Chapter 67 - September 11, 2012

Hey, check out the date above. I want to dedicate this blog to someone I knew in the Twin Towers. I won't go into details, but I will tell you, he was a cool guy. If I could, I'd raise a pint of ale to ya.

Hi everybody, you know every time September 11 comes around you see pictures of falling buildings, wrecked fire trucks, people covered in white ash, total death and destruction, but I have a good story.

September 11, 2001, I was out surfing in Montauk. It was a beautiful day. Just like today. There was a north wind, a Bermuda low, hurricane pushing up a great hurricane swell. It was ideal conditions for surfing big waves. You see, a lot of people from a certain agency in the Twin Towers called into work and said they wouldn't be there. They basically played hooky that day because of the waves. It's a good thing they did because their lives were saved because of the big waves.

That's enough about that. Let's go back to traumatic brain injury. You know, we go through life avoiding holes. I've fallen into a huge hole. I need lots of help getting out. It's a bit of a cliche, but I am in a big hole. First thing you have to do is save yourself, and then you need a point person to help you get up and start your climb out. Friends and family are so important.You know what I'm going to tell a few stories instead. I got side tracked and forgot what I was going to say. I started thinking about the above paragraph too much. Let's tell a few stories.They are going to be random stories.

The following story takes place in Paris. When I was living in Paris, I would often go to the movies by myself. The movies were often on the Champs Elysees. Anyway, I was walking to the movie. I turned around and saw a group of soccer hooligans, and I looked in front and there was another group of soccer hooligans, and then I looked to my right and there was some riot police in a van. One of the policemen was walking out with a riot shield and a baton. I said to him, "What's going on?" He looked at me, put down his plexiglass visor and he said, in a very thick french accent, "Get out of here. There's going to be trouble." I thought, Oh my God, I gotta get out of here.So I ducked into a cafe. It was a typical tourist cafe on the Champs Elysees. It had an outdoor cafe, but it was walled in with glass. I sat down and ordered coffee. The two groups met. The riot police came out. So I jumped up, ran to the bar, ordered a beer, sat down at my table and watched a full on riot occur. Very entertaining and better than any movie you could go see.

The following story took place during a photographic shoot in Santa Barbara, California, USA. The day before our shooting, there was a series of small earthquakes. Our location van driver wouldn't shut up about them. He kept going on and on about earthquakes. (A location van is where they do all the hair and makeup, catering, wardrobe. It's basically a mobile studio.) Anyway, on that morning we were shooting and he would go on and on about the earthquakes. Every time I'd go in to get a coffee, he'd be chatting about the earthquakes. I shot all morning. Worked hard. We had lunch and I had to listen to him talk about earthquakes. I was in my car trying to catch a few ZZZz and I couldn't sleep because I heard him talking about earthquakes. It was driving me nuts, so I got my assistants. We all stood on the back bumper and the back ladder. On the count of 3 we all jumped up and down on the bumper and the ladder. We really got the location van rocking and rolling. I threw down a few stands and lights to make it a little more dramatic. Well, the results were perfect. The van driver, the one who was going on and on about earthquakes, he screamed, "Oh, my God! an earthquake, everyone get out of the van quick, stay away from the building. Get into open space." Everyone, I mean everyone came piling out of the van. I was crying I was laughing so hard. One of the models even managed to call her boyfriend. She said, "We're right in the middle of an earthquake." It was very funny, but I never did get coffee for the rest of the day.

Let's talk about the mask. My friend here reminded me. We never did talk about the mask. (See a few blogs back.) When I was in Australia, I would often go to a certain store to buy primitive artwork. I used to collect primitive art, but I would always collect like baskets, books, kitchen stuff, you know everyday stuff.  But one day, I walked into this store and I saw a mask I really liked. Something about it really appealed to me. Well, anyway, I bought the mask, brought it home and hung it on the wall. The first night I had the mask my wife at the time and I went to bed. I was sleeping in a deep sleep when I had the most bizarre dream. I dreamed something was circling my apartment outside. Some energy that would go from window to window trying to get in, faster and faster. It was outside. Then it was inside and was making a noise like Whooosh whoosh. It would get closer and closer to me. It was very intense, and as it got closer to me I had a nightmare of slaughtered kangaroos. Everything was red. I woke up screaming. I looked over and my wife was screaming. She was having the same nightmare. How bizarre was that? Well, I went into the kitchen, got some tequila. I was looking at the mask when all of a sudden one of the pieces of the mask fell off. I thought, OK, that's it. I put the mask in the bag it came in and put it outside. The next morning I brought the mask back. The guy I bought it from said, "Yeah, no problem, I'll take it back. I understand." I said, "By the way, what was with this mask anyway?" He said, "The history of it was that when they brought it out once a year and they used it during a ceremony where they would slaughter animals and have a big party." I thought, "OK, thank you. Bye." I never went back there.

I've gotta go. A friend of mine is coming. She's a creative director. I 'm gonna give her some fake bugs to put on the art director's shoulder. I can't be there. I can't be a photographer, you know, do the fashion thing, but I can be there in spirit. See you next week. Oh, yeah, my friend here will include some drawings. By for now. See you next week.  Love, B. Nice

Chapter 66 - September 4, 2012

Hi everybody. It's a bit of a cliche but I say nothing worthwhile is easy. You gotta take one day at a time. That's how I live my life right now. I get done with my day and I think of what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I got to pull out my soapbox right now. You guys out there listen. Have your kids listen. I said it before, but I'm gonna say it again: You guys cannot, I repeat, cannot talk on the phone or text while driving. If you saw what I saw, you would freak out. It was horrible. Remember what I said before. You're one glance away from death at any point while driving and talking on the phone. OK, that's it. I'll put away my soapbox now. That's all I have to say about that.

If you're lying there with traumatic brain injury, it's good to have a great imagination. It'll get you through the tough stuff. You know, imagine yourself in your favorite spot. Just use your imagination. It helped me a lot.

I had a good week this week. It was the closing of my show (see a few blogs back). We had a big party and I saw a lot of my friends that couldn't make it to the opening. It was a great day. I sold a lot of work, but I probably broke even. Like I said before, it's not about money. It's about photography. You see, you gotta do what you love. You gotta be distracted to make it through this stuff. Then, have a great friend, like my friend here. Having great friends is really important. I had a friend visit from the west coast. That was great. I had some friends stop over. That was also great. It was a good week. I guess I don't personally notice this, but I do have improvements. Like, I'm better at walking with assistance. I'm better at speaking. Just little things, but I still get jealous when I see someone go running by. I wish I could run again. Someday. Who knows? But for the moment, I just keep working hard. Hell, everything I do is like an Olympic event. You know, like rolling over in bed is a huge accomplishment. Sitting up in my wheelchair is a big accomplishment. Anyway, I didn't want to bore you any further. Just work real hard. Never give up. Always move forward.

Now I'm gonna tell a couple of stories. I guess I'll confess to a few things I did. I'm not really proud of them, but I feel better confessing to it. Ha! You know what I noticed. I notice that doing this blog does help other people, but it's been helping me. When I have a hard time I think about what I'm going to talk about. It gets me through the rough times. Just an observation.

OK, now I'm gonna talk about some location photographic shoots. The following stories are confessions.

I was doing a lingerie shoot in a loft in NYC. The owner of the loft was a woman in her mid 40's. Attractive woman. Very business like. Anyway, I was shooting and she said to us, "I'm going out for some breakfast. You guys are cool. Just shoot anywhere you want, but do not, I repeat, do not use my bedroom. It's personal space and off limits to photo shoots." And then she left. So, I was curious. She seemed adamant about not shooting in her room. The more I thought about it, the more curious I got so I stopped shooting, went down to her room and noticed it had beautiful light. Not only did it have beautiful light, but it had a gorgeous old bed. Well, I gotta shoot here, I mean come on. I'm doing a lingerie shoot. So I double checked to make sure she left and I got the whole crew to come  quickly down and shoot in her room. I got the model to stand by the bed, but it wasn't quite right. The bed had to move slightly, so I had my assistants move the bed. Well, the minute they moved it, I heard kerplunk. First 2 D batteries rolled out and then a big dildo or vibrator or whatever you call it rolled out as well. I was laughing then thought, Oh shit, we better get out of here. And I said to my assistant, pick that up and put it back. He said no way man. I'm not touching that thing. I said come on, just put it back together and put it back. Well, he looked at me and the other assistant, he said, all right, I'll be right back. He came back from the kitchen wearing some playtex gloves and he put it back together put it back in place where he thought it was, and we got the hell out of there. The woman came back just as we left. Thank god we left. She looked different to me.

The next photoshoot I'm gonna talk about happened in Miami. We were shooting in a beautiful home, a little tacky, but beautiful. Anyway, the woman who lived there was what you might say was obsessive compulsive. Her pens were neatly in a tray by the phone. Her pencils were not only neat, but they were stacked by the phone. All her plates were perfectly stacked in a line. All her CD's were alphabetized. Her coffee table books were stacked perfectly. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. The woman must have stayed up half the night arranging her apartment. Anyway, it drove me a little crazy. The place was freakishly set up. The producer kept going on and on how we had to leave everything as we found it. Well, by the third day, I was going nuts so what did I do? I rearrange all the CD's. I mixed them all up, I put the pencils in with the pens. I rearrange all of her plates and glasses. I re-did all of her towels for her. Ha Ha ha ha. You get the idea. I had fun. She's probably in some institution right now.

I'll tell another story. This one's kind of short, but I still feel guilty. I was on a photo shoot in a house. It was in Connecticut. It was a great house, and an even better stereo system. I was shooting with these lights. They are kind of like movie lights. There was just enough power to use these lights. Anyway, I had one of these lights plugged in by the stereo. When we were finished at the end of the day, I helped my assistant with the lights. I still don't know what the hell happened. I unplugged one of the lights. Lo and behold, there was a huge bolt of lightening that just fried his whole stereo. It smelled like burnt rubber. and there was a loud bang. I think I could have been killed. Anyway, the stereo was toast. We got the hell out of there. Sorry about that, my friend the producer. You know who you are. Yeah, it was me.

Well, that's it for now as far as the confessions go. I have a few more, but I'll save them for later. I'll say one thing about traumatic brain injury. I notice that as I've become more alert and aware, I realize how messed up I am. It's kind of like a catch 22 situation. You're almost better off not knowing anything. It's bizarre and crazy.  For example, I'm really aware of my body and how messed up I am. I got a lot of work to do, but I'm ready to do it. Like I said before, it's my job to get better. A friend of mine came to the closing. He's also in a wheelchair and also a traumatic brain injury person. A damn tree when through his body. Anyway, he's doing good. I'm proud of him. We had similar journeys. We travelled far but we've got a lot more to do. I'll talk to you guys next week.  My friend here will do a few more scans for you. I used to keep a journal. You know, where I've been, what I do. The journals were in cartoon form. I can't draw like that now, but I'll share what I did with you. Talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 65 - August 28, 2012

65 girls.  Ahhhh, to be a successfully working young fashion photographer based in New York.  Oh man, this one time, in Paris, I knew this girl... pause (I'm going to take the 5th amendment on this one. I fear anything I say, I'll get in trouble).  Oh, yeah, I also had a killer loft right on the river with its own roof deck. I'm not going to make any comments on my past relationships, but I will say a couple things.  I really wasn't one to fool around. It wasn't my thing. If I was married, I was married. If I was single, I was single. You know what I mean? But I did observe my friends.  You know everyone does their own thing and everyone is different.  Some of my friends liked to fool around. I knew this one girl, a model.  She was a beautiful girl, but she had one drawback. She had 3 boyfriends in 3 different cities, and I'm not talking about casual flings. I'm talking about serious relationships. I guess she got away with it because she traveled so much. She had a boyfriend in London. She had a boyfriend in NYC. She had a boyfriend in Los Angeles. One time she invited her boyfriend in LA, oh, yeah, her boyfriend was a high profile actor. Anyway, she invited him to NY for the long weekend.  Just the thought of it makes me want to throw up I get so nervous. But you know what? she got away with it.  One day I said to her, how do you get their names straight.  She said, "Oh, that's easy. I call everyone Baby."

The next story I'll tell really makes me nervous. When I think about it, I definitely feel like throwing up. It was crazy. I knew this French photographer. He had a girlfriend, we'll call her Jane. His girlfriend Jane had a girlfriend we'll call Doe. Anyway, my friend, the French photographer decides he likes Doe, so what does he do? He has a torrid affair with Doe. Not only does he have an affair, but he invites her on the next photographic shoot on the other side of the world. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention both Jane and Doe are models.  Anyway, he takes Doe on a photographic shoot. The shoot goes well. He came back to NYC where he lives now and he had his assistant process all the film and put it in order for him to edit. (Back in the day, we used to shoot slide film. Usually, Kodachrome 64.) Anyway, after the film was put in order, he goes through the film the next day. He freaked out, on every single frame, every single slide, there was a perfect pinhole through the head of Doe. The whole job, the whole 2 weeks of shooting was ruined. Jane had stayed up all night and did a perfect pinhole through the head of Doe and carefully put the slide back into it's box, and put the box back in order.  My friend, the French photographer screamed at Jane, "What have you done? You've ruined my whole job." Jane was sitting on the couch smoking a big joint. She took a hit, uncrossed her legs, put the joint out, picked up her suitcases and said, "Well, my love, you shouldn't have fucked my best friend." And she walked out.  Now you see why I feel like throwing up. I learned a lot from my friends.  What to do and what not to do.  I learned not to fool around and don't, definitely don't fool around with your best friend's friend.

Hi everybody. Well, that was then, and this is now. I'm sitting here with traumatic brain injury thinking, man, this really sucks. I can totally see why people give up. It's like ongoing torture. But, you know what, I'm not going to give up. It's a good thing I had a background of being an athlete. Then thinking about my daughter keeps me going. You know, being a middle long distance competitive runner really has helped me. Not so much with the physical side, but the mental anguish. Mentally, it is tough. I would almost say it's like mental anguish or torture. Wait, are we talking about marriage or traumatic brain injury. Anyway, sorry, I got sidetracked there. The point is, don't give up. You'll make it. There are small victories every day. You just have to recognize them. Hell, just today, the county nurse came by and remarked how well my speech has gotten, and my eyes are getting better. My eye doctor called me yesterday and he wants to use my case as an example. He wants to put my case in a medical journal. He said it was really rare and exceptional. Is that good or bad? I don't know. Either way, if it helps somebody, I say, go ahead, publish it.

I guess you just gotta keep moving forward. At this point, it seems any doctor you talk to will just make their best educated guess. You just have to stay positive. That, and have a lot of good friends with support. I can't emphasize that enough.

I'm going to remind you and myself, I want to tell you about a few location confessions. You see, we used to use houses, apartments, lofts as a location. I did some things I'm not proud of. One story involves a female vibrator. Another story involves an obsessive compulsive woman and her house. Another story involves a man's loft and what's left of a beautiful stereo system. That's all for now. I hope you guys have a good week. And remember, don't take anything for granted. Cherish every small thing. Talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

P.S. I'm going to give my friend here one of my journals from the day. Maybe she'll scan a few pages and share them with you.

Chapter 64 - August 21, 2012

"You must work Mr. Brian.  You must not fool around.  You must work," he said with a heavy Japanese voice.  I used to work for the Japanese a lot.  I have one client in particular that didn't like me to joke around so much.  I used to love to play practical jokes.  People used to play practical jokes on me.  I figure it was a good way to loosen everyone up and just to have a good time.  One thing I did was I had a book of scares.  It was a book of photographs I did when the model was getting ready to shoot, I would lower a spider onto her shoulder or I would pull a fake snake out of the bushes.  Or I would use a fake rat.  The results were perfect.  The girls would scream and right when they would scream I'd do a polaroid.  These polaroids, if they were good enough, they made the cover of the film case we had.  It was quite a collection of scares.  Going back to the Japanese client, they once took me to Tokyo to do a photo shoot. It was unbelievable. I could go on and on with story after story.  It makes that movie, "Lost in Translation" seem simple. I had a good time though. I can't put any of the stories on this blog.  I might get in trouble.  I will tell one story:  I was in Los Angeles at a photographic shoot with this Japanese client. We were on our last shot and I was in a parking lot shooting around cars. When we got done, the sun set and I went "Yippee, we're done. Thanks everybody, it was a good day." Everyone but the client was cheering. I look over and I see the client with the stylist.  They had a garment bag and their heads were bowed.  They said, "Mr. Brian, you have one more photo for today."  I said, "Look man, the sun is gone, we're done."  He said, "I hear you, Mr. Brian, but you have one more photo, please."  I didn't know what to do cause this was a daytime shoot.  I had no lights.  So I said, "All right, let me see the outfit."  It was a raincoat, metallic grey, a 3/4 trench coat.  I thought for a second I said all right, get the girl dressed.  So the girl got dressed and I got every car we had and I surrounded her with all the vehicles, turned on their lights and lit her up.  I was pointing my camera to the setting sun.  I thought to myself, this is crazy, but you know what, the shot looked pretty cool.  Anyway, it was a little mini adventure.  Now I see where they got the term, "a deer in the headlights."

I'm gonna talk a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injury.  You know, this week was a mark of an anniversary.  It was exactly 3 years ago that I had a brain bleed.  I had 2 brain surgeries, 5 operations, 4 serious seizures, all in a row.  I've been in the ICU 3 times.  I've been to the emergency room 3 times.  I've gone through rehabilitation 3 times.  My friend says, 3 seems to be the magic number.  It's true.  The point is, I've gone through a lot, but you know, each time is different.  Even though I had a brain bleed on the brain stem, each time I had different results, so the point is, even if you're diagnosed with the same thing, you may have different results. They're all dramatically different.  Right now, it seems to be taking me longer to heal.  I've been getting better, no doubt, but it just takes a long time.  Oh yeah, having a divorce and having your kid taken from you doesn't help either.  But I'll get by.  You gotta keep yourself distracted, like my photo show I just did.  It went really well.  I'm going to attach a link to an article that was done on the show.  It's a pretty good article.  I hope you read it.  http://www.lohud.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2012308110049&nclick_check=1

I was sitting here trying to think up a story to tell you, but I got so many stories left, I don't know where to begin.  It's been pretty crazy up until now.  I had a remarkable life.  I spent pretty close to 3 years lying on my back thinking about things.  Thinking about stories and memories.  That will get you through the tough times.  So when you're in a bad way, think about something from the past.  Even something happy.  You know, I always talk about funny things that happened to me, my adventures, but I saw plenty of amazing things, beautiful things that I'll never see again.  You know, like amazing sunrises, amazing sunsets.  But, you know, you can go all over the world and look for beauty, but sometimes it's right in front of you.  You just have to take time to look.  Hell, I'm kind of forced to look.  I'm stuck in this wheelchair staring at a freakin' tree all afternoon.  It's a pretty tree though.  Anyway, that's about it for this week.  I'm glad I made it through the week without any problems.  It seems that whenever I have an anniversary, something happens.  So, maybe my friend here is right, it's progress.  And I'll see you guys next week.  Love, B. Nice

P.S.  Here's a drawing.  I draw a star, a heart for my daughter and a circle every day.  See you next week.

P.P.S.  It's official.  I'm one step above a corpse.  I was sitting in my parent's kitchen looking out the window when I felt a slight pressure in my left nostril.  Remember, my face is numb from the operations.  Anyway, I felt pressure in my nose so I got a tissue to blow my nose.  I blew my nose, and you know what came out?  A fly.  It did a loop T loop and flew away.  How depressing is that?

Chapter 63 - August 14, 2012

Hi Everybody.  I was reading my last blog with my friend here.  I was talking a little bit about fear.  But I gotta tell this story.  I forgot to tell you in the last blog.  This story took place around high school time.  I had a summer job renting out boats.  It was a good job, but it was full of physical and mental abuse. Heh.  It was a tough job but good.  Anyway, there was this one kid that used to hang around all the time.  A little pudgy kid.  He used to constantly ask me questions.  He would just hang out all day long.  I had no idea where he came from or where his parents were.  It was a bit annoying, but I felt bad for the kid and let him just stick around.  Well, it was really busy one weekend.  Full of people.  We had one definite rule:  No swimming from the boats.  The reason why we were so strict was people died like flies swimming from the boat.  Anyway, this group of young boys came in and they tried to collect their deposit.  They were soaking wet and so was their deposit receipt.  It was obvious they were swimming from the boat.  I told them, "Look, you forfeited your deposit when you swam from the boat."  Well the head of the group of guys didn't like what I was saying.  He tried to force his way into my shed mumbling something about his money.  Then he tried to grab me and tried to pry open the door.  So being the young idiot I was I grabbed an oar and crushed his hand.  This did nothing but break his hand.  There was a moment of silence.  He looked at me and he took out a knife and he said, "OK, now I'm going to cut you good."  And then he tried to stab me.  Well, I wasn't that nervous.  At least I didn't show any fear because I had my police radio in the shed.  All I had to do was click it three times and the police would come.  I reached down for the radio and there was no radio.  Just a note saying, "Your radio is in for service.  I'm sorry.  Have a nice day."  Well, I looked up and there was obviously fear written all over my face.  The guy saw the fear in my eyes and he went crazy trying to attack me.  Everyone, all the kids/gang, they tried to attack me.  I yelled to the little pudgy kid, "Run, get out of here. Get help."  Well, I never saw a little kid run so fast.  The kid was like an Olympic athlete.  He ran down the beach and got the police.  They arrived very quickly.  The gang scattered except for the leader who was still trying to stab me through the wire.  Hey, maybe this is where cage fighting started. I could put that on my resume.  I'm a cage fighter.  Anyway, I went off on a tangent there.  The police showed up and the gang leader started running down the beach.  I've never seen this before, but one of the cops got out of the car, took out his billy club and threw it at the kid sideways.  It took the kid out by the knees.  It just dropped him in a split second.  Well the other cop cuffed the guy, brought him back to my shed. One cop said, "OK, let's go." I said, "Where am I going?"  He said, "You're gonna have to make a statement."  I said, "I'm not going anywhere.  I gotta stay here."  The cop said, "You're not going to press charges?" I looked at the kid. He was a mess.  I figured, the guy's got punished enough, so I said, "Nah. I'm not going to press charges."  The point is, try not to show fear.  Hell, my surgeon even showed no fear when he was talking about my operations.  It was comforting to see him so confident as he talked about draining the fluid from my brain and spine.  Just an observation.

I'd like to talk a little bit about incentive.  You see, we have three family dogs all Jack Russell size.  One of my occupational therapy guidelines is to eat a saltine cracker off of a plate.  This is so I learn how to pick up my food with the right pressure and feed myself.  Well, the family dogs all sit around me like wolves and they look at me, watch me try to eat the cracker.  Talk about pressure.  Not only am I hungry, I'm trying to feed myself.  All they're doing is thinking, "I hope he drops it again."  Anyway, they're getting pretty fat.  I've been shaking a lot lately.  I've been going to the pool to combat my shaking.  It's really good therapy.  Feels great to be in the water.  They'll work on balance, walking, movement of your arms.  It's different but real good if you have a traumatic brain injury. I highly recommend it.

I'm gonna finish up by telling you about my photographic show.  It went real well.  I had great support from my friends and everyone in the town. It was a great turnout.  The gallery looked amazing.  I used to go there when I was a kid, and I'll tell you, they sure turned it around.  Good job, my friend the director who runs it.  She's done a great job cleaning it up.  Anyway, the show went real well, and my friend here who's typing this turned out to be my biggest fan, and I mean that literally.  She fanned me with a real fan. It was pretty hot and humid. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I hung the show at wheelchair eye level height.  It was a bit unusual, but I wanted to show people not only how I see things, but at which level I see things. Some of the people I go to therapy with at Helen Hayes, they showed up in their wheelchair.  I'm sure they will appreciate it and I'm sure anyone else in a wheelchair would enjoy this.  I hope you get to see the show.  The details are in a couple blogs back.  It's up until September 2nd.  Some friends of mine photographed it.  I'm under Brian D Nice on facebook.  Some photos are up on this wall.  I will also film it for those that couldn't make it.  But that will be later.  I hope you guys have a good week.  Talk to you next week.  Love, B. Nice