Chapter 109 - July 2, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to Chapter 109. I'm going to call this chapter "Bugs," and I'm going to dedicate it to my friend, Bugs.

Let's start with my friend, Bugs. I've no idea how he got his name Bugs, but I think it's slang for "crazy." I think it's French for crazy. Anyway, it fits. One of my fondest memories of him is at a ski resort in France. We were in vacation. We were skiing. He stopped at a fence called "Avalanche Area." We stopped, looked at the fence. He lifted the fence, went under it and said, "Come on let's go." So like a young idiot, I followed him. Good skiing. I would follow this guy everywhere. One time we were windsurfing in Hawaii. He just took off towards the horizon. He said, "Come on let's go." We went out to open ocean. It's kind of scary out there. Imagine a wave the size of a house rolling towards you. That's what it's like out there in the open ocean. Anyway, we went back to shore. So, you see what I'm getting at. Yeah, his name is Bugs.

I'll tell you about the other thing I was saying was "Bugs" and that's the insect Bugs. Man, there were a lot of those in Australia. That reminds me. I have to tell you guys one more story about my crazy friend. I was staying at his house and he asked me to help him plant a tree for his wife's birthday. It was going to be a surprise. I said, "Yeah sure, no problem. Just wake me up when you want to get the tree." Well, the tree was being delivered. I heard the sound of an 18 wheeler truck outside my window. I looked out and there was a gigantic tree on a flatbed. I looked at the plates. The guy was from Queensland, and it looked like the truck had been on the road 48 hours. I said to myself, "Man that tree is huge." He came to my door and sheepishly he said, "The tree's here." We went out back and, oh this is the best part of the story. We went out back and the driver said to us, "Well, mate, your tree's here. Where's the crane to plant it." My friend said, "Oy mate, that's not the tree I ordered," and he pulled out a photo to show the driver. I said, "Let me see the photo." I said, "You ordered a tree from a photo? Did you have any indication how old the tree was? Look at what they're wearing." The farmer who had the tree was wearing clothes from the 1970's. Anyway, my friend Bugs had to go up the street to a construction site and borrow a crane to plant the tree. The driver of the truck said, "I'm gonna turn the rig around. YOU AND YOUR SON (ha ha ha) can start digging a hole for it." Anyway, we dug all day. We called all the people we knew to help dig a hole. We just missed a power line. We spent the whole day digging. They lifted the tree over some power lines and into the whole. We filled the whole up just in time for his wife to come home. My friend Bugs said, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" Her reaction was, well, "Oh I love it Bugs, but isn't it too big." I exited stage left to the local pub.

Back to the creepy crawly bugs. I forgot to tell you, after we planted the tree, these huge spiders came out of the tree. I guess they wanted to check things out, but they were huge. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.

Another time that freaked me out was in Manly, Australia. It was a suburb of Sydney. Anyway, one of my friends took out a lease on a storefront property. The store used to be a butcher shop so it had some things in it that had to be sold off. One of these things was 4 foot by 8 foot mirrors. they were all along the wall and very valuable. Anyway, we had the construction workers slowly pry the mirrors from the wall. They slowly would lean them down to the ground. On the first mirror, they lowered the mirror down and it hit the light on the ceiling, the light was swinging back and forth. All of the shadows around us were moving. One of the construction workers stopped the light from swinging, but the shadows on the wall kept moving. One of the workers said, "What's that all about mate? And he had a flashlight and he pointed it at the wall. The wall was filled with cockroaches and palmetto bugs. 4 feet by 8 feet and 2 inches thick. All the bugs freaked out and scattered. Now imagine this - Imagine, 4 big construction workers in shorts and high top boots wearing tank tops looking very macho, but screaming like old ladies and running off into the dark covered in bugs. I went to the pub.

My friend here who's writing this for me said, "Oh at least it wasn't spiders." Then I thought, "Oh, I have a story about spiders." I was on Heron Island with my first wife. We were ready to go to bed when I noticed a huge mulch huntsman spider on the wall.

Well, I threw my shoe at it. It looked at me and ran into the air conditioner. I said, "Well, I'm gonna take care of this guy." I called the front desk. They gave me a can of insect killer which I promptly sprayed into the air conditioner. Well, the spider came out and looked at me like "You bastard, you just sprayed me." I sprayed him again. He looked at me and just ran back into the air conditioner. I thought, "You little shit, I'm gonna get you now." So I sprayed the whole can into the air conditioner. Well, he came out, his friend came out , his other friend came out. The whole family came out. The whole room was filled with hunstman spiders. I ran out of shoes. I changed rooms, needless to say.

Oh man, I could go on and on about stories of insects. I was a little scared of them. You know, things would happen like, you would put on your wet suit to go windsurf and after you put the wet suit on you'd feel some bugs crawling between your skin and the suit. Or you would go to sleep and just as you're drifting off to sleep you'd hear a big cockroach walk across the floor. One time I opened my cupboard door in the kitchen and it looked like I brokeup a party or something. All these palmetto bugs just looked at me. Like I said, I could go on and on, but I promised you, in the teaser, I'd talk about a topless girl.

Well, I was on an editorial job in Martha's Vineyard. The fog rolled in for like a week so the editor decided to relocate to New Mexico. Anyway, we used up all our money on tickets. We had no money left for locations so we did all our photos in places like the hotel parking lot, your local truck stop. That would have been fun except all of our photos were about skin, naked skin. Yup, the girl had to be topless in all the photos, so imagine this - Imagine a family rolling into a hotel parking lot and there's a naked girl standing there. I can hear now, the son going, "Look dad, what's with the naked girl?" And the mom saying, "Don't look at that." Or we were at a truck stop once and there was an old picnic table covered in really cool weathered wood. I told the girl to lie there. so all the truckers saw a naked girl lying on the table. Just another day. The best part of the trip, I think I mentioned before was the editor trying to tell a priest it's OK if a naked girl leans against the church. I could hear her say, "But she's god's creation." Never a dull moment.

Enough of the stories. This week has been tough for me because it's so humid and hot. When you have a traumatic brain injury, some things will really affect you. For example, humidity really affects me. It's hard to describe, but you know how you feel when it's humid. Well, increase that times 100. It's not fun. I did wake up this morning and had a moment of absolute clarity. It was weird. I was looking at my pool table and I thought, well, I'm just gonna stand up, walk over there and play a game. It was a good feeling, but it only lasted a second. Maybe it's a beginning of a pattern. Who knows. The other cool thing was I walk even more fluidly with my Up & Go walker. I was really tired, but the motion of my movements was more fluid. I guess over all, things are getting better. I had a friend over the other day. She was an art director I used to work for. I haven't seen her for about a year now. She noticed a big difference between now and last year. Pretty cool. It's good to get feedback from friends. Kind of like a pat on the back. She's helping me with the launch of my big trip. Here's the link. And keep checking back for updates.

http://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com

Anyway, that's about it for this week. I hope you guys have a good week. You know, I think there's some more info at www.helpbriannice.com - like my surgeon and the good hospital I went to. Someone emailed me and asked for some more info. Anyway, I hope it helps. I'll talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 108 - June 25, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to Chapter 108. I'm gonna label this chapter "Man, I've got to get in shape!" and I'm going to dedicate it to my family.

Hi everyone. I hope you had a good week. My friend was reading me a few chapters and I remember Chapter 105. We were talking about my teacher, the one who taught me tae kwon do. I remember I was in amazing shape, probably the best shape of my life. The guy brought me to brown belt level. That's one step below a black belt. I'm gonna go off on a tangent here, a little lesson about tae kwon do. The white belt is the beginner and as time goes by, the belt gets dirtier and dirtier. In other words, you start out with white, and then it goes to yellow, and then green, and then brown, and then black. Hey, I was a brown and in good shape. Now my daughter comes up to me, grabs my belly and says, "Daddy, you're gonna have a baby." You see what I'm getting at? Man, I've got to get in shape! When you have a traumatic brain injury it's hard to do anything but sit in a wheel chair. I found a device called a "New Step." I talked about it before. I was in it for about an hour every day. It gives you an aerobic work out, without killing you. Anyway, the point is, you've got to keep working out. Don't use traumatic brain injury as an excuse to just sit around. You've got to keep working out. I may be over doing it. I work from 9 to 12, have lunch, take a nap until 2, and I work on my hands and balance until dinner. Remember, it's our job to get better. I keep repeating these things, but it's really important.

Boy, I'm really stuck for stories. I don't know what to tell you guys. One thing I really want to enforce, OK I'm gonna get my soap box out and make an announcement. You guys listen: You guys cannot use a cell phone and drive at the same time. I know you think, "Oh, I'll just make a quick call." Well, a quick call might land you in the hospital. Man if you could see what I saw, you wouldn't even bring the phone with you when you went on a drive. I saw some pretty horrible stuff. You can use your imagination, but I guarantee a lot of people I saw will never be the same. My friend here said, "It's easy to think, oh that won't happen to me." But like for example, I met an executive banker. She was on a conference call. She went from one party to the other. All she did was look down to change the call and next thing she new, she was in the hospital. So think about me. Don't pick up the phone while you're driving. That's my public service announcement for the day. It's a repeat from a few blogs back, but it's important.

OK, what's with all the dogs. I mean, the word must be out that I shake a lot. I guess the more I shake, the more I drop food. I've got every dog in the neighborhood hanging out with me on the porch. The next door neighbor's dog was over here the other day. And my sister's dogs came over here to hang out. It's like I'm Dr. Doolittle or something. I've got to get better, at least to get rid of the dogs. But you know, dogs played a real big part in me getting better. I remember, in the hospital, that would bring therapy dogs around all the time. I could have a hard time breathing., They would bring a dog over and I would immediately relax. They really work. I don't remember any of that, but my friends who where there said it worked.

OK, enough of the Traumatic Brain Injury stuff. Let's tell a couple of stories. I'll make it quick because my friend here has to go. You know what, I'm going to save my fashion confessions for next time. A bit of a teaser to keep the blog going. The teasers involve a topless girl, a church, some more sharks, an underwater eel, and an assistant using me as a shield. I hope you have a good week. Love you guys. Talk to you soon, B. Nice

Chapter 107 - June 18, 2013

I'm gonna call this blog "Good Food, Good Friends." Man, I have some good friends. I'm putting a party together and my good friends are helping me. It's gonna be a good party.

Hi everybody. Welcome to day 829. I miscalculated. I added a year before. I guess time goes by when you're having so much fun. (I said this sarcastically.) Anyway, welcome to another day.

It's actually been a tough week. I've been aspirating a lot. It's when liquid goes into your lungs. It's not fun. Who knows why this happens. But it makes things more difficult. You know, like talking, eating. Just another Traumatic Brain Injury moment. The good thing is, my walking is getting more fluid. I've been using my Up & Go device to walk. It's working out really well. Sleeping has been great. I sleep like 9 hours a night. I no longer have to sleep with a light on. What a big boy I am. Maybe the light was keeping me awake, and I finally turned the light off. All in all, things are moving along. When a doctor told me to be patient, I had no idea he meant this. It's been about 4 years now, but who's counting. You know, when I was in the hospital, the food was such a drag. I remember one day a friend showed up with a bunch of food. Her husband had a couple of restaurants in New York City, and a restaurant in St. Bart's The food was Italian. Anyway, I had a great feast. It really makes a difference. All this TBI stuff is getting monotonous. I'll tell you a few stories.

I could write a whole book on the assistants I had. Oh my God! It was unreal. This one guy I worked with, he was something else. Actually, I could write a whole book on him. When I got divorced the first time, I moved in with him. He graciously gave me a room. I mean closet. I mean room. I'm pretty sure it was a closet. Anyway, I was just grateful to have anywhere to stay. But living with him ranged from getting in fights with small people on stilts, to cats and dental floss. I'll let you use your imagination, but I can guarantee you I didn't get much sleep.

My friend here reminded me of a cartoon I did from Djurba. Djurba was in Tunisia, and it was an island where they stuck all the tourists. Anyway, this assistant and I used to always play tennis. He was French/Vietnamese and we would always kid around. I mention that he was French/Vietnamese because we used to sneak up on each other and scream "Whataaaa" like in Inspector Clouseau and the Green Hornet. Never a dull moment. Actually, I worked with that assistant for a long time, so I could do a whole book on him as well. Never a dull moment.

Sorry, I'm getting distracted because we're having a big lightening storm right now. If you haven't noticed, I get distracted easily. I could be shooting and someone might yell "Brian, watch out! There's a big truck about to hit you!" And I'd say, "What a pretty butterfly." Some people call that distractedness. I call it creativeness. Anyway, back to the assistants. Man, I could go on and on. It's bringing back bad memories, I mean good memories, I mean bad memories. Yeah, I could do a whole book on assistants.

I mentioned good food before. You know, in my line of work, I vowed as long as you fed everyone really well, they would be generally happy. I tried to do this as often as I could. Man, we had some great meals, at some great restaurants. One time, we were in New Guinea. The locals invited us over for dinner. This consisted of them digging a hole into the ground. Heating some rocks, throwing them in the hole, throw some ferns in, throw a dead pig in, throw some more ferns in and some yams, some more ferns and some more heated rocks. They would cover the pit and let it sit all day. At the end of the day, the locals would dig everything up, put it on the table and have a meal. It was, well, disgusting, but you know, I was polite. I finished what I could and one of the locals came over to me with a bowl. I said, "Oh, dessert?" She said, "No, it's dope." I said, "What?" She said, "Dope." And I said, "Dope?" She said, "Yes, dope." I said, "Dope?" with a question mark. "Yes, you've had a hard day. It's time for you to relax." And she rolled me up a giant joint. Well, I didn't want to be rude, so I smoked some. It was very strong. I passed it to the driver. He said, "No thanks mate. We've got to make it home alive tonight." Well, I started getting really paranoid, and then the same woman who gave me the dope, wheeled out a video player and a TV. She went to the back and started up a generator. She played a film of the first time the white man came to visit. It showed an old DC-3 landing. It showed the locals in amazement and shock. It then showed some people, white people getting out of the plane. The locals went crazy. Then one of the white people came over to the locals, grabbed a pig that was on a leash, took out a revolver and shot the pig in the head. What a lovely introduction. Anyway, that was the start of that relationship. It's been like that ever since. Where was I? Oh yeah, after she showed us that film I got really paranoid and started freaking out. I couldn't find the door to go outside so what did I do? I went through the wall. The house was made of grass. I immediately saw a campfire and went over there to sit down. I sat down to get some air. After a while, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and then I noticed the whole village was there staring at me. Just another day. It was a beautiful place. It was the first time I saw rain forest come down to the water, and then coral reef go down into the water about 100 feet. The water was so clear. It was an amazing place. I'll never forget it. 

Anyway, that's about it for this week. My friend here will include some more cartoons and the link to my next project. Remember, if you're going through a TBI, stay positive, and don't set any time limits. Talk to you next week. love, B. Nice

http://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com

Chapter 106 - June 11, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to day 1201, four hours, six seconds, but who's really counting. Anyway, my friend here was reading my last blog. I mentioned the word "tired." Man, at the end of the day, I get so tired. You know, the thing that makes you the most tired is just talking to people. When you're like this, you'll find it affects people differently. So just talking makes me real tired.

I guess I'll benchmark where I am at the moment. It really helps to look back and, who knows, it might help someone who's going through something similar. You know, that's why I do this blog. It's to help anyone that might be like me. Right now, I'm starting to walk with a bracing and the Up & Go. I still need assistance, but I'm getting better at walking. I think I mentioned this before. I'm feeding myself with 2 hands. My eyesight is still double, but it's getting better. I mentioned all this before, but it's good to benchmark where I'm at. At the end of the day, I still get little, I call them "mini moments." I get real tired, but as time goes on, this gets better. I'm gonna tell a few stories because it really helps me remember things. You know, I've been on my back so long, it's good to think about what I've gone through in the past. Some things I can't tell, because I don't want to freak my friend out right here. She has 2 boys. I did some pretty crazy stuff when I was young.

When I was living in Australia I felt compelled to, well, let's say, have a laugh. for example, when my friend was shooting on the beach in front of me, I'd break out my 6 foot long mirror and just as he was about to take a light meter reading, I would reflect it with sunlight. It drove him crazy, but I did have a good laugh. Another time, I took the skin of mulch huntsman spider. It's about the size of my hand, and I put it in the film case. I told my assistant to get some more film. He screamed like an old lady. I got him pretty good. I would do stuff like this to pass the time. One of my favorite things to do was to make my assistant wear a fart machine. When he'd lean over to get some film, I'd activate it. It was very amusing. I could go on and on, but I'll talk about some other things. Mom, if you're reading this blog, you might want to stop here. I'm gonna talk about some really gross things.

One time I had a rabbit named Andrew. I think I talked about Andrew before. It's a few blogs back. Andrew was a great pet, but a little wild. One day I called him and he didn't answer. he didn't come to me. I started looking for him, calling out, "Andrew, Andrew where are you?" I walked into my roommates room and I saw Andrew's legs sticking out from beneath the bed. He was convulsing. I grabbed him by the legs and pulled him out. A red satin rabbit is big. Anyway, I cradled him in my arms. He was continuing to convulse. I was saying "Andrew, Andrew, what's wrong?" and I noticed he had a little string coming out of his mouth. He couldn't breath, so I pulled the string. What was on the end of the string? A used tampon. He started breathing, shook his head and ran away leaving me standing there holding a used tampon. I guess my roommate brought some girl home and she just chucked it under the bed. How charming. Anyway, I nailed it to the door by the string with a note saying, "you hang out with some really classy girls. You almost killed Andrew." Well I guess I started a bit of an argument because the girl was my other roommate's sister.

Another gross story took place when I was in college. I was dating this girl. I really liked her. She was cool. We were sitting on the bed. We had just met and we were talking and then I went in for the kiss. She closed her eyes and got closer and then she vomited all over my face. All down my shirt. It was a mess. Then she went for round two. Picked up one of my boots and threw  up in the boot. How lovely. She was actually a nice girl. Maybe too many shots.

Another gross story was when I was a kid. My friend had a pet monkey named George. Anyway, one time George sat on my head. I thought, how cool, George is sitting on my head. Well, George peed all over my head. I said, George, get off me that's gross. I threw him into the curtains. Well, George didn't like that so George shit in his hand and threw it at me. I dove for the floor. I yelled at him "bad monkey" so what did George do? He started beating off. What a lovely creature. Anyway, my friend's father left the window open by "mistake" and George got out to explore the great outdoors. Never mind that it was February in upstate NY. We never did see George again.

I'll go back to Australia. I just remembered a story I forgot to tell you. One day I was driving home, I guess I pissed someone off. I must have cut someone off or something because in the morning I went to get my car and on the hood, someone used a screw driver to carve in the letters CUNT. I thought, oh man, this is really not good because I had to go pick up my client at the airport. Well, I went to go pick up my client. She was there. She got in the car, I drove off, we didn't say a word to each other. She looked at the hood, she saw the letters. She said, "Brian, is that for me?" I said, "I didn't even see that!" Actually, Australia was really cool. I've got countless great stories. I wish I could go back there. It's a great place. If you guys ever get a chance to go there, don't pass it up.

I'd like to say Hi to all my old friends there. I miss them as well. That's about it for this week. My friend here will include some more drawings I did. You know, I used to keep journals in cartoon form. I'll talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 105 - June 3, 2013

Hey everybody. I'm gonna call this blog "A Little Motivation" and I'm gonna dedicate it to Dr. Death. Dr. Death was my tae kwon do instructor. The guy was quite the character. He drove a vintage red Ferrari. He was a hand to hand combat instructor at West Point. He was at one time the tae kwon do champion of the world and he was 80 years old. At one point he came over to me, and this was in the beginning mind you, he came over to me and he said, "Punch me in the stomach as hard as you can." I said, "No way, I'm not going to punch you in the stomach. You're 80 years old." He said, "Try to punch me right there," and he showed me where to punch him. I punched him a little bit in the stomach. He said to me, "You punch like a little girl. Punch me harder." So I punched him with all my force. It was like hitting a sandbag. He said, "You still punch like a little girl, now get to the back of the line. We'll have to work on that." I was in the best shape of my life during that class. I never did get in a fight.

The only time I felt compelled to use my talent was at a party. You see, I went to a party with my girlfriend. We kind of split up and worked the room, you know, talking to people. This guy started talking to my girlfriend and a few minutes later the same guy started talking to me. He was in the same business that I'm in so we talked for a while. After a few minutes he said, "Come on man, let's take some girls home. See that girl over there. We're going to have fun with her." And he pulled out a bottle of pills and showed me the pills. I said, "What the hell are you talking about? That's my girlfriend." The guy looked like a deer in the headlights, a deer that just got busted. The guy disappeared. He quickly left the party before I could express how I really felt. I should have taken the pills and made him eat them and dropped him naked on the West Side Highway.

Did you guys ever see that movie, "The Royal Tannenbaums"? You gotta check it out. It's an older movie, but it's exactly like the family I lived with in the early 80's. You see, the people that lived in the city came to one of my parent's parties and we started talking. They're real patrons of the arts. They found out I had no place to live in the city so they gladly opened their house up to me. They gave me an address where to go. I got to the address when I realized they forgot to put the apartment number down, then I realized they owned the whole freaking building. I rang the doorbell, went inside and all around the place there were french impressionism paintings and musical instruments. I was a side door room that had, you know, your average decorations like Goya paintings.

One night, I came home, I was the only one in the house. I went to bed, Oh, yeah, I'd been drinking, imagine that. I went to bed and all of a sudden I heard a noise. I got up, I looked down the stairs and I saw a flash light and heard some noises. I thought, "Oh my god! They're being burglarized!" So what did I do? I went and hid in the closet. I sat under some laundry and I thought, this is ridiculous. so I got up and went to the top of the stairs with a baseball bat and I waited. All of a sudden some guy came around the corner with a flashlight and a revolver. He pointed at me and he said, "Freeze. Drop the bat." And I dropped the bat. He started laughing. The guy was from the security company. I guess I tripped the alarm when I went to my bedroom. The house was heavily alarmed. Anyway, all the security guards started laughing at me because there I was in my underwear, wet, and the underwear wasn't wet from the shower. They all had a laugh. I told them I must have tripped the alarm. We started chatting. The head security guy said, "Man, I almost shot your cat." And I said, "What are you talking about." He said, "Yeah, I almost shot the cat and then I almost shot you." The cat was quiet and it would just come over to you and tap you on the ankle. Strange cat. Strange tenant. That's me.

You know, every time my friend comes over I forget what to talk about. It's kind of like getting a stage fright, so I'll just tell you what happened this week. And remember at the beginning of the blog I called the blog "A Little Motivation." Well, I called it that because the "Little" is my little one. You see, she came to visit me this weekend. She is my motivation. Probably why I stick around. Anyway, it's been 4 or 5 months since I've seen her, but she's so grown up, it's amazing. Kids grow up so quick. Either that or I'm getting old. Anyway, it was great to see her. It's almost like therapy. I was pretty exhausted by the time she left, but it was good to see her. Now it's back to work. I've been walking and each time it gets more fluid and easier. I've also been standing on the hour. It's good to get vertical whenever you can. My eyesight is also improving. My speech is getting better. I know this because my friend here has a hard time keeping up with me when I dictate and she types.

I've adjusted to the increase in medication. I'm not as tired as I was before. Overall, things are good. I've been getting ready for my trip across America. It sounds simple, you know, driving across America, but believe me, when you're like this, it's going to be tough. I mean, just trying to lay in bed is difficult. Taking pictures and going across America is going to be like an Olympic event. A month long Olympic event. I'm calling the trip, "My Point of View." Many of my friends are helping out. My friend here will include the link. (http://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com). I hope you can check it out. Oh yeah, some other people were saying they can't get to the main page of my website. So I'll give it to you. It's www.helpbriannice.com. Make sure you do just that. If you don't do the "www" it won't work. You could always google Brian Nice and go to the blog. Anyway, that's it for this week. Love you guys. Oh yeah, Hi Lisa!~ Talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice