It was on the peninsula that overlooked the ocean. The main restaurant was like a giant lanai, open to the ocean. The bar was beautiful exotic woods. The whole place was amazing and like going back in time to the 50's. You expected James Dean to walk in at any moment. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention the gift shop. It was surreal. All the items there were from the 50's, including the woman at the register. My friend here asked me how long I stayed there, and I usually stayed there for 10 days to 2 weeks and if the timing was right, we got to see the big whales that came right in front of the hotel. But I heard they tore the whole thing down. There is a new hotel there now. Too bad. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention, there was an airstrip right by the hotel, so members of the brat pack would fly in from LA or Vegas and then cross the street, check in at the hotel. What a great life.

Where was I, oh yeah, anyway, that was one of my favorite spots. It was also right near one of my favorite surfing spots so overall, it was a great place to shoot.

One other thing I want to mention, my friend asked me to set her daughter up in modeling. The girl's pretty, but I strongly discouraged it. You see, it's a tough business. Often the girls end up uneducated and getting little work. You see, the models start when they are like 15. You know, the time when you really need to be educated. And it's very competitive. There's a lot of people trying to do the one thing. If you do make it, you're career span is very short. So, overall, it's not worth it. Here I am saying that after saying chase your dreams. But it's just my observation. You know, I've been in this business since 1984. And it's rare that you become very successful. You're better off with a good education and being just a pretty woman. That's my opinion anyway. I don't know what the solution would be if you wanted to try. I just hate to see uneducated people. It's a dead end street in this business.

Well, it's Valentine's Day coming up. Have a good one you guys. I'll talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 122 - January 28, 2014

Hi you guys. Welcome once again to the past. I'm gonna tell you a couple of fashion confessions.

One time I was going out with this girl. I'll tell you, never a dull moment with this girl. Anyway, she decided she didn't like her chest. She wanted to change her implants. So, she went to a plastic surgeon who specialized in breast augmentations. I went in with the woman I was going out with. The woman I was going out with started talking to the nurses. Mind, all the nurses looked like Barbie dolls. My friend who I was going out with couldn't decide what size augmentation to get so one of the nurses said, "How about mine? Do you like this size?" She stuck her chest in my face. It all got kind of freaky so I waited in the car. Anyway, I was told to come back at the end of the day and pick up my friend. Well, I picked up my friend at the end of the day and she said, "I don't know, I think they are too big." It's like we're talking about windshield wipers. She said, "I'll wait til the swelling goes down." So all week long she kept checking things out. Well, she decided they were too big. So what did she do five days later? She goes back to get smaller ones. I was like, "You gotta be kidding me!" So she goes back and she gets a few sizes smaller and she was happy. I mean, knowing now what I know about infections, the whole thing freaks me out. Anyway, I thought I'd share that with you.

Another time, I was shooting on the west coast and it was the last day of shooting. We got done with the last shot and went out to celebrate the end of the shoot. Well, we all got back to the hotel at about 4 am, and what do I find in my mailbox? A package with 2 swimsuits and a note. It said, "Please shoot these 2 suits before you get on the plane." Well, (a) I was extremely drunk and (b) I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I told my crew and there was a brief moment of silence and denial. So I rallied everyone. I think I got about an hour's sleep. I got everyone together. We went outside to tape the ground where the model should stand. I shot on a tripod and taped my focus. I stood with the sun at my back, and shot the 2 shots with a cable release because I was shaking so hard I could have made a hell of a martini. My assistant who didn't go out, thought it was all rather amusing.

The next story takes place in Portland. Yeah, I got on the plane. I thought it was going to Portland Oregon. I ended up in Portland Maine. I knew it was a bad start for a photoshoot. I really thought I was going to Oregon. Anyway, we finished the shoot and it all went well, but we went out to celebrate the end of the shoot. I was so hungover the next day, oh, yeah, this is why I don't drink anymore. I was so hungover, I couldn't get on the plane. I went outside to get some fresh air. I was holding the boarding pass. There was a Holiday Inn Express across from the airport. I dropped my boarding pass and started walking to the hotel. Well, my assistants heard the boarding call and grabbed my boarding pass and me and ushered me to the plane.

I have many stories like this and it's why I don't drink anymore. Anyway, I'll share a few photos with you. I hope you have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 121 - January 15, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to the past. If you're coming from the other blog, or if you just happened upon this blog, welcome. You know, I do this blog about the past because I love telling stories about all the things that happened to me. I've been lying on my back pretty much for four years. You have time to remember stuff when you lie on your back for four years. Anyway, here are a few fashion confessions.

I remember, I was shooting in Paris when I lived there. I was shooting on the coastline of Brittany. The model came out in a beautiful Chanel coat. I wanted to do a double page spread, so I told the girl to lie down on the ground. Well you'd think I cut someone's head off because the editor went crazy. She made phone call after phone call. I thought someone died. My French isn't so good. I didn't understand what was going on. Well, apparently, you don't lie a model down on the ground while she's wearing a Chanel jacket. Welcome to Paris.

You know, I used to shoot on the street a lot. One of my favorite tricks was to find a good cafe, I mean a really good place with really good food. I would say to the owner, "Hey, look, I have to do a photo of a girl sitting at a cafe table, and if I do the shot here, we'll have lunch here. Can I do the shot here? Is it cool?" The guy would say, "How many are you?" I said, "Oh, about ten." He said, "Yeah, for sure." Then I'd go to the fashion editor and I said, "I really want to do a shot in that cafe, but they'll only do it if we have lunch there." She said, "Oh, but we have lunch coming. It's catered." I said, "Oh, we'll have it as an afternoon snack. Let's just have lunch there and shoot." She ultimately would say, "OK." So I had a great lunch. I got a shot off. I love being a diplomat in Europe sometimes.

Oh yeah, one time we were shooting in Napa Valley at a vineyard. There was another vineyard I wanted to go to and do an afternoon shoot. Well the owner said, "Look, it's $2000 to shoot here." I said, "Let me think. How about if we buy $2000 worth of wine? Is that cool?" He thought about it and said, "Yeah, why don't we do that." So I got $2000 worth of wine and we got to shoot there. The art director thought it was the best thing in the world. She sent all the wine to the office. I was bummed out to say the least. I didn't see a single bottle. Remind me to tell you the story of when I acted like an alcoholic in Napa Valley. It was priceless. I did stuff like asking people next to me if they were going to finish their taste-testing, could I have it? I did stuff like say, "I'll have that bottle way up there please." It was all very entertaining. Never a dull moment. Heh heh.

I'm sitting here with my friend. Her son is about 14. Then all of a sudden I started getting flashbacks to what I did when I was 14. My poor friend. She has no idea what she's in for. That was just a thought.

So I was talking to my old friend who is an art director. We were talking about the good old days. Listen to me, I sound like an old fart. Anyway, we were talking about how good it was and I have to say it, it WAS great. I recommended a restaurant she should go to. She was in South Beach, Miami. Oh, that reminds me. I just had a flashback. One time I was shooting on the beach in Miami and I heard this Italian photographer growling, "Grrrr Woman! Grrr Woman!" I almost tripped over the guy. I looked over at him and he had a girl in a leopard print bikini growling at him, showing her nails like talons. Very dramatic and kinky. Anyway, back to my story, where was I? Oh yes, my friend the art director was in South Beach, Florida. I recommended a restaurant she should go to. She laughed. She said, "Honey, things are different now. I'm lucky to have a yogurt in my room." So you see, maybe it's not so bad having brain surgery and staying home.

My friend here was reading everything back to me. I was all over the place. Sorry you guys. Like my friend said, I gotta focus sometimes. Anyway, I was just excited to share a few stories with you. Chalk it up to Cabin Fever. I just want to say one more thing. I just wanted to say "Hi" to all my friends  in Australia. I wish I could hop on a plane and come down there and see you guys. Have a coffee for me. Anyway, this is B. Nice signing off. Love, B. Nice