Chapter 101 - May 7, 2013

Hi everybody. I'm baaack. I missed you all so much I had to come back. I'm gonna name this blog "Dreams" and I'm gonna dedicate it to my little one. I'm gonna call this blog "Dreams" because I've been having strange dreams. Just the other night I dreamt about a quote. The quote says, "In the kingdom of Blindness, the one eyed man is King" I have no idea what the hell that means. And then the other dream I had, Van Gogh showed up and said, "Where's my fucking ear?!" All strange stuff, but you know, whenever I have dreams, I'm up and about walking. You know, I'm normal. So that's a good sign.

I've been taking pictures as much as I can. That's really nice for me. I've been photographing off my parent's porch and from the car. The results are good. Let's see, the other thing that happened was, I went to go see my eye doctor. You know for a yearly check up. It was a weird check up. Apparently my file was red flagged. It was red flagged because I'm so special. Anyway, all the resident doctors came to see me. They all wanted to have a look at me. I felt like a lab rat. They all left except 2 doctors. I don't think they knew what to say. They just said, "Continue on doing what you're doing. We're glad you're improving. We don't know why you're improving, but we're happy you are. Oh, and by the way, give this literature to your mother." It was from the Lighthouse. It was a brochure for blind people. First of all, that seemed weird to me that you would give a blind person a brochure. The other thing was, I felt like I'd been dumped.

The other thing that happened to me was I went to go see my seizure doctor. Remember, she requested I get an MRI done. Well, the results are in. I do have a brain. It's not Sponge Bob but a real full on brain. She could clearly see why I was having seizures. She upped my vimpad. That's anti seizure medicine. She looked at the rest of my MRI and she could see why I am the way I am. She just said, "Keep working hard." The overall feeling I get is that I've plateaued but deep down inside I feel like I've not plateaued. I feel like I can get much better, but it will just be a long process.

All this stuff is redundant. I feel like I've said it before. Let's tell a few stories to lighten it up. They're stories from the past. Stuff I went through and stuff I think about now when I'm lying on my back in bed.

I'm gonna tell you guys some random stories. The first story takes place in Greenland. I was there about 20 years ago as an assistant photographer. anyway, I was lying on a boat in the sun. It was low tide, the boat was low, next to the town dock. I was with a crew drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden I heard a scream. I looked up and all around the boat were guys in white aprons, white boots and long knives. They were covered in blood. They were the guys that worked in the local fish factory. I looked over at who was screaming. It was the model and she was wearing, well, practically nothing. She just had on her bikini taking in the sun. We pushed off from the dock as quick as we could. The locals started screaming at us. I'm not up on my local Inuit language, but I'm sure it wasn't like, "Have a nice day." The model said "God, you'd think they never saw a girl before." And I said, "I'm sure they haven't seen a girl like you, lying naked. You gotta think about things before you act."

Another story takes place at the same place. Same time. We were all sitting in a restaurant that overlooks the harbor. Mind you, it's mostly a female crew. anyway, we're looking out at the harbor and what do I see? A Destroyer pulling into port. The owner of the restaurant said "Oh shit." I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "See that boat? They've been out at sea for about 5 months. When they see your girls they're going to go nuts. You better get out of here." Well, it was too late. They came straight up to the restaurant out of the boat. They had been singing on the way up to the restaurant. Well, as soon as they came through the door and saw the girls, they stopped singing. They all sat down. Didn't take their eyes off our table. Eventually, they sent over a bunch of beer. I said, "No thank you." The owner of the restaurant said, "Please, please take the beer. Have one drink and get out of here." Well, as soon as we took the beer, they all came over. We said thank you and left. They also left and kept calling us over to talk to them. Well, we all jumped on our little motor scooters and took off back to the hotel. One of the models was on my bike. She turned around and she said, "Oh shit!" They all started running after us. So what did she do in her infinite wisdom? She flipped them off. Talk about pouring fuel on the fire! They all went crazy. They started sprinting after us. I opened up on the throttle thanking god we were going down hill. I took off and we soon escaped their anger, but then we had to go uphill to get to the hotel. I had the throttle opened up, but they got closer and closer and closer. We finally made it to the hotel. We threw down our mopeds and ran towards the hotel. They were still sprinting after us. Well, I ran into the hotel. The owner of the hotel said to me, "No running." I sprinted past him. The model sprinted past him. The rest of my crew ran past him, and the entire destroyer of sailors sprinted past him. He screamed and got under the desk. We all went back to my room, shut the door and locked it. We could hear the sailors opening doors. Well, everything went quiet and all of a sudden we heard a knock at our door. I said, "This is crazy. I'm gonna go talk to them." So I went to the door opened it up and there in front of me was the captain of the boat. I thought, Thank God, someone reasonable. Well, the captain said to me all he wanted to do was take us on a helicopter ride. I thought great. A one way trip for me. The man was clearly crazy. All of a sudden the military police showed up. Thank god. Anyway, there was a full on riot. Lots of batons. You know, military police stuff. Just another day.

Another story takes place in New York. I was having an innocent flirtation with one of the girls I worked with. We were having a coffee together. Anyway, she said to me, "Let's go skydiving." She's from South America. So imagine a beautiful South American girl saying "Oh, let's go skydiving." I never tried skydiving before, but I said, "OK, let's go, why not." I said, "You know a place to go sky diving?" She said, "Yes. My old boyfriend is an instructor." I said, "What?" She said, "Yeah, he wanted to marry me, but I said no. But we're still good friends." I envisioned myself pulling on the parachute and a bunch of knives and spoons and forks come out. Like the Wiley Coyote in Road Runner. I said, "I think I'll pass on the skydiving and get another coffee instead." She said, "OK."

Anyway, that's about it for this week. I'll be back again. It's fun doing these blogs together. and you know what, it is good for me because I think about what is good to talk about. It's good for my memory. Anyway, have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 100 - April 29, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to Chapter 100. I'm gonna name this chapter "The Promise," 'cause I promised my friend here I'd dance with her at Chapter 100. Should be interesting because I can't even stand up. I'm also going to dedicate this chapter to my family and friends, all the doctors and nurses, you know, everyone that has helped me get better. And the therapists. I could go on and on.

It's been a crazy week this week. It started out with me getting an MRI done. That's not fun, I promise you. They put you in a small tube up to your ankles. You have to lie still for 40 minutes while they tickle your feet with a feather. Just kidding. I would think about things like that just to get me through the process. I would think about stories from the past. Stuff like that. I haven't heard about the results, but you know what, no news is good news.

The other thing that's happened is I've gone back to outpatient care for a tune up. They basically correct any mistake you do for self therapy. The therapist got me up and walking again. This is the 3rd time. You know, I walked after my first brain surgery. I walked after my second brain surgery, and I walked again after my seizures. The point is, I've gone through the same process like three times. I'm getting pretty good at this. It's pretty exciting though. It seems simple, but it's a lot of work just to walk down a hallway.

You know, I was thinking about it. I'm gonna end this blog at Chapter 100. You know, I always would think about the past to get me through the present. And I think it's time to start thinking about the future. Therefore, I'm going to end this blog at 100. I'm doing another blog, and it will be linked to my project, A Point of View. My friend here will include the link from the new blog. 

https://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com/

Anyway, I'm gonna sign off with a few stories. I might just check in on this blog to tell a few stories, you know, like a few months from now. You know me. I love telling stories. Here's a couple of stories from the past.

I was reading the previous blog. That made me think about Montauk, NY. I left out a few stories I love to tell. One story takes place in Montauk, NY, on the beach. I was at the beach with 3 friends. We were all hanging out and one of my friends had a sea kayak. I had never tried one before so I took it out real carefully. There were big waves. Kind of scary. Anyway, I went out past the point where the waves break when what do I see? I see a couple of military hummers coming down the beach. You see, they were looking for debris from Flight 800. The plane had exploded off of Long Island and they were picking up debris. Anyway, they stopped nearby my friends. They pulled out a megaphone. They said, "Hey you, on the sea kayak, pull over to your right and pick up some debris that's there in the water." I thought, Oh great, sarcastically, I said to myself.  So I paddled over to the debris they were talking about. They were all clothes and they were charred. There was a hat there. I thought, great, I hope there's not a head attached to the hat. I went over and picked up what I could, put it in the sea kayak and headed back to shore. On the way back to shore, I got onto a huge wave. I didn't mean to. It just seemed to pick me up. Mind you, I'd never been on a sea kayak before. My friends and all the marines were watching me. Talk about performance anxiety. Anyway, I rode the wave like you would a surf board. It was a huge wave. I went down the face of it really fast, got ahead of the impact. It seemed to explode behind me and the whitewater took me right up to the marines. You know, like I'd done it a hundred times before. Anyway, after thanking god I was still alive, I handed the head marine the hat. He said, "Thank you." I said, "Watch out. There's sea lice in the hat." Well the guy picked up the hat. Mind you, He looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the early days. He was a big guy. He took the hat and said, "Eww eww disgusting," and started dancing around like a 13 year old girl. He threw the hat into the back of his hummer and drove off saying, "Eww eww, oh my god." It was all kind of weird.

I'll tell another few random stories. Once I was on a photoshoot in Napa Valley, California. Well, I was like in bed drifting off to sleep in my hotel when it sounded like the person next door had a porn video going on. I couldn't get to sleep. It sounded like two cattle making out. One of them was very agreeable. You know, saying, "Oh yess, oh yess, oh yess," all the time. This went on for hours. I couldn't get to sleep. Well finally the porn video ended and I got to sleep. The next morning I got up, got my coffee, opened my door. The neighbor opened the door at the same time, the neighbor that was having the episode. It was one of my crew. The guy had picked up some girl at a local bar. Remember, I don't use names to protect the not-so-innocent.

Another story takes place in Australia, the rain forest of Australia. Anyway, I had been partying with my friend. We went for a walk in the rain forest. I came across a nest of beautiful insects. They were all purple and red. Their wings were shimmering in the light. It was beautiful so I decided to take a closer look. A mistake. My friend screamed NO, but it was too late. all the bugs rose up into the air and I realized they were tiny wasps. They all started attacking me and my friend. Have you ever run through virgin rain forest before? It's quite interesting. Anyway, after being stung several times, I found my way back to the house to have a cold beer.

Well, and the last story I'll tell takes place in Montauk, NY. It's pretty simple but, I used to go surfing all the time in a specific place. I would pull up in my truck with my dog and start waxing up the board. My dog would always get really nervous so I'd leave him with a piece of clothing. I gave him my hat and put it on his head and said, "I'll be right back for this." My friend will include a photo of the picture I took. It graces the cover of a book I did. Rescue Tails.

Anyway, this is B. Nice, signing off. Be sure to check out the new blog. Love, B. Nice,

I gotta go dance now!

Chapter 99 - April 23, 2013

Wow! Chapter 99. Can you believe it? Hi everybody. Welcome to Chapter 99. I'm gonna name this chapter, "Puppy," and I'm gonna dedicate it to my Mom and Dad.

The chapter is called "Puppy" because I met the most optimistic person in the world. That guy is my hero. Amazing. The guy was a boot maker in Arizona. He was 97 years old, and he went out and he got a puppy. Now that's optimistic. You know when you're like this you have to be optimistic. You've got to think about getting better all the time. I mentioned it before, but it's so important to have a point person. In my case, it's my mother. She kind of controls everything like a conductor would. She is my personal assistant. For example, my roommate the last time I was in rehab, my roommate had a wife who was his point person. They make decisions for you, plan your week, make appointments for you. You know, make your life easier. This is all stuff I've said before, but I think it's really important. I mean, come on, if it wasn't for my family and friends, I'd be in a nursing home. And I saw plenty of people who lived in a nursing home. It doesn't look fun.

I'll just recap a few more things I did this week. I've been standing using all my body weight. It sounds simple just standing up, but believe me, it's scary as hell. But I'm doing it. I'm standing up with two people holding me. Another baby step forward. Other things I do that are important is water therapy, once again. It's so important for balance. You know, the most important thing that I'll say again, is attitude. You've got to maintain a positive attitude. I know it's not easy to do, but it's so important. You gotta stay positive. Like, the guy I met who was 97 years old. Anyway, you know, I'm tired of talking about all this stuff. Let's talk about a few random stories. Stories from the past.

You know, I loved living in Montauk, NY. I'll tell you a few reasons why. One time I was having dinner and I said, "I'll have the tuna special." Well, the waitress, she said, "There's no more tuna, I'm sorry. You'll have to choose something else." All of a sudden, a fishing boat pulled up to the pier. The guy was unloading yellow fin tuna. She looked over to the boat and she said, "You know what? Tuna's back on the menu." It was real fresh. I like the casual attitude that everyone had in Montauk. There was a great bar/restaurant I would go to all the time for lunch. It was down by the town dock. A lot of locals went there along with fisherman. It was a cool place. Anyway, I was sitting there with my friend having lunch. I looked over and there was a celebrity I recognized sitting at the bar. Well, the owner of the restaurant came out with the coffee and the owner said, real loud, "Who's the spineless puke who ordered the non-fat double decaf, lo-fat powder chocolate on the top cappuccino?" And the celebrity sheepishly raised his hand. They obviously knew each other 'cause they both started laughing.

There was another guy I knew. He owned a surf store. Anyway, he also owned a bar I would go to all the time. We talked about windsurfing. He used to windsurf in the 80's. Anyway, he was windsurfing on the ocean and he looked up to see what he thought was a boat turned upside down. He went out to check it out. Well, when he got close to the object, he saw that it was a big dead whale. What was feeding on the whale? A giant great white shark. The guy thought, well, I better turn around. So he quickly turned around and went back to shore. But the great white shark didn't like anything else around him. So he chased off my friend back to the shore. The guy who was windsurfing said he looked back. Imagine stretching your arms out. He said the head was like fist to fist. That's a big smile. Anyway, he made it to shore and called the Coast Guard. By the way, they caught the fish.

You know, the shoreline of Montauk was always changing. You know, it would be rocky one month and sandy the next. It was always changing. I guess it was kind of a metaphor to how things are right now. Everything is always changing. Once you get used to it, it's not so bad. As a matter of fact, I think change is good for you.

I don't have much else to report. Oh yeah, I have one more story to tell you. It takes place in Australia. Near where I lived there was a hotel and every Sunday they played music everyone would sit outside drink beer, you know. Hang out. Anyway, the bikers really liked this outdoor bar. There was one group of bikers. They were real outlaws. Real tough guys. They were based out of New Zealand. Anyway, they were sitting there having their beers and cruising into the bar comes a group of Sunday bikers. They were like doctors and lawyers. They were in their pristine leathers. You know, they had Harley written over their real nice sleeveless vest. They rode in, saw the other bikers who came from New Zealand. Their eyes got really big and the New Zealanders' got real small, and the lawyers and doctors did a U turn and kept going. It was pretty funny.

Anyway, that's it for this week. Next week is chapter 100. I promised my friend here we'd dance at chapter 100. I made this promise around chapter 2 or 3 so it should be interesting. A new form of dancing. You see, I'm not at where I thought I'd be, but I'll improvise. Talk to you next week, I hope. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 98 - April 16, 2013

Hi everybody. Another week goes by. I'm gonna name this chapter "There are no problems, just solutions." That's something that John Lennon said. There are no problems, just solutions, and I agree. You see, the trailer I wanted to get I can't get. The car I have won't pull the trailer. I was misinformed. Anyway, I gotta look for another solution. You know, I had a vision of an Airstream trailer and all that. It was a good visual but now I have to adapt and think of something new. I think I might rent an RV and go in my car as the back up. I don't know. I still have to think about it. The whole situation is kind of a metaphor to my life right now. You see, you have to learn to adapt. You have to solve problems that are presented.

I'll continue on with Traumatic Brain Injury. You see, I keep saying it over and over, but therapy is so important. I just got OK from my out patient therapy to go back and get a touch up. It's kind of cool. I'll go back to physical therapy. They'll do an evaluation and update me. It's been since what? September I've been there. But it'll be cool though, seeing as I've made some improvement and they'll give me some new therapy to do. It's kind of an update. The other thing is, you know, I continue to do water therapy. It's so important. The other thing I realize, I was sitting at home and looking at all my therapy tools. They're all for a 5 year old. If you don't have the luxury of getting therapy, just use your 5 year old's toys. I work with blocks and sippy cups. Stuff like that. It kind of works out good 'cause I've had a few girlfriends that say I act like a 5 year old.

My friend here came over to my house to do the blog. It was a little earlier than we usually do it. I'm so tired. It's remarkable how tired one gets after lunch. Maybe it's a blood sugar thing. I don't know. Either way, it's really difficult to stay awake. Just an observation.

My friend here's going to put a link of my pitch for the trip. You know, it's really tough to see yourself as I am because, from the inside looking out, I don't feel like I'm disabled. It's kind of like when you get old. You know, you don't feel old, but you look in the mirror and you go "Holy Shit, I'm old." It's kind of the same thing. I don't feel disabled. I don't feel any different than I used to be, but man, I'm messed up. I've got a lot of work to do. I realize this when I see the video. Anyway, check it out.

Enough of this heavy stuff. Let's tell a few random stories. In the early '80s I worked for a great photographer. When we were shooting in the studio and he said to me, "Go check the back lights." I said, "What? They're fine." and all the other assistants as well as he said, "Go check the back light." So I said, "All right all right. I'll check them." So I went to the back of the studio to check the back light and what did I see but a big bowl of cocaine. I don't like coke because it makes people talk and talk and talk and they say things like "I love you man." It's all bullshit. Anyway, I looked at the coke and there was a big bag of plaster back there as well. So what did I do? I took a handful of plaster and put it in my hair, on my face, on my shirt and went back to the camera. The photographer looked up at me and he said, "Oh my god, you've got coke all over you!" I started laughing and showed him the bag of plaster. He laughed kind of nervously. 

Another time, I was working with another photographer. I was really drunk. I was trying to sneak in with one of the models. The only way to her room was the outside balcony. Well, I got outside, started shimmying my way to her room and I had to pass a window. Who was in there? The photographer and some other girl. I quickly went past them cause they were making out. I got to the other girl's room and she wouldn't let me in. I said, "At least let me in to go back to my room." She said, no way. Get out of here." So I made my way back to the room I was in. Once again I had to go past the photographer's window. Well, he was doing something with the girl I can't talk about, but it made me fall... I fell 2 stories into a snowbank. Thank god there was no fire hydrant or car in the snowbank. 

OK, I'll tell one more story. I was out looking for work, cause I was a freelance assistant at the time. Anyway, I would often just show up looking for work. I was on my way to a photographer's studio, I got in an elevator and all of a sudden the door got held up by some one's hand. It was a bunch of girls and guys. they came into the elevator. I couldn't even fit hardly. We were packed in there like sardines. Anyway, on the way up to the studio, the photographer's studio, they all started stripping down to their swimwear they had under their clothes. By the end, I was well, well, I felt like I had been assaulted. Did you ever see Gary Busey's mug shot? Well, that's what I looked like. It looked like someone hit me over the head with a 2x4. Anyway, all the models went off to their casting in the studio. I wandered around the studio looking like a stunned mullet. Needless to say, they threw me out and I didn't get the job.

OK, I'm gonna tell one more story. It's about my assistant Peter. Well, way back in high school, Peter had a girlfriend. He would often go over to her house for dinner. Oh, yeah, the family had an African grey parrot. Anyway, he was there on Thursday and the father said, "I'm going on a vacation with your mother. There are to be no parties, no boys, no visitors. Just you behave yourself. I'll be leaving Friday night and coming back on Sunday afternoon." So, fast forward to Friday. The parents leave and Peter moved right in. He stays at the house until Sunday midday, and the parents came home at 3:00 on Sunday. Anyway, they were all having a snack in the afternoon and the father said, you know, to the daughter, "You know, you haven't' seen Peter all weekend, why don't you invite him over for dinner tonight." So Peter came over for diner and they were all sitting around the table. At the desert the parents said, "Peter," in the girl's voice, and the father said, "Well, listen to the bird. He said your name. You're one of the family now." And then the bird said, "Peter Peter oh yes right there Peter, oh my god." Well, I don't need to say anymore. Talk to you guys later. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure that story peter told me is a wives tale, but knowing the guys I worked with, it could be true. Talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 97 - April 9, 2013

Hi everybody, welcome to another week in paradise. I'm going to name this blog, "You little spoiled brat!"

I was talking to a client the other day. She said I had a bad boy image. And then I was talking to another client. I said to her, "Did I have a bad boy image?" She said, "No, you're more of a spoiled brat." I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall. You see, one time I was doing a photoshoot in a studio. The Studio manager handed me a fax to give to the editor. I looked at the fax to see if it was for me. The subject said, "Is Mr. Not-So-Nice behaving himself?" Another time, I was shooting a fashion job in the Hamptons. As I was shooting the producer said to me, "We have to go to Miami tomorrow. Get yourself to the airport and buy yourself a dinner, and the dinner you will have to pay for." Well, I stopped shooting. I looked at her. I said to her, "Are you serious?" I said, "You guys have been nickel and diming me to death. I  have to think about what you said. I'm going to take a stroll down the beach and think about what you said." Well, the beach was about a mile long and I walked all the way to the end. On the way back, I saw her running to me. She said, "All right, I'll buy your fucking dinner, now will you please get back to the shoot?!" Another time I was talking to a creative director in New York City. She was the creative director to a big account I had. Anyway, she handed me two envelopes. One contained information I was to give to the art director. The other envelope was for a surprise birthday party the same art director was going to have. The creative director stressed to me, "By no means show her this envelope with her birthday party information inside." So what did I do with my infinite wisdom? I handed her the wrong envelope. She opened it up. Her eyes got really big. She shut the envelope and she said I don't think I was supposed to see this. I kind of felt like throwing up. What was even worse was gong to the party. There were about 200 people there and I was talking to the creative director. She said, I've been planning this for about 6 months. If I ever found out someone gave it away, I'd kill them. The art director arrived and acted really surprised. She winked at me. I checked my shorts.

Another time, I was getting ready to go on a photoshoot. We had the location van set up in central park. It was early in the morning. Man, I was hung over. I went outside and laid on the sidewalk. I felt so sick. The model came out in a one piece jumpsuit, leopard print. She was wearing lots of gold and had gold slippers. Mind you, this was the mid '90's. Anyway, she started massaging with her heal. I started groaning. For some reason everyone walked around me. It must have been really strange to see out of context. Everyone that walked by avoided me.

OK, I'll talk a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injury. Hey, guess what. I saw the motor home, the trailer I want to use for my trip coming up. See the link attached for My Point of View. https://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com/ Anyway, I managed to stand up and get inside with the help of 3 people. It was like an Olympic Event getting inside, but I did it. I've been spending like 6 months learning how to take 3 steps, turn around and sit down. I was so proud of myself. You see, it looks simple, but man, it was a lot of work and scary as hell. What's even scarier was I sat there and I thought, OK, I got in, but how the hell do I get out? I never thought about that. So I improvised.

My friend here asked me, How did I get out. Well the same 3 people that helped me get in just threw me out the door. Just kidding. I just walked backwards out the door into my wheelchair.
It's a trailer I'd like to use. The other thing is, I've stepped up my water therapy. I can't really walk on land, but I can walk in the water. It helps me get ready for land. Let's see, what else is new. Well, I've been trying to feed myself. It's working out. Feels good not to stab myself in the face. Basically, everything is improving it's just in baby steps. Everything is so slow. The guy with the trailer said he can modify the trailer to me. I looked at him, I thought for a minute I said. You know, I like it stock, as it is. I'll modify myself to the trailer. It takes some time, but I'll do it. You gotta know your limits. Anyway, I'll talk to you guys next week. My friend here will include some drawings I did in the past. 

My friend here will include a drawing I did about a Turkey Shoot. It's no big deal. I just had to work on Thanksgiving day. It was just me and my turkey in Naples, Florida. We often had to work on the holidays. Oh well. At least I got a good drawing out of it.