October 21, 2020

Hi everybody, welcome to the blog where I talk about the present.

I guess these days we spend a lot of time sitting around and thinking. I certainly do. Van Gogh once said, “A good painting needs a good chair.” I’m in a wheelchair right now, does that mean every painting is good? Another thing I was thinking: am I sad because it rains, or does it rain because I’m sad? This is the kind of shit I think about all day.

I was thinking, you know, I think we live so long now, hopefully, we live different lives within our life. For example, the first time I got married, I moved to Australia. That was one life. I got divorced and then moved to Paris where I worked and lived. That was another life. I then moved to New York City where I lived and worked. That was another life. I then moved to Montauk, got married again, built a house on the ocean, had a baby. That was another life. I got divorced again. Now I live in a small stone house by the side of the road with a brain injury and a smelly dog. That’s another life. Who knows where this one will go. The point is, we live so long nowadays we have different experiences. Embrace them, it’s cool. That’s how we grow. But then again, I could be thinking too much.

On another note, I’ve been walking much better. Once again, I’ve reached another level of self awareness. And once again, it’s cool, but it’s also a self acknowledgement that I’ve got a long way to go and a lot of work to put in. You’re almost better off being ignorantly blissful.

See you next week. Love, B. Nice

September 29, 2020

HI you guys. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the present.

So guess what? Yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of our trip across the United States. Myself, my mother, and a bunch of friends hopped in the car and drove from Garrison to LA and back. I photographed out the car window as I see things. It was a great thing to do with my mom and my friends. What a trip. The images came out cool too. It’s funny cause I had a dream about what my daughter once said. I remember we were sitting at our dinner table outside on the porch. My mom, at the time, was sick with cancer. She was inside. My daughter said, “It’s lonely out here without Nanna (my mom).” And it’s true, it’s lonely without my mom. See, I bring this up because she was a force of nature on that trip. She was kind of like the catalyst to the whole thing. She made it happen. My friends were a film crew, documented the whole trip. It was called “Off Set.” (https://vimeo.com/ondemand/offset/166734041)I can’t believe it was 7 years ago yesterday. Time goes by fast doesn’t it.

On another note, man, I feel like I can just get up and walk. It’s so frustrating. Once again, I’ve reached another level. I call this level “frustrating.” I guess I’ve come to the reality I can’t do anything on my own, and that’s frustrating. I do have 24 hour care, but try that! It’s worse than marriage. I need these people to help me, and yet I like to be left alone. Try hanging out with someone for 10 years. But, they’re very helpful. I mean, if they weren’t around, I’d probably last a day or two. These helpers definitely don’t get enough money to put up with someone like me.

And then, on another note, therapy is going very well. They’ve got me up and walking with a special walker. I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s a lot smoother now. It makes me want to walk more and more, but I get so tired, it’s amazing. I mean, I was used to running a 4 minute mile. Now, I can barely walk ten yards. Crazy.

The only other thing I would mention is, you know it gets to be a drag hanging out by yourself the whole time. I mean, I’ve got my dog, but he’s getting old. It’s kind of depressing, but we forge ahead, right? I will leave it at that. My limo’s coming in ten minutes.

I’ll talk to you guys later. Love, B. Nice

August 19, 2020

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the present.

I miss running. I miss walking. I miss surfing. I miss feeding myself. I miss getting myself dressed. I miss skiing. I miss my parents. But most of all, I miss my daughter.

When my mom was alive, she would make sure my daughter would do simple things with me, like going ice skating, going out for ice cream, doing puzzles, flying a kite. You know, that sort of stuff. But now that she’s not around, I don’t do that much stuff with her anymore. Plus she’s 14. A whole different kid. But, we adapt. Right?

On another note, at therapy, which I go to three times a week, they have me up and walking. It’s pretty cool, but man, it’s tough. It seems that I’m getting more and more used to the wheelchair, and it’s tougher and tougher to stand up. Not good. Sometimes I can’t wait to just sit down. I remember when I used to run around like crazy, you know, when I was working as a fashion photographer, I wished I could just sit down and chill out. Be careful what you wish for. Like my friend here said, life is all about balance. You can’t run around all the time, and you can’t sit down and chill out all the time.

Anyway, that’s about it for this week. I don’t really feel like blogging anymore. See you guys next week. Oh yeah, here’s a link to a film I’m doing with some filmmakers I know, Kimberly and Mia. https://youtu.be/seMahBEpbpU

Love, B. Nice

August 12, 2020

Welcome to the blog where I talk about the present. I’d like to dedicate this blog to a person I know. He got some bad news from his doctor. Another damn hill.

I ran for my school. I ran cross country and track. We ran five miles in the morning and 9 miles in the afternoon. The coach would come into the locker room and announce which runs we would be doing. We always seemed to moan and groan, slam our lockers shut, no matter what run we did. I always hated the runs that had a lot of hills. I hated hills. Now there are two ways you can approach a hill: you can either take your sweet-ass time and saunter up the hill, or charge it. You treat the hill like a workout within a workout. I know this person that got the bad news will charge this hill.

I was at therapy the other day. I mentioned to a therapist, I talked about her in my blog. The other therapist verbally attacked me. They said, “How come you never talk about me? We’ve been working together for years.” It was like being verbally attacked by a bunch of school girls. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, but I am gonna call them all “Spark” from now on. You see, like my health assistant, my family and friends, they bring a spark of light to my dark world. They’re helping me get better. It’s taking a long time, but I am getting better. So, it’s worth it to stick to your therapy. It might be monotonous, but it’s worth sticking to it.

Thanks again, all you Sparks!

On another note, I got a birdfeeder that sticks to my window. it attracts a few birds, but it mostly attracts squirrels. This one squirrel that comes all the time, I think it’s retarded. I can get in inches of it. It just stands there and looks at me. It’s kind of cool. I never got that close to a squirrel before. For some reason, my dog just shakes.

That’s all for this week. If you’re doing therapy, stick to it, it’s worth it. Talk to you next week.

Love, B. Nice

July 15, 2020

Hi everybody, welcome to the blog where I talk about the present. Hey! Happy Bastille Day. That was yesterday, France got it’s independence on the 14th.

When you have a traumatic brain injury, or any situation for that matter, you’ll find that someone or some situation will let you down, you know, take the rug from under your feet or take the wind out of your sails, something like that. You’ll find that the only thing you can rely on is yourself. You are the constant, (other than change). Listen to me. I sound like a motivational speaker, but it’s true. You are the one that can rely on yourself. Or as I say, “The three of us: me, myself and I.”

I used to be a competitive runner for my school. My specialty was the 1500 meter or the 800 meters. Of course, you’re always out to beat your competition, but always in the back of your mind you have to better yourself. Better your time. Let’s say I ran the 800 meters in 2 flat. I would try to run the next race in 1:59 flat. See what I mean, you’re always trying to better yourself. That’s what this is like, you’re always trying to better yourself. It’s exhausting, but you gotta keep at it. It’s the only way you’ll get better. Before my friend died, she said, “Man, this is gonna be a marathon. You’re gonna be in the toughest marathon of your life.” And it’s true.

That’s my motivational speech for the week. I’m gonna get back to my gardening now.

Love ya, B. Nice