Chapter 97 - April 9, 2013

Hi everybody, welcome to another week in paradise. I'm going to name this blog, "You little spoiled brat!"

I was talking to a client the other day. She said I had a bad boy image. And then I was talking to another client. I said to her, "Did I have a bad boy image?" She said, "No, you're more of a spoiled brat." I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall. You see, one time I was doing a photoshoot in a studio. The Studio manager handed me a fax to give to the editor. I looked at the fax to see if it was for me. The subject said, "Is Mr. Not-So-Nice behaving himself?" Another time, I was shooting a fashion job in the Hamptons. As I was shooting the producer said to me, "We have to go to Miami tomorrow. Get yourself to the airport and buy yourself a dinner, and the dinner you will have to pay for." Well, I stopped shooting. I looked at her. I said to her, "Are you serious?" I said, "You guys have been nickel and diming me to death. I  have to think about what you said. I'm going to take a stroll down the beach and think about what you said." Well, the beach was about a mile long and I walked all the way to the end. On the way back, I saw her running to me. She said, "All right, I'll buy your fucking dinner, now will you please get back to the shoot?!" Another time I was talking to a creative director in New York City. She was the creative director to a big account I had. Anyway, she handed me two envelopes. One contained information I was to give to the art director. The other envelope was for a surprise birthday party the same art director was going to have. The creative director stressed to me, "By no means show her this envelope with her birthday party information inside." So what did I do with my infinite wisdom? I handed her the wrong envelope. She opened it up. Her eyes got really big. She shut the envelope and she said I don't think I was supposed to see this. I kind of felt like throwing up. What was even worse was gong to the party. There were about 200 people there and I was talking to the creative director. She said, I've been planning this for about 6 months. If I ever found out someone gave it away, I'd kill them. The art director arrived and acted really surprised. She winked at me. I checked my shorts.

Another time, I was getting ready to go on a photoshoot. We had the location van set up in central park. It was early in the morning. Man, I was hung over. I went outside and laid on the sidewalk. I felt so sick. The model came out in a one piece jumpsuit, leopard print. She was wearing lots of gold and had gold slippers. Mind you, this was the mid '90's. Anyway, she started massaging with her heal. I started groaning. For some reason everyone walked around me. It must have been really strange to see out of context. Everyone that walked by avoided me.

OK, I'll talk a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injury. Hey, guess what. I saw the motor home, the trailer I want to use for my trip coming up. See the link attached for My Point of View. https://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com/ Anyway, I managed to stand up and get inside with the help of 3 people. It was like an Olympic Event getting inside, but I did it. I've been spending like 6 months learning how to take 3 steps, turn around and sit down. I was so proud of myself. You see, it looks simple, but man, it was a lot of work and scary as hell. What's even scarier was I sat there and I thought, OK, I got in, but how the hell do I get out? I never thought about that. So I improvised.

My friend here asked me, How did I get out. Well the same 3 people that helped me get in just threw me out the door. Just kidding. I just walked backwards out the door into my wheelchair.
It's a trailer I'd like to use. The other thing is, I've stepped up my water therapy. I can't really walk on land, but I can walk in the water. It helps me get ready for land. Let's see, what else is new. Well, I've been trying to feed myself. It's working out. Feels good not to stab myself in the face. Basically, everything is improving it's just in baby steps. Everything is so slow. The guy with the trailer said he can modify the trailer to me. I looked at him, I thought for a minute I said. You know, I like it stock, as it is. I'll modify myself to the trailer. It takes some time, but I'll do it. You gotta know your limits. Anyway, I'll talk to you guys next week. My friend here will include some drawings I did in the past. 

My friend here will include a drawing I did about a Turkey Shoot. It's no big deal. I just had to work on Thanksgiving day. It was just me and my turkey in Naples, Florida. We often had to work on the holidays. Oh well. At least I got a good drawing out of it.

Chapter 96 - April 2, 2013

I'm going to name this blog, "Angry Butterflies." I'll explain more later.

Hi everybody. Welcome to another week. Oh man, I'll tell you, each day is distinctly different from the other. Talk about going rail to rail in emotions. Just the other day, let's put it this way, if I think about a kitten in a field full of butterflies and flowers, I'll be a big mush and cry. And then, I think, who the fuck put a kitten in a big field like that, and what's with the butterflies? I get real angry. My emotions are all over the place. I guess it's another sign my body is waking up. Every morning I wake up, I open my eyes, look out the window, I say good morning to my little one, and then I'm thankful I'm still here. And then I think about what therapy I have to do today.

Therapy, that reminds me. You know, I was in the rehab hospital like what? 3 times, in total over a year? They work you real hard there. Every hour of the day you're doing something. It's hard but you have to continue. What I'm saying is, you gotta keep going. I've been working hard now at home for about 3 years, but you know what? It pays off. Just today, some friends stopped by. Mind you, I haven't seen them in about a month, but they remarked I've gotten so much better. You know, living the way I do, I don't see advances, but they noticed. The other thing that happened this week is I got what they call a junk wheelchair. It's a generic, all purpose wheelchair. In other words, it's not custom made to you, but I use it all the time. It builds up my core strength which is very important. I've been practicing the chair-lift. It's a chair that goes up the stairs on a rail. It's a fun ride for my little one as well. The other thing I do every hour is I try and stand. It's good for the body to get vertical any chance you get. I stand for as long as I can, like ten minutes or so. It's frustrating. You know, I watch my friends do things like build fires and do the dishes and do the housework. all I can do is just sit there and breathe. Hell, I can hardly raise a towel to my face. It's frustrating because mentally I'm all there, I'm just stuck in this body. I don't know if I told you earlier, but, you know, I had a bad vein on my brain stem. The vein was a slow bleed, so basically, it affected me physically. I do other things whenever I can, like, make bread with my assistant. I draw and paint with my father. I supervise cooking dinner with my mother. You know, like I said before, any small chore becomes therapy. Hell, life is therapy.

OK, I'm gonna have just a little bitch session here. You know what really pisses me off? Before this event, I was playing guitar all my life. I picked up one of my many guitars the other day, and it was like an Olympic event just to strum it. I gotta learn guitar all over again. Hell, it took me 30 years to get halfway decent, and now I gotta start all over again. That really pisses me off. Uh oh, here comes the kitten in the field again. Here we go. All right, I'll cool my jets. It's just an observation. OK, let's tell some fashion stories.

I'm starting to run out of stories to tell you. Can you believe it? I don't know which category I'm going to dip into. Adventure? Romance? Oh wait, there wasn't much of that. Um, let's see, Travel? I'll ask my friend here... My friend here wants to talk about adventure... Which type of an adventure. My friend here wants to talk about my grandfather's ranch in Australia. Well, what comes to mind is this: When I pulled up to the ranch for the first time, this really strange couple came up to our car. They were the caretakers. They said to me, "Oy mate, here put these on. They should fit you." They were boots that went up to my knees. I said to the woman, "What's with the boots?" and she said, "Well, there's lots of macadamia nuts here and the nuts attract the rats and the snakes are attracted to the rats." Use your imagination. Well, I got out in the field and there were bloody snakes everywhere. Not little tiny snakes you find in like Santa Barbara hills, but big vipers. There were a few pythons here and there. It was quite the farm. The old woman told me a story. She went out into the field once to do some work. Anyway, she leaned over to pick up a stick and a viper struck her in the chest. If you don't have anti-venom, you've got about 15 minutes. Well, she made her way back to the house. She sat down on the porch to die. Half an hour went by and she was still alive. She thought to her self, I should be dead by now. She reached into her shirt and she pulled out a pack of cigarettes the snake struck. Imagine that, she was saved by a pack of cigarettes.

It was fun going there as kid. Hell, at night, it was so noisy. Everything seemed to be eating everything else. 

You know, I always loved Australia. If you guys get a chance to go don't pass it up. It's an amazing place. I really miss it. Imagine this, it's like the same size as the United States, but there's only the population of the greater Metro New York area. Imagine making everyone in the United States leave and just sprinkle the population of New York around the Australian coast. That's what it's like. Or at least that's what it was like when I was there. Either way, it's a great place. I kind of got sidetracked there. Sorry. I was talking about fashion stories. I'll tell one and then we'll call it a day.

Let's talk about fashion romance stories. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I don't kiss and tell.

Oh, I'll tell a story about a great hair dresser I worked with. He was shooting with a client that was very conservative. She didn't like the hair. He came up to her and he said, "What? She looks gorgeous. I'm a fucking good hairdresser. I know what I'm doing. She looks great. She looks sexy. She looks like she just got fucked." I thought, well, there goes that client. She took a step back, looked at the model, looked at him, looked at the girl again. There was an awkward moment of silence and she said, "You know what, she does look sexy. I'm gonna go with it." And that was that.

Well, on that story, I'm gonna say goodbye. You know after telling that story, it reminded me of a few others, but I'm gonna save them for you. I'll talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

My friend here will include some paintings I did around Easter. We opened up the front room and I found a suitcase full of old journals too. Good stuff. Talk to you next week.

Chapter 95 - March 27, 2013

Hi everybody! Hey, I was looking at the previous cartoons in the previous blog. There's a mention about shrimp. I used to work with this make-up artist all the time and she mentioned to me an act called "Shrimping." It's a specific sexual act (this act was recently illegal in some states). It involves a specific sexual act and a straw. Anyway, shrimping became an ongoing joke on each shoot I did with her. We were putting shrimp in peoples' beds, straws under peoples pillows. You know, it was an ongoing joke of the photo shoot. Anyway, on the last day of the shoot, we were in Miami Customs saying goodbye to each other. My assistant snuck a whole bunch of shrimp and straws into the makeup artist's purse. That was the last straw! No pun intended. She went ballistic. She totally lost it because she had reached into her bag to get her passport, she pulled out a bunch of shrimp. She started beating my assistant with her bag and swinging at him. Mind you, we're at US Customs Hall. She started chasing him around the hall, screaming at him, throwing shrimp at him. Knocking things over. She totally lost it. But the most remarkable thing was, no one did anything. The officers just stood there and watched them wreck the place.

We used to all play practical jokes on each other all the time. You know, stuff like fake cockroaches. Stuff like that. I would remember this stuff as I was lying on my back for years. Shrimping wasn't my thing, but hey, there are some people I know that would enjoy a shrimp cocktail now and then... Ha, ha, ha.

Recently it was St. Patrick's day. It's a big event in the village I lived in, Montauk, NY. Anyway, they have a real kitsch Americana parade every year. I got a place in the parade as a local fashion shoot. What I did was I got an actress and some clothes together and I put her in the parade. I had a chat with her before the parade. I said, "Look, this could either bomb or be really fun. It's all up to you." We started out doing portraits with everybody, and playing with the band. I said to her, "Treat it like a dream. Just have fun." Well, the people in the parade had no idea what the hell was going on. This pretty girl in clothes would go up to them and pose with them and then she was off. I overheard one judge say, "Clearly this girl is out of her mind." It was fun, kind of funny. But it worked. I really liked the pictures. I would do things like this all the time. And I would think about them when I was in the state I'm in. It helps get your mind off what you're going through.

I'll give you one other example. I'm planning my cross country road trip. It's called a Point of View. I've been planning it with my friend for quite some time now. But I need a distraction like this trip to get my mind off of the way I feel.

https://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com/

I'll talk a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injury now. It's weird, this week has almost been like a turning point for me. I feel more awake. I keep saying it over and over again, but I feel like I'm waking up more and more. Like I said before, it's bittersweet. I think I felt better not knowing what's going on. But there are clearly some advances. I'm better in my fine motor coordination. I stand a little better. They're all little advances, but they add up.

The other cool thing is, I am moving upstairs, out of the living room. I'll go back to my bedroom. It's been two years I've been living in the living room so I'm looking forward to it. You know, there's not much else to report. I am getting better. Just have to be patient. I'm going to make it a short one this week. My friend here is going to include some drawings I did from the past. And the link to my project, A Point of View. Happy Easter. Love you guys. Talk to you soon, B. Nice

Chapter 94 - March 19, 2013

Hi everybody. Another week goes by. I'm gonna name this chapter, this blog, I'm going to name it, "My first time." Get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about the first time I tried to lie. I lived in Brooklyn Heights when I was little. Brooklyn Heights, New York City. Anyway, I was walking down the street and there was a one dollar bill in the middle of the sidewalk. I picked it up and immediately went to the corner store. I went to the cashier, slapped down the dollar bill and I said, "I'll have 100 pieces of gum from the penny candy counter." The guy looked at me and he said, "Does your mother know you're here?" Oh yeah, this was last week... just kidding. Anyway, I said, "I'll have 100 pieces of gum." After he said, "Does your mother know you're here?" I looked at him, there was an awkward moment of silence. I was about to lie and say, "Yes," when I grabbed the dollar bill and started running out the door. I still remember this as though it just happened. The point of the story is, the easiest thing to remember is the truth. Every time I hold my little one, I remind her that the easiest thing to remember is the truth. Always tell the truth. Everything I have told you, I remember because it's all true. I also believe all these things happened to me to get me ready and stronger for now.

This week was a pretty cool week. I got the stair chair installed and going so I can sleep upstairs. I went upstairs the other day. It was the first time in 2 years I've been on the second floor. I've been sleeping in the living room. Anyway, it felt great to go upstairs. I saw all the stuff from my house in Montauk. Man, I got a lot of stuff. The other cool thing that happened was my friend here did a video of me and my story. It's bittersweet videotaping yourself. you see how far you've come, but you also see how messed up you are. The other thing I see is how devastatingly handsome I am. Just kidding. I do have a hard time seeing myself all messed up. Remember, mentally, I'm all there, but physically, I'm pretty messed up. Anyway, it's a good bench marker. I would highly recommend that someone videotape you when you're in a condition like mine. I tend to repeat myself. Always have, so if this stuff sounds familiar, sorry. It will drive home a point.

My friend here was reading to me what I wrote. I just want to tell you about a couple things. They all happened in Brooklyn Heights when I was little. You know, back then, we all ran around like The Little Rascals. It was pretty safe back then. Anyway, I was on the Promenade by myself. It overlooked the highway. My favorite thing was to stick my head through the steel bars and spit on the cars. Real intellectual stuff, you know. Anyway, a cop was walking his beat came by, and he said, "Are you all right?" I said, "No, my head is stuck." Well, he got another police officer to get a car jack and they spread the bars and got my head out. I never told my parents about this. I think that was my IQ test right there. Another time we were on back of Montague Street where we lived and some guy tried to lure me and my friend into his apartment. I said, "My dad told me about people like you." And we immediately went to the police. Well, the police officer that was working the beat brought us back to the apartment. He made us show him where the guy was. While I stood on the sidewalk I heard a lot of noise and someone getting beat up, and next thing you know, the police officers come out with a guy who was handcuffed and they had a box full of stuff. They put him in the back of a squad car and drove off with him and the box. Another time we were at the playground and we were sitting against the wall. Well, some kid came over the wall grabbed my friend's bike. So what did we do? We reached into our back pockets where we carried sharpened popsicle sticks and we stabbed the guy in the calf as he was trying to get away with the bike. We got into a lot of trouble. I've got a lot of stories. Did I mention the neighborhood was pretty safe?

You know, sometimes I can't think of what to say to you guys. You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about the past. When I get confused about what stories to tell, my friend and I look at cartoons from the past. I used to always play practical jokes on everyone, but my crew got me back one time. They short sheeted my bed and put shrimp at the bottom of my bed. I'll include a cartoon here.

I'll have my friend here include some other cartoons. You know, in this blog I always think about the past, but in my trip coming up, I'll have a blog and I'll think about the future. You know, where I want to be. Think about where you want to be, and you'll get there.

Love you guys, talk to you next week. Oh yeah! I want to dedicate the blog to my friend. He comes over once a week to take me out to lunch. It's cool. You know you really need a distraction. Get out of the house. It's good to have friends, like my friend in front of me and my friend that takes me to lunch. I've got lots of good friends. Anyway, I thought I'd share that with you. It's really important. Otherwise you feel like you're under house arrest. Talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice.

Chapter 93 - March 12, 2013

I can't get lost because I don't know where I'm going. Actually, I do know where I'm going. I'm gonna get better.

Hi everybody, welcome to another week. Man, I woke up this morning and I felt terrible. So I had my mom turn on the TV. We turned on the weather channel. And you know what they said? They said, Today was National Nap Day. No, I'm serious. Today is National Nap Day. I looked outside. It's raining. It's really gray out. Overcast. There's a big low pressure system hanging over us. I would say it's nap day. You see, when you're like I am, traumatic brain injury, things really affect you, like low pressure systems. They really bring you down. Or something like sugar. That will really affect you. And coffee, oh my god. A cup of espresso feels like it will kill you. So today, what did I do? Like a young idiot, I had a double espresso with 2 spoonfuls of sugar on a low pressure system day. I feel like I'm on Mars. I should have just had a chamomile tea. So as you go through something like this, you'll learn as you go what affects you and what doesn't. I'm learning the hard way. Maybe this info will help someone out there.

It wasn't really an eventful week. I don't have much news to report. In a situation like this, no news is good news. I have been doing water therapy. It's really helpful. I've been doing that to get ready for my trip coming up. My friend here will include the link.

https://mypointofviewproject.wordpress.com/

The other thing I've been working on a lot is my machine called the Up and Go. It basically teaches you how to walk again. It's an excellent machine. I highly advise using it. The other thing I've been doing is I work with a guy doing yoga and stretching. That's been really good as well. Other than that, it's the same old routine. I do therapy from sunrise to sunset. Thank god the days are short this time of year.

You know, I spend a lot of time just sitting in my wheelchair staring at the dog or a wall. I remember things from the past to preoccupy my time. I spent a lot of my previous time traveling. I used to actually love to travel. It gave me time to do my cartoons, like the ones I've been showing you. When I was little, we took the steamship, the SS France from New York to France. It was a great trip. Back then, you had a cabin with a personal steward. It was a great way to travel. Now everything is so rushed. I miss those days where you would take a steamship. I have a feeling I'll be reliving those days. You see, under doctors' advice, I can't fly.

Man, one time, when I was flying, all of a sudden comes an announcement that we had to make an emergency landing. I guess the pilot lost his radar. He had to land somewhere clear so he could land by sight. Anyway, we landed at some airport in the desert somewhere near Phoenix. Oh, yeah, we were going from LA to New York. We got to the terminal, everyone unloaded the plane. They put us in the departure lounge. I went to the window to take some photos. The pilot was up on the nose cone talking to some technician. The technician got a ladder, opened up the nose cone and a radar dish fell out and hit the ground. I felt like booking a car back to New York. Anyway, the technician got a new radar dish, put it in with a screwdriver, hooked it up, closed the cone, locked it and off we went.

Another time, I was flying for work and an announcement came over the speaker that we had to make an emergency landing. This was going from Indonesia to Sydney. We landed in some strange airport, in the middle of the night. The flight attendants came around and shut all the shades. I was curious so I opened my shade to see what the hell was going on. The pilot was standing by an engine. The pilot looked like he was 12. He was looking at the engine, took off his hat, scratched his head, and looked up at the engine as fuel was pouring out of it. Another announcement came on and said, "Well, we have to spend the night here and order another engine from Japan."

Another time we were traveling we had to take a boat from Brisbane, Australia, to Heron Island. When we left the port it was a beautiful day, very calm. All of a sudden a storm kicked up. The swells were huge, but we were already more than half way through the trip. The captain of the boat was already committed to finishing our trip to Heron Island. Anyway, the swells got so big they were going over the top of the boat. We all got on the floor and held on to anything we could hold on to. At the back of the boat, the male model who was 6'8" was holding on to his bench going, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy." We all had puke all over us. It was real bad. Anyway, a girl that worked on the boat started handing out life jackets and throw up bags. She seemed fine. She said to me,"You know what works in a situation like this?" I wiped the vomit from my face and said, "What?" She said, "Think about sex." I said, "You gotta be kidding me!" I was covered in my own vomit. We got to the dock and the captain said over the speaker, "We're going to try and dock. If we can't make it, we'll have to go back." When I heard this, I went upstairs, threw my camera bag to my assistant and jumped off the boat. I got in a lot of trouble, but there was no way I was going back through that. You should have seen the expression of the tourists ready to board the boat going back.

OK, I'll tell you one last story before I sign off. It was pretty wild. I was flying over Laos. This was at the end of the Vietnam war. I was a little kid. Anyway, the flight attendants came around and shut all the blinds. We were at 30,000 feet, something like that. Then the captain came over the speaker, he said, "Taking photos out the window is prohibited. You're not allowed to look out the window." So, what did I do? I immediately open my window and looked outside. Remember, we're 30,000 feet, as far as the eye could see there were bomb craters. Cheerful huh? Anyway, I hate to leave you with this. To lighten it up, my friend here will leave you with some cartoons that should make you smile. Talk to you next week everybody. Love. B. Nice.