Core Sample - December 11, 2013

Hi everybody. I'd like to dedicate this blog to Al.

OK, so imagine this: I'm in my kitchen, looking out the window. It's a beautiful day. I'm holding in my two hands a water bottle that's made for cycling. Oh man, I've got a nasty cold. All of a sudden I cough. My head goes down my arms go up and all of a sudden I impale myself with the cycling bottle. The nipple you drink out of takes a core sample of my forehead. I now have a third eye. The third eye of knowledge? I don't think so. I look like a freak. Like my health aide says, I'm a wreck.

Man, having traumatic brain injury is a real drag. Everyone's affected differently. My injury causes me to be physically impaired. You know, like I have to have people feed me. That sort of thing. Getting fed is turning into a real drag. I get so frustrated because you have to eat at the pace of your feeder. In other words, if someone's in a hurry, you might choke to death. You know, stuff like taking a shower is horrifying. You might fall. That would suck. Anyway, what I'm getting at is, I'm over this shit. I'm not giving up and I'm just tired of it.

I'd like to go on vacation or something. Just step out of my body for a few minutes. That reminds me, I should do mushrooms. I'm just kidding. You know, any alcohol or drugs just make things worse.

You know, I mentioned it before, but I'll say it again. Anytime you get a cold or you get sick, it's multiplied ten times over when you have traumatic brain injury. For example, right now I'm so sleepy because I'm taking medication for bronchitis. Just the common cold can be a real drag. I guess you gotta just hang in there.

I wanted to say something, on a creative level this has been pretty wild, the whole traumatic brain injury thing. It's opened the doors to a whole new perspective. I never in a million years dreamed I'd be doing the stuff I'm doing now. I've been drawing and painting. The images are very abstract. They're very much like a Jackson Pollack painting. I'm not at all saying I'm like him, but I was just trying to give you a visual. It just makes me feel good to draw. You know, it's like, I guess you could say, it's pure art.  You don't care what people say. It just makes you feel good to produce it. I paint every day at 5:00. I do a heart for my daughter, a star and a circle. I do these symbols with help from my dad. He's a painter. I always look forward to 5:00.

My friend here put all my images on a DVD. I play it every day. They are images from our road trip. Every single frame I did. It's kind of cool cause I remember the strong images and when I go to edit, it will be much easier. My friend made it a slide show and I just sit there and watch it. Each image stays on the screen for about 5 seconds. If it were to be shorter, like 2 seconds, I might have a seizure. Not a good look. I watch it on the TV so the images are big. It's cool.

That's about all for this week. Remember how lucky you are. It's kind of a cliche, but take time to smell the roses. This is B. Nice signing off. Talk to you next week. Oh, by the way, my dog is talking to me. Just kidding. See you next week. Love, B. Nice

Big Hairy Monster - December 4, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to another week of recovery. My daughter was just here. I forgot to tell you. She was here for Thanksgiving. Man, what an appetite she has. She ate everything. Her cousins were here. She was talking, eating. She finished the whole thing. That night, she came over to my bed. She said, "Daddy." She looked right at me and threw up. Then she threw up all over the floor. It was turkey surprise. What a mess. She said, "Daddy, I ate too much." I wanted to say, "Yeah, no shit." Anyway, that was the end of my Thanksgiving. I just wanted to share it with you. OK, so I'm gonna call this blog Big Hairy Monster. I'll explain more later.

This week my friend had a great dinner with all my high school and grade school friends. It was a nice dinner. She did it even though it was a sad day for her, for everybody. Anyway, she made a great dinner. What a great cook. All my friends from grade school and high school were there. One of my friends was talking and laughing and all of a sudden I had a flashback. It was as if I was back at school, grade school. You know, like a little kid. OK, hold on. I'm going to interupt this reading session and edit this blog. Let's just say, kids will be kids, and end it at that.

Me and my friend used to always be in trouble. We would have little adventures all the time. For example. He had a big newfoundland dog which at my age, back then, looked like a horse. Anyway, we would take the dog and go on a camping trip. Imagine that, a little kid going away camping for a couple of days. Crazy. We would do things like ride dirt bikes, drive go carts that went about 80 miles an hour, go skating on ponds that were covered in scary ice. One time we went in my friend's parent's BMW. The father was driving. A car came out of nowhere. We locked up the brakes. The BMW spun around and around on the dirt road. Next thing you know, we're in the woods. We pushed the car out. It had a lot of scrapes and dents. We managed to start the car, get it back home and on the way back home the father said, "Don't tell your mother." It was crazy growing up with them.

So I went off on a bit of a tangent there. What was I talking about? One other thing I'd like to mention is we were all sitting around the dinner table. This is present time. We were all sitting around the dinner table and we came to the conclusion that kids are all labled nowadays. For example, a kid might be a little hyper and we call him ADHD, medicate him and pigeon hole him. Back when I was growing up, (listen to me, I sound like an old man), back when I was growing up, we would pick up a stick and go outside and play. How times have changed. Anyway, that's just an observation.

Speaking of observations, I did notice I'm so tired at the end of every day. I guess it's because every single movement is thought out and executed. For example, if I want to pick up a water bottle. I have to think about where my hands go. How to hold it, etc. The world of Traumatic Brain Injury makes you really tired. It's a drag. But, you know, it depends on how you look at things. My friend brought over a CD of my images. They look real cool. See you next week. Love, B. Nice

Stages - November 26, 2013

Hi everybody! Welcome to another week. I'm gonna call this blog "Stages." You know, I've gone through a lot of stages during this event. For example, my first stage, it was a pity party. I felt sorry for myself. My next stage was anger. And then, denial. You get it. Right now I'm in the stage where I don't give a shit. I'll give you an example. I was at a local pizza parlour with my family. Three mothers walked in with their children. The mothers sat down and put their children in a booth. Well, the kids were like wild animals. I felt like I should throw them some red meat. They were out of control. Mind you, I'm in my wheelchair. When the women left, I said to one woman, "Excuse me." And then she leaned over and talked to me like I'm hearing impaired. She said, "Yes?" I said, "You win the prize." And she said, "What?" and I said, "You win the prize." She said, I don't understand." "Yeah, you win the prize of having the most unruly children I've ever seen. Your kids are like wild animals." Another time, I was at a restaurant and they wouldn't seat me so I started singing. Have you ever heard me sing? It's not pretty. Anyway, I got a table right away. Oh, by the way, I was singing, "I need a table right away! I have to eat, my blood sugar is low."

Another time, actually, it was recently, my friends brought some wine to a restaurant. Our waitress said, "Oh no, you can't bring any wine in here." I said to the waitress, "Didn't you get the memo?" And she replied, "What memo?" I said, "You know, the memo. It said we can do whatever the hell we want." So you see, I don't care what people think, and my friend said I'm a little unruly myself. I guess you could say, "You can dress me up, put me in a wheelchair, but you can't take me out." I'm going anyway.

So in a couple of days it's Thanksgiving. We give thanks to things that are special to us. I'm thankful I'm here writing to you. I'm also thankful my little one is here. It's great to hang out with her. I guess we should all be thankful for the little things in life. We forget about them. It's a bit of a cliché, but the littlest things in life are special. Have a good week. Don't eat too much. Love, B. Nice

A Wet Ass - November 20, 2013

Hi everybody. Well, you know what happened to me this week? I almost had a wet ass. So imagine this. I looked at my feet and other than the fact that they should be at the end of a branch, you know, like a crow, I decided I should probably get a pedicure. So I went to the local nail spa and went to get a pedicure. My health assistant managed to get me in the chair. Now imagine this, my health assistant turned on the back massager. It caused me to slide forward. I knocked over the pedicurist. My ass started sliding toward the water, you know where your feet go. I started crying for help. The woman in the next chair started laughing. The pedicurist said something in Chinese. I'm sure it was something like, "You big dumb fuck, you knocked me over." My health assistant tried to get me back up into the chair. Everyone in the nail salon came over and started talking Chinese. It was just another day in the world of traumatic brain injury. Oh, by the way, my friend her asked me if I every got my pedicure, and I did. I managed to stay in the chair. You know what I hate? I hate looking at a sign that says "Disabled Parking" or "Handicap Spot." I really dislike those words, handicap or disabled. Because I think I'm just different. I realized that when I got my film back from the trip I just did. To me the images have more depth and soul to them. I mean we're talking about real life here. Anyway, just an observation from My Point of View.

I'm having a bit of a brain fart right now. I can't remember what I was going to talk about. This week has been rather uneventful. I've been doing a lot of painting with my father. You know, I still have what I call "moments" once in a while. I just thought I'd share that with you. They're not full on seizures but they do kind of interupt my day. I've been to water therapy. That's been very helpful. I did better this week than last week. I'll tell you, I said it before, but I'll say it again, that trip I took really kicked my ass. I'm still recovering from it. But it was really worth it. Some day we'll go over the highlights of the trip. You know, like going into the biker bar, my friend almost causing a bar fight. Oh yeah, there was this one guy in Texas who was really proud because he shot a giraffe on a game farm. I mean who the hell shoots a giraffe? Anyway, that's all from me right now. I'll talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice

Post Trip - November 13, 2013

Hi you guys! Welcome to another week of recovery. Man, that trip was brutal. Right now I feel like hell. You know, coming down from this trip is like recovering from a bad break up or a case of bad whiplash. It doesn't strike you til later. I'm beat from the trip. Just the other day I went to water therapy and I was a mess. I think I need to sleep for a week. I guess it's like a race. You know, when I was doing my trip, I was all pumped up, but now that I'm home, it's hit me hard. It's like recovering from a race. Anyway, I continue with my therapy. It did bring some changes to my body, the trip that is. I do feel some changes going on. Maybe with a little rest I'll be stronger. Who knows?

My friend here just asked me, what do I mean? I reply, I keep barking and keep chasing sticks. I won't come down from the cabinet. Just kidding. I think with a little rest I'll be stronger. The changes I note are things that are hard to describe like the amount of numbness in my hands and feet, or I'm more aware of my body and the condition it's in. I'm more and more aware I'm a mess. You know, it depends on how you look at things (no pun intended). I see double you know, and you could look at it this way, "Damn, I see double." Or you can look at a single rose and all of a sudden have two roses. See what I mean? It depends on how you approach things. That's why I like looking at clouds or trees. I see double the clouds and double the trees. It also relaxes my eyes. I don't get as stressed out. It feels natural. I've also been painting a lot. I'll include a picture of an example. They're very abstract images, but they are a sense of entertainment. They make me happy. Don't ask me to draw your dog, but it's pretty far out.

I just want to make a few notes, you know, like benchmark things. One thing I notice is I don't sleep like I used to. I wake up early ready for the day, looking forward to it, and when I take a nap I never fall asleep. I just rest. When an hour passes, I'm anxious to do some more therapy or get up. In fact, just today, when I got up from my nap, I sat up on my own. Sounds simple, but that's a huge step for me. I guess what I'm getting at is, I'm getting better. I'm still thinking about my next trip though. I don't know where I'll go or when, but the next step is to get my images together from the last trip and have a show.

I'd like to mention one other thing. Anxiety and stress really bring me down. When I have a lot of anxiety, I get what you call "little moments." It's almost like a seizure, or who knows, maybe it is. It never turns into a full blown seizure. Anxiety is definitely my enemy.

You know, I did this trip for a month, went all the way across America, came all the way back. Other than my daughter, the most beautiful thing I saw was my front porch. It was good to be back home. Someone asked me what was the most beautiful thing I saw on my trip, and I replied, other than my daughter, it was the leaves on the trees back home. You see, they were at their peak and they were just turning. So what the hell did I go all the way to the west coast for? Anyway, remember to look around you. The most beautiful thing you see might be right in front of you. This is the old softie signing off. Love, B. Nice